I actually came up with this, after I could not sleep. I went to get a coke out the freezer, and randomly I thought "As old as any civilization" and I thought after "What is as old as civilization?" well I thought again after that "A lie" and that is how this poem came into being. Autonomy of a Lie Crumbled and shaken Like a picture on a drawing board An illusion in the making As old as any civilization From Titan, to Athens From dishonest hearts, and to your own As big as any sky up above Thicker than a promise, or the core of any planet Arms strong enough to break hearts By way of just a caress Like rotting bones and haunted graves Escaping those of whom the trust we gave Presidents and martyrs’ Legs that kick with powered regret That’s held inside; an un-payable debt A disease eating into the soul Walls built so that only one will know Only death can release the burden
wow. i love the concept. it's just plain brilliant. love the poem, and would only wish it were longer. i starts too mellow and ends too painfully quick. makes it almost incomplete. in the sense, it has a longer beginning, and an abrupt ending, and the body is too short to describe enough. your writing is much too beautiful and maybe it's just a desire of mine to read more in this hand.
Thank you SO much for those kind words. It makes me inspired to write even more. Now, on the subject of the poems length, it was longer, but I thought that I'd make it shorter, I felt that if I made it too long it would lose some of it's meaning. Sadly I do not have the long version. but I'll see what I can come up with on the second try EDIT: okay here is a longer version, I don't think it's better but w.e Autonomy of an Lie (a vs an) Crumbled and shaken Like a picture on a drawing board An illusion in the making As old as any civilization From Titan, to Athens From dishonest hearts, and to your own As big as any sky up above Thicker than a promise, or the core of any planet Arms strong enough to break hearts By way of just a caress Like rotting bones and haunted graves Escaping those of whom the trust we gave Presidents and martyrs’ Legs that kick with powered regret That’s held inside; an un-payable debt A disease eating into the soul Walls built so that only one will know Corruption and greed are its main contributors To falsify the minds of all believers Stuffed away as if in an filing cabinet It's a monster that calls silently from within the closet Triangular lamplights illuminate all that’s written for emphasis Blackness so deep, an abyss is merciful Unable to be destroyed, like the significance of existence Upon trying to remove the implanted steel of agony An orchestra of dishonest hope rings in the teller’s ear No escaping the fate they’ll fear A sudden imprint on hollow ground Like a rain in a snowy season Only death can release the burden
much much much better. you've done really well. at times it seems like you drift away from the main topc, and then some phrases or even just words drag you right back in..in a very very powerful way. brilliant!
Thank you !! I wrote both of these in less than 5 minutes, but I'm afraid it would suck if I took longer to revise it so I won't. Again, I like the shorter one better, its more to the point haha.