Australian Tourist Board

Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by 1200techniques, Mar 22, 2005.

  1. #1
    1200techniques

    1200techniques Well-Known Member

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    :D Subject: Australian Tourist Board

    The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
    They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
    the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
    sense of humour.

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
    how do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
    them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
    tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
    list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
    (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
    not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
    Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
    and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is...oh forget it.
    Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
    straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
    round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
    illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
    Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
    make good pets.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
    its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
    Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
    scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
    walking.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
    tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
    is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
     
  2. #2
    Adam

    Adam !!!! LPA Super Member

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    LMAO :lol: , that was great.
     
  3. #3
    Anya

    Anya Lost LPA Super VIP

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    :lol:

    Come naked.
     
  4. #4
    Evil Angel

    Evil Angel Ambient

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    One more question-

    Why does your cricket team win all the time? (India)
     
  5. #5
    numbfeeling9

    numbfeeling9 Afraid of you

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    That was awesome...what a great sense of humour!!! LMAO! :lol:
     
  6. #6
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.
    ==

    Best. Diss. Ever.
     
  7. #7
    Tomi

    Tomi   LPA Addict

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  8. #8
    CloserToCrawling

    CloserToCrawling Ambient

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    :lol: that was classic
     
  9. #9
    NofxPants

    NofxPants Does your house have stairs?

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    LMFAO.. AWESOME! :lol:

    Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
    Kings Cross. Come naked.
     
  10. #10
    Glenn

    Glenn Super Member LPA Super Member

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    Hell yes! Agreed!
     
  11. #11
    1200techniques

    1200techniques Well-Known Member

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    I just find it amusing ebcuase ppl actually asked these sorts of questions
    ...do you have supermarkts and can I get milk all year? wtf?

    and to rohan: LOL, I dont know why australia kicks ass at cricket
    but my family background is of indian/paki descent so I feel torn whenever I watch a game,
    although cricket is boring most of the time
     
  12. #12
    Kylie

    Kylie Active Member

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    :D that's the funniest thing i've read in all week!

    that's like when one of my friends was chatting to this guy in another country and he asked is there kangaroos everywhere in sydeny, and she said yeah, they close the Sydney harbour bridge at 8 o'clock every night to let the kangaroos cross!
     
  13. #13
    1200techniques

    1200techniques Well-Known Member

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    LOL
    i got asked a question like that when I visited manhatan 5 years ago...I was thirteen at the time and I had a guy ask me
    "Do you guys ride in kangaroos pouches?" and I said
    "Hell yes, rode one here"
    Australians, we're too sarcastic overall

    what is it with the kangaroo obsession by the way?
    living in canberra, the capital I have seen HEAPS of dead kangaroos on the sides of roads, being hit by cars. It's proabbly happened to every one at least once, I was practicing for my licence and a kangaroo jumped out in front of me and I swerved and hit this telephone booth...got fined big time! :angry:
     
  14. #14
    JessaBomb

    JessaBomb Banned

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    LMFAO!!!! I always see kangaroos, My bf Lives out whoop whoop and ther in his back yard every day lol
     

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