I'm goin' out tonight to hit the downtown pub I'm gonna have a good time Decked out in my flanny and my cement covered pants I work downtown as a builder with a proud mullet hangin' out the back Every lunch time we pull out the stubbies or the Bundies And my sheila makes me vegemite and cheese sandwich I'll crank up Cold Chisel in the rusty old jukebox But will be mighty ripped if I ain't have my Jimmy Barnes fix I walk around in dusty shorts showing off my lovely hairy legs With my trucker cap protectin' me from the sun When I'm not walkin' around downtown in my favourite outfit I'm sittin' back in front of the AFL watchin' the Swannies play I'm not a sports expert but that Barry Hall has an attitude on him That makes what a man what he is They say that nobody likes a bogan but they must love us To name a town in Queensland after us Best thing about bein' a bogan you get to have a lot of fun Best thing about bein' a bogan - what's not to love about us? We've got the hairy chest and the hairy legs like Brad Pitt (But we might lack the dental work though) We've got the irrestible accent and the drinking habits of Mel Gibson (But we lack the anti-semantic slurs though) We've got the tight speedos and the gorgeous bum like Russell Crowe (But we lack the support for the Rabbitohs and the phone book throwing skills) We've got the sheilas that have the hips of Angelina Jolie (But they lack the fishlips though) I just love bein' a bogan. Man. I feel like Paul Hogan.
As I've said in previous posts, I've been known to not only honest in my criticisms but usually brutally so. I may come off as elitist or harsh, but I'm only trying to help you. That is the point of a critique after all: to point out what should be improved. Therefore I'll ask you don't take anything I say personally. To start, I don't really know what a bogan is, so my understanding of this poem is very poor. In fact there's a lot about this poem I don't understand, but maybe if I was familiar with bogans I'd get it. I really hate to start out my critique like this, but I don't understand the purpose of this poem. What is the point you're driving? I mean a poem doesn't have to have a point; it can just simply be imagistic or a narrative. But usually there's a purpose; you don't just write a poem about nothing. It appears to me that this poem is supposed to be humorous, but I feel like I'm missing the joke all because I'm missing that essential piece: what are you setting up your joke for, and what with? The other thing you do that I'm not so sure about is your use of future tense. It's jarring to read all in future tense, and then move to the present as you do when you describe what I presume are bogan stereotypes. Unfortunately, there's not much I can say about this poem, simply because I feel like there's a piece missing for me. All in all though, it would seem to me that it has accomplished what it set out to. This poem seems to me lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek, like it's supposed to be no serious matter or cover any revolutionary ground. If you were just going for a fun, casual piece, good job; you've done that. If not, well, you might've picked a bad subject, or perhaps you decided to play it too safe. If so, try this from an angle that is unexpected or normally unacceptable. Anyway, keep it up. If you want me to continue picking things out, just respond to my post.