another ugly piece

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Arhaz, Apr 8, 2005.

  1. #1
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    it's here....the second one in a long time...keeping the previous rules in mind. i did it in eight and a half minutes. ^_^





    Lasted out


    I’m like the last leftover,
    Of your cigarette smoke,
    I’m that last rejected clover,
    From all the others in the oak.
    I’m that miss matched bit,
    That lies all around,
    I’m tired and pissed
    Of being pushed to the ground.

    **You shove me once,
    And hurt me hard,
    You tear me apart,
    Then run to the start….

    It goes all over again,
    Can you feel the cursed pain?
    I’m living the madness,
    I’m dying with sadness!
    Can you hurt me more?
    Never let me live like before,
    Is it easy to remember now?
    Can you push me much more low...? (2)

    Is it over?
    Can I come outside?
    And when I do,
    I know, I was the last one to hide.
    I was pushed aside,
    Taken as desert,
    A villain to my bride,
    I only lived as a smirk. **
     
  2. #2
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    I liked this poem.
    I've started to write like you too.
    just pooring everything out.
    and it can leed to a good result.
    as you have shown us.
    remeber you dont have to ryme.
    some places it felt it was too forced, but that is just my opinion,
    keep up the good work.
     
  3. #3
    MeLiS_

    MeLiS_ Well-Known Member

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    i like it ^_^ :)
     
  4. #4
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    <3
     
  5. #5
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks, David..you are great yourself...worthy advice...thanks! ;)
    and thank you a lot Melis_... ^_^
    and Marj....you the best,girl!thank you!!! ^_^ ;)

    i'll keep what you said, David, in mind! ^_^
     
  6. #6
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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    Great work.
     
  7. #7
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thank you!!!^^^^^ ^_^
     

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