Addiction

As we all know it can impact you or a loved one. Chester has battled his demons with substance abuse as I'm sure most of us are aware. With doctors being payed out by pharmaceutical company's and prescribing narcotics like Skittles were left with people who turn to addicts and lose everything, personality, friendships, material possessions, etc...

I know personally what drugs can rip from you as I was a pretty aggressive addict. The withdraws last for months and sometimes years hence why the success rate is low. From the time you quit opioids, it takes a month just for your brain to start healing. I went a whole month where I slept on average 2-3 hours everday. I layed in bed for a month and the first three weeks were hell. Cold sweats, sick, sore, anxiety like you can't even begin to believe, lethargic, couldn't eat, couldn't focus, etc..

I felt like I was going out of my mind. It was the worst thing I'd ever gone through. No one told me to do it (even though my family was devastated) I simply couldn't be thaat person anymore. My personality was SO negative. Not a shred of happiness. I attempted suicide because of the use. It took away everything I was and could have been at that point.

I had cut out contact from all my friends and family. Just aloof, always by myself locked in my apartment as soon as I got that "fix". I was a walking carcass; completely stoic and void. When I listen to BTH I relate to it sooooooo much. As well as COG.

Because a lot LP songs are vague, i simply can relate the lyrics to my struggle. I wanted to share my story as I think it's still so taboo albeit it effects so many. I'm hoping that by me doing this others will feel comfortable to opening up and talk about a real issue that seems to be overlooked and sadly harsh judgement. And that attributes to many keeping it in. Let this be a safe haven if you'd like to add to this topic.

I feel no shame, I did what not many sadly wont; and that's recovery. So please, tell me your thoughts and opinions. I'd love for people to feel free to open up.

 

I read this some weeks ago and wanted to answer to it, somehow i forgot it.

What i want to say is, even if i cant relate to this things, i am happy about the fact that you get through this hard times. It had to be hard for you i guess. I guess this is an important topic which shouldnt be ignored.

 

Good job Derek, I'm proud of you bud .
As for me, I had started smoking cigarettes 4 years ago from last month and I haven't really slowed down since. I was dealing with a lot of stress regarding me not having a job to just feeling unloved by family when I started, so at the time I really just didn't give a shit. And of course stress has done nothing but increased, with me having a family and moving my family cross country twice due to stupid shit that I got us into. Hell, at the time I started smoking I had become a borderline alcoholic and came into work hungover a couple times, one time actually hurting someone in an accident from unloading a truck at Publix. Im not sure what got me to stop drinking as much all of a sudden, I haven't gotten sloppy drunk since my 25th birthday party, and I'm actually proud of that.

 

I had the same problem until I was like 24-25. I don't know exactly how I stopped drinking soda but it wasn't an overnight thing. Anytime I felt the urge to drink soda, I went for a bottle of sparkling water or a cup of juice instead. It won't satisfy your caffeine needs, but that need is something you need to just kick cold turkey anyway. I think sparkling water, juice, smoothie is something that works because it's more flavorful than just plain old water. Over a few weeks, my mind adjusted to it and I was able to not drink soda anymore. The only problem is that if you even have just one cup of soda and cheat, you'll feel like you want more.

 

I respect your courage and strength, man. All the best

Even though I am not an addict, I can understand, too. As there was a point a couple years ago where I was severely depressed and had all kinds of thoughts. Not sure how far how I've actually come since then. I don't feel so intense anymore and I am starting to try I guess, I've finished a certification course and I'm starting to take college more seriously. Because of my insecurities and flaws, I don't want to lose sight of the important things in life, I'm tired of always regretting things and feeling bad about myself. But then, I don't know if there's a point to any of this or if I am merely pretending to try to make myself feel better. It's hard to resolve yourself to improve when you have no confidence and are completely pessimistic. Really, I keep struggling with the idea that there's no meaning to life and that this is all pointless and I hate that. Wish I could just get rid of that part of me.

Sorry if I am too much of a downer, guys. Just needed to get that off my head.

