Paint the town red with the blood that pours from your anger You can't stand it anymore, you need some relief It's sad this is the way it has to be Lost in your own self hatred Dying to get away from this life Paint the town red with your anger The blood seeps as your pain is relieved The blade digs in so hard you have gone numb Your pain has dissappeared But for how long? Paint the town red with you anger It's done now You don't have to do this anymore The pain has gone You have drifted to where you want to be
Cons: 1.) Another typical suicide/cutting poem. (I knew that after all the "pain inside" songs came, it would follow with the "suicide/cutting feels so good" poems. 2.) The third paragraph doesn't make sense and is annoying. 3.) Doesn't flow at all. 4.) It sounds like you didn't spend any time or thinking on it. Pros: 1.) I like the line "Lost in your own self hatred" Suggestions: Just keep writing, and if your meant to be a good writer, then you will eventually get better. Don't let anyone tell you your poem isn't good. (I just told you it isn't good, but that shouldn't put you down.) You posted your song here to know if we thought it was any good, and I personally didn't. But even if everyone else said it was no good, it really doesn't matter as long as you like it. And uh I have a few sucky poems(understatement of the year) so don't think I'm baggin on ya. Rating: 2/10
Hey thanks. I see what you mean about why it isn't too good. I was in a really bad mood so i came up with it off the top of my head. Cheers for the advice