Alone I and II

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by crazy_dips:-), Oct 20, 2003.

  1. #1
    crazy_dips:-)

    crazy_dips:-) Member

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    Hi everyone,
    This is my first poem that I'm posting here on LP Association. It's basically two versions of the same idea.... I'd really appreciate feedback :)


    ALONE I

    Alone
    In my own world
    Of me and my thoughts
    Swirling around in flourescent patterns
    That zing and spark
    On the fringes of my consciousness
    Trying to gain entry
    And invade me
    Never letting me rest in peace
    But demanding full and complete attention -
    The image of you

    ALONE II

    Alone
    And on my own
    Thoughts wander unchecked through
    The folds of my mind
    Roaming on the plains of imagination
    Creeping through the valley of
    Secret desires
    Where they grow and take on shape
    Feed on the fuel of my wishes
    And so they become true
    For me
    For a little while at least
     
  2. #2
    _PianoPaPercut_

    _PianoPaPercut_ Ambient

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    wow.. welcome!! heehee.. i made u join.. haha..
    anywho dude, i never knew how great you are with poetry!! seriously.. thats really good stuff. personally, i liked ALONE II better.. but how bout you just have one longer poem called "ALONE" like you could put those two stanza's together to make a poem.. bcos it sorta has a link to what the poem is about.. but dude.. its good!! keep it up yar?? heeeheee..^^
     
  3. #3
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Nice work Karen ;). I'm glad you joined these forums! It's always nice to have talented writers on these forums. ^_^
     
  4. #4
    crazy_dips:-)

    crazy_dips:-) Member

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    Thanx Piano Paperkut and Derek for the nice compliments. :blush: BTW, I actually tried to make the two poems into one but they didn't seem to work so that's why it sorta split into two poems...... I like Alone II better as well.... ^_^
     
  5. #5
    Metamorphosiss

    Metamorphosiss Well-Known Member

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    Welcome. It's nice and really good. I like it but I think that the second is better.
     

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