 

Very happy for you I'd lie if I said I knew what it's like since the closest I've ever come to addiction is playing too many videogames, but my sister, who I'm happy to say seems to have broken her addiction as well, went through... well pretty much the same from what she's told me. Incidentally she's also one of two people who introduced me to Linkin Park back in the early 2000s.
Good for you for not being ashamed but still breaking out of it and being glad you left it behind. That's the healthiest attitude you can have in my opinion.

 

It took a lot of courage to write this. I've quit smoking now. There's not many addicts within this site and I get it. For all of you whom responded who don't understand but still encouraged me here, thank you SO much. You have no idea how much that means as I feel like this community is family. I just now opened this because I was a little nervous on being judged. And I understand why not many people wrote. What do you say to someone about something you know very little about? It's difficult. That's why your responses mean so much to me. And Joe (hybrid) when you met me I was sober. I drank a beer back then but alcohol is not so much an issue.
You guys are empathetic and good hearted people.

 

<3

 

Most of us aren't judgmental about people who are struggling or dealing with negative experiences and self-doubt. And if they are, they're a minority and probably have a lot to learn about life themselves. Either way, don't be afraid to open up. It's always better to share your stories and have other people offer compassion and stories.

 

Nobody Can Shave Me Now, I respect you A LOT for getting clean and staying clean. I've seen a lot of my friends struggle with it, as well as myself in ways.

I never considered myself an ''addict'', but now that I'm thinking back on it, I may be one. Up until I was 19, I never touched alcohol or drugs. It's weird because High School is usually when people experiment, but I never did, I was actually against it pretty violently. At some point during the year that I was 19, I started trying alcohol. My best friend was a huge drinker and still is to this day for the most part. I guess I got into it from drinking with him. I then met a girl during that time, and my life went spiraling out of control for the next like 3 to 4 years for the most part. She already had a history of drinking and also abused pills, opiates. A lot of her friends did too. Once I started officially dating her, I met a lot of her friends, and we just all started partying and stuff together. That's when I tried drugs, such as marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and some of the types of pills my girlfriend did.

At one point, around the time that we got together, I drank so much that I basically blacked out. I already had smoked weed and did some ketamine prior to it. I can't believe I didn't die, honestly. I was walking around town all fucked up and crying and I was just a complete mess. Apparently, I tried jumping into moving traffic, and luckily, her friends were there to stop me. I woke up the next morning and didn't remember anything that happened. My girlfriend, being an addict herself, needed a lot of money to support her addiction, and neither of us worked. I resorted to a lot of bad things to get money that I won't get into here. I became really torn away from my family during that period. As the year went on, I kept doing what I had to do to survive in that lifestyle.

We met some pretty scary people as time went on. I got into some trouble with this one guy, who was a dealer. I found out my girlfriend cheated on me with him and it really sent me into a period of HEAVY alcohol abuse. I didn't even use drugs at all after that. It was straight alcohol everyday. Eventually, I had another death scare. It was during the middle of the summer and I was at this pizza restaurant. I was drunk, of course. Like really drunk. I shouldn't have been in public. Anyways, I went down to use the bathroom that they had in the basement of the place and I passed out in the bathroom. I don't remember how it happened but I remember waking up to the sound of banging on the door and asking if I was alright. I was on the floor. I don't remember why. I guess I blacked out. I got up and pretended like everything was alright and I just wasn't feeling well, hence why I was in the bathroom for so long. I probably would have died if nobody had knocked on that door because I was out pretty good and it was very cramped and hot in that bathroom, it was like the size of a closet. After that, I kept drinking for a few months. Eventually, my girlfriend ended up stealing a bunch of stuff from me and my family to sell for drugs. I decided it was time to break up with her and move on, which was very hard for me to do. But I did it. I didn't talk to her for months and I drank a lot because I was so upset. I eventually did talk to her a few times after, but nothing ever really materialized, luckily. I stopped talking to her for good and haven't seen or talked to her since, and this was in 2012.

