あなた (You)

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Jesse, Feb 27, 2009.

  1. #1
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    あなた

    The damp ground beneath us
    I feel as if I'm sinking into it
    It's just the way you look at me
    I feel as if I've died.

    Surely there is a heaven
    I can sense it in your coldness
    Even if it is not inhabited with angels
    and is the blackest hole I'll ever fall into
    I couldn't help but to walk ahead in the gloom

    Why does it feel so natural?
    These feelings are quite absurd
    But when our hands touch -
    there are needles digging restlessly

    But don't sew this misunderstanding shut
    because around you I blush in crimson
    and there is no open book to distract me
    from the mystery's you exhale

    あなたは静かな好奇心の色
    あたしが見る遠方の声です
    優しい目は心をじっと見て

    And in this rain the wetness grows
    as the ground beneath us dampens
    I wonder why it feels so natural
    To feel your lips on my own
    And in this rain I lust for you

    And right now It wouldn't matter
    if I'd never saw another sky of blue



    ---------
    (Japanese Translation)

    -anata wa shizuka na koukishin no iro-
    -atashi ga miru enpou no koe-
    -yasashii me wa kokoro jitto mite-

    You are the quiet color of curiosity
    A distant voice that I see
    A gentle eye firmly looking through my heart
    --------
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2009
  2. #2
    Minus

    Minus ohai LPA Addicted VIP

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    I enjoy this poem, despite the fact that I feel it doesn't flow very well. Some parts seem to wordy, others not enough.

    However, I like the images you created here. Especially this transition:

    My favorite part has to be the Japanese portion. Then again I love the Japanese language.
     
  3. #3
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    Well, at most. I was trying to write a Japanese poem, in english.
    Which would mean it wouldn't have a very good flow:lol:

    The only reason I felt the absolute need to include the japanese is because I didn't think that anyone would understand that the speaker of the poem is female, though, if they don't understand japanese I cause they wouldn't get it anyway. I should have put notes. hmm

    so.. some notes on the poem.

    Notes: Anata means "You" in Japanese, it is also used as a "Dear"
    Atashi is the feminine pronoun "I, myself, my" , going by that, the speaker of the poem is a girl.(most likely)
     
  4. #4
    Minus

    Minus ohai LPA Addicted VIP

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    Yeah the Japanese actually helped me realize that. Years of watching anime and listening to J-Pop has done me well. :lol:
     
  5. #5
    El Muerto

    El Muerto LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    This is really great. And that goes for all the other poems you posted recently, I loved them all. I don't have anything much to add except keep up the good job and post some more. :)
     
  6. #6
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    Thank you Dusan, I really appreciate your kind words :)
     

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