A rap i wrote.

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by saunderitos, Sep 2, 2005.

  1. #1
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    I'm kinda new at writing raps,so there would be a few bits that i would have to scream.But. here goes

    Destructible sky

    Sitting in my room lookin’ at the TV
    All I see is fascists staring back at me
    Everything is dirt in my mouth
    Gun at my face, don’t know what its all about

    [I don’t understand and I can’t grip it
    One more attack and I think I will flip it
    You attack me to make you happy
    But it just leaves me feeling crappy] Chorus

    Break my legs and deter my passion
    Just because I am in the wrong fashion
    Doused in petrol - and set alight
    Attraction for moths in the middle of the night

    [] Chorus

    The world, the whole scene, it is political
    Understand that you must, ‘cause it’s critical
    I can’t explain to you, the way I feel I am
    I’ll put it this way, I’m not your biggest fan

    Verbal nukes there for disarming
    While peaceful countries be re-arming
    They’ll own you, so , just drop it
    So close you can reach out and touch it

    [] Chorus

    The destructible sky drops to the floor
    Causin' death but you callin' for more
    Destruction is measured by the quality
    While you all forget, we need equality

    [] Chorus
     
  2. #2
    Linja

    Linja Good. Be magnanimous. Über Member

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    Pretty good.
     
  3. #3
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    thanks

    more comments :D
     
  4. #4
    heshboy

    heshboy Well-Known Member

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    I like it... a lot B)
     
  5. #5
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    thanks :)
     
  6. #6
    notneo

    notneo Well-Known Member

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    very shinoda - rap . loved it .
     
  7. #7
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    ^_^ ^_^ you really think so :D

    such praise \\m//

    thanks


    anymore comments :)
     
  8. #8
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    it a job well done...very sophisticated for a rap...it's shinoda style for sure...
     
  9. #9
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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    Sounds alright.
     
  10. #10
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    :D awesome thanks
     
  11. #11
    NickelNine

    NickelNine It's the gin talking >>>>> LPA VIP

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    It's not Mike's style at all. I'm sorry to those who think it is. It's completely different. But about your rap, it's pretty basic. Being a good emcee or a lyricist doesn't come naturally. It takes lots of practice. Practice dude. Write a bunch more of these and they'll be a lot better.
     
  12. #12
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    thanks for your input,but you didnt say how to improve,so i'm lost with you,and what do you mean by basic
     
  13. #13
    Evan™

    Evan™ HI! I'm Randy, I'm a Bandicoot Über Member

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    yeah....quite sohpisticated...if somehow you could add in a tune....it would be even better.... ^_^
     
  14. #14
    NickelNine

    NickelNine It's the gin talking >>>>> LPA VIP

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    i said practice.. basic doesnt mean bad either.. the best rappers in the world werent born great lyracists or emcees.. they practiced.. a lot.. you also have to do some studying.. hahah
     
  15. #15
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    ah,ok, i misunderstood you :eek:


    :D :D

    thanks for all your comments guys,keep 'em comin'
     
  16. #16
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    i'd say, you are very used to poems, the words that one uses in poems reaches the highest standards of the english language, and if i may, i should say that you've nearly gotten there...i'm not trying to be nice, but frank, instead...and the habit has bitten you in your rap aswell that forces or rather just gravitates the sophistication towards itself. shinoda style is deep and always doubly meant, unlike other rap creations which i would rather consider BASIC. he adds a sense of poetic emotions to all his works that make his magnificent pieces stand out...that's the reason for my comparision, but definitely shinoda's accomplishments are a dream for every writer. i could change that comment of mine, tune it perhaps..."an ammateur shinoda but growing healthy"

    practice is good dude...you'll be up high soon enough...keep it up! ^_^
     
  17. #17
    saunderitos

    saunderitos Banned

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    :) thanks for your lengthy comment :)

    It has inspired me to create yet better work :D
     

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