Anyways, New Years Eve of 2012, me and my friend got really FUCKED UP. Extremely drunk. But for some reason, I didn't have a death scare. However, I did drink to the point of blacking out and I think we walked across town to get to the bar, and walked back at like 2am. It was also like 5 degrees outside. We apparently met these guys and went to their house for a few on the way back that we didn't know at all, and they were very strange, according to another friend that was with us, so we escaped by running out the door. Bad things could have certainly happened. As 2013 started, we would hang out every night, get drunk, and often do cocaine or ecstasy. For months we did this. I felt like it was too much so I cut it out cold turkey, it was the only way. For the rest of that year I struggled as I got clean and realized everything that happened for the past 3 to 4 years. 2013 was a hard year for me.

I stayed clean up until like mid 2015 and I started drinking again. Obviously, it was my longest break that I ever had. In 2016, I started getting into a drug called DXM. It's not glamorous and it's embarrassing to talk about on here, but I feel like it's important to the story. It's what you get high off of in cough syrup. Not Nyquil, although it does have it, but you want stuff with only DXM, or DXM and guafessin, because that won't hurt you, at worst, the guafessin will just make you feel sick to your stomach. NyQuil has acetaminophen in it as well as alcohol and other shit, so it's stupid to use it to achieve a high with DXM. You drink a 4oz bottle or an 8oz bottle, etc. and get high as fuck, it depends on a lot of factors how much to take. Usually a 4oz bottle is good for me for a night. It's cheap as hell, it costs me less than 3 dollars. I spent a lot of that year and some of this year doing it every once in a while. I'm realizing that I need to stop. It's not good. I've been clean for a week or so now. Just wanted to share my story of it all here.

 

Dude, you need to stop before your death scares turn into death. We're all here for you to help, and we're rooting for you.

 

Thank you, it means a lot. I am currently trying to come clean from everything and I feel good about it as of right now. I edited my original post just because I realized there were some things that were a bit personal in there that I didn't want to share and I cleaned up my ''story'' a bit, but you'll still be able to find my story in the original form in Filip's post.

 

@Virgocore :
I personally feel better that your story be honest. With me, you could never share too much. I was a social Work/Psych Major so I'm very compassionate/empathetic. And holy shit, Ketamine and Alcohol? How did you walk? That's not a judgement neither. Ive been offered but my issue was opiate specifically Suboxone. Which is an EVIL drug. I actually relapsed since this and given the situation that my mom is not going to be around much longer, the minute I relapsed I checked myself back in. Im done, exhausted, and really building back the person I used to be. I'm glad you opened up. Don't be embarrassed. I tend to think most people that visit this website are good people. Thanks for sharing. It does make me not feel so along. Idk where your from but if you live in America, you know there is an epidemic that's sweeping are nation. Docs are a little loose-leaf with prescription pads....

@minuteforce : Very true I did grow up a teen when HT came out. So yeah....really...

@Tony V People like you make me have faith in humanity. You cannot relate (assuming) and yet you share compassion. Very awesome of you.

 

Oh yeah, that's definitely true. People in my family have personally struggled with opiate addiction and it started with a doctor prescribing it like candy. I've also seen that happen to friends and shit, too. But yeah, I don't know how I functioned that one night. That was probably the worst of it all. I don't remember literally any of it. I don't know how anything worked in my body, I really am surprised I didn't die. Suboxone, I've had friends who took that. I fucked with it once or twice. That's crazy man. But thank you for making me feel better about it, I don't like to open up to a lot of people but I really felt like I wanted to here originally. I have tons of other stories too but that was the main part of it.

 

I'm so happy you opened up. I'm done with judgements. As long as I try to better myself...

Onto another topic, Chester was clean since 2011 wasnt he? And now they found a bottle of alcohol next to him. I really think he may have taken Chris's death hard and when he was under the influence he thought it to be the end. Overwhelmed by expectations and the death of a good friend he decided to end it. Would alcohol or drugs had not been there, im pretty certain this would not have been the path. This is based on my experience and others around me. The people I know who took their life were under some sort of influence. I miss him.... dearly.....

 

That's what kills me man. If someone had just walked into that room to talk, or if he had never taken the alcohol, it would've been different. The way you feel when you're alone with your thoughts is bad enough, mixing it with substances is just disastrous.

 

Anyone here have issues with marijuana use? Becoming pretty aware that I do.

I can think of maybe 5 days in the last 3 years where I haven't smoked :/