I made these poems, it took me a while so be nice... Poem #1: Outside, In the darkness, Underneath a sky so gray, Betrayed by all these voices, Telling me to get away, The rain falls from high above me, Just like the tears i've shed, Now i'm lost in my confusion, Betrayed by this illusion. (this one isn't finished that's all I got for that...) Poem #2 Nervousness tenses in my stomach as I stare upon the cieling, I can't stop these thoughts and memories, and all these messed up feelings, My pillow filled with tears, as a reminder of all the pain you caused, and I wanted to put my life on pause, I'm blinded by all my fears, when my mind went numb, and everythings gone, and I blame you because, your the cause, your the cause. (not finished either...I gotta change ALOT of that...some of it really sux and I know it lol) ...okay the second to ME was okay I guess...I don't really like some of it I like the first one better but it's still in the making. So...what do you think? I'm kinda nervous about posting all this so be nice...
Okay. Poem number 1 is great. I loved it. Can't wait till ya finish it. The second one.. I liked like, the meaning of it. But the words you used.. I don't know. Just the way its said I didn't like it. I like the whole idea tho. Maybe you should write it over a few times and see what words are better or something. I'm not sure. I'm not much of a poetry writer. But I think their good. I especially loved 1.
i like poem 2... don't know why... i guess it's because it is like a song... hmm... i would love to see them finished though...
Number 2 I dunno WHAT I was doing with it really, I think I was trying to hard to make it as a song really but it's not like people like Linkin Park never did things like that either so i'm not gonna worry about it, i'm just gonna fix it up and make it into somthing better that's all. Yeah I agree with number 1 being better...number 2 needs work lol.
sounds good so far. I'll say more when I see the rest. I'm not sure where you're going (sounds like you don't know for sure either).
it does? :wth: .........*listens to song* ........woah ur right! I'll switch it around so it doesn't. That's odd... edit: Yeah actually it does yeah. Sometimes it takes people a while before they actually know what to write about it. I'm trying, it's kind of hard, but i'm trying. And it's also hard to focus on making a poem but trying to make it "song wise" at the same time. I think i'm gonna just try one step at a time that'll do better for me...
I won't lol, I just don't want it sounding like them, that's kind of like stealing in a way. And thanks for your input by the way