Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

My grandma's had a heart attack.

 

That blows, Luke. I'm sorry to hear about that, bro.

 

Oh man I'm sorry to hear that hunny
How's she doing now?

 

That's where he works, not visiting. And I know I need to. I think I just link Poughkeepsie with us fighting when his roommate said he was cheating on me. So it's just a mental link thing, where I hear Poughkeepsie and I think about that. And like...it's not even the city, when he calls me and stuff and talks to me like he did today, it's just that when his phone is off I wonder what he's doing. I dunno. I really do have trust issues and I'm trying my best. At least today when he called me I didn't say anything about my annoyance, just asked about his day yesterday and he said how the corporate manager was there overseeing his managing all day, so that would explain his phone being off. I just avoided asking the direct question because I know that he CAN lie very well, so yeah. I do appreciate your words Derek...and I always say that I'll listen to what you say and just trust, I just have a hard time, but I really am trying. I partially blame my mother, because she has trust issues with my dad and she's my role model (being my mom) and plus she sometimes brings up stuff that's basically telling me not to trust Josh, and makes comments that I'm just like..."Really?" I've actually told her off before, saying that just because she has trust issues doesn't mean that she needs to put that on me to mess up my relationship, and for a while she was good, she just says things sometimes that irks me. Oh well.
Again, thanks. Haha, end rant.

Luke: Oh no, is she okay? Have you heard anything?

 

No worries Arlene, Your not the only one with Trust Issues in a Relationship.

Luke: Oh dear. I hope she's alright. Quite a downer to hear.

 

Arlene, as much as it hurts, Derek has a point.


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Okay I'm just copying and pasting from an MSN conversation, so please excuse the poor grammar and swearing.


so friday night we're in the city and shes her usual self being really clingy to everyone else
so im like grrrrr
and then sunday i go over in the morning to pick her up to go city
and unintentionally, like i didnt mean to i see whats on her laptop screen

and its msn, shes talking to her best friend amy. and amy says "so when you gonna break up with daniel"

and so im like...emmy, im fucking hyperventilating and panicking and shit. but she grabs hold of me and starts hugging and kissing me like crazy and saying she loves me and she swears blind that what happened was darcy had been saying shit to amy and others that me and emmy werent close and she was gonna break up with me

which kinda made sense because darcy had texted me saturday and i just ignored her so she would be pissed
but all day sunday emmy was super nice and loving and huggy and shit and i was like YAY things are good

so then we get to yesterday, its our three month and she falls out of bed, smacks her head really hard, so we didnt really end up doing much, which is fair enough. but she spent literally from the minute i got there to when i left texting FUCKING ANDREW

but i didnt say anything because a) she was crying from pain and b) her mum was there like the whole time

but so im talking to her on msn this morning at uni, and our mate benjii, really good guy, says to her, can you change your msn dp, because it was a pic of her with a sign like saying "ily" for this guy mate of hers who had been really down so it was like, ok, fair enough

but benjii says "i just worry/feel sorry for daniel because youre always so naturally flirty with other guys so they think you want them and its like what the hell, dans right there. you gotta make it known you love daniel and him only, etc etc"

and so i use that as an oppurtunity to say to her yeah thats pretty much how i feel a lot of the time, and maybe next anniversary can you maybe spend at least as much time talking to me as you do texting andrew"

and she says "i dont want to hurt you, but what me and you talk about doesnt even come close to what me and andrew did at the same time point. dont get me wrong i love you so fucking much but i find it really hard to communicate with you"

and im like wtf i try SO hard, im always the one asking you how your day was and shit, randomly saying i love you, kissing you and stuff. its fucking hard to connect with you when youre constantly on msn, texting andrew or ditching me in the city

im sorry i cant be fucking andrew

but so she at least admitted that she does a lot wrong that hurts me and is going to try

but i told her, relationships are give and take and im just about all took out
and so we ended alright, she said shes going to try harder and that she does love me believe it or not
there was some other shit like about how her friends seem to be taking my side
but i think we ended ok

i wanted to say no fucking shit maybe because im right but i didnt
im just grateful she has realised she does a lot wrong and she says shes going to cut down on the clinginess and such
oh and our mate jezz had a go at yoshi so he fucked off.


*head asplodes*

 

She was taken into hospital yesterday but during the night she had another heart attack. We think it's because she's been mixing various anti-anxiety pills without proper knowledge of the full effects of them. She's up and concious at the moment but she's on alot of meds at the hospital so she's quite confused. She wants to discharge herself but the doctors are warning her not to because she could easily have another episode.

Truth be told no one in the family thinks she has long to go. She's been a drug addict for quite some time and she seems to just be going down a road of self-destruction. I hope she pulls through but in a way I think if she passed on it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, she's been unhappy for a while now so she might finally be at peace.

Thanks for the support though everyone, I appreciate it.

 

Finally a couple of my friends are going to Pukkelpop festival and I don't care for about 80% of the bands that are playing this year. Figures.

Now it got me contemplating whether or not to go. I do want to go, but I can't help it...

Esspecially, now they want to leave before Arctic Monkeys even start playing, basically the only band I really care about seeing. Shit.

---

@Luke: I'm sorry to hear about that, I hope she gets better soon.

 

Luke: I hope she's okay.

Daniel: Ugh, with Emmy, I really don't like what you've said of her. To me, she seems manipulative, a huge flirter who doesn't plan to stop- even if it's messing up your relationship, and it just seems like more than making you happy she's upsetting you and messing with your head left and right. Obviously it's up to you but if I were you, I woulda ditched her when she first started giving you shit. I mean maybe after you guys fought and stuff things will get a little better, but I don't think it'll make much of a difference. Like, little things that me and Josh have fought about, we had a solution, and he carried through with it for like a week or two and then stopped. I let it go, because it's not that big of a deal, but I think Emmy is kind of the same thing. I bet she'll be good for a while, and then it'll get bad again. I don't mean to be a big bitch or anything...she just seems super sketchy and unreliable to me. But, I do hope that things work out the best for ya, because I wuv ya Daniel!

 

The last two days have been fucking ridiculous.

 

Daniel, check your e-mail, puh-leeze.

Luke, I really don't know what to say... best wishes to you and your family.

 

Daniel, hope things resolve themselves one way or the other.

Luke, sorry about your grandma.

 

Update: my Grandma's doing ok. We saw her today and she was in good enough spirits. She's being stubborn and wont have surgery to correct her heart valve but it looks as if she's through the worst.

Thanks for the support everyone.

 

That's good.

 

Tell me about it..... .................

I had to tell the father of my child to get out of my life and my child's life because he was starting to become verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, telling me that I should just shut the fuck up because I don't know anything and that I'm a dumb little slut. I have spent so much of the last 48 hours balling my eyes out because I don't want him to be around when he's like this and the fact that I've had to get a restraining order out against him because I'm afraid he'll come over to my place and just that one little push could make me lose my child.

I'm back to being a single mother who has to raise her kid and put on the birth certificate "Father Unknown" because I don't even want anything to do with him even child support, I don't want it because it would mean associating with him. I have everything in writing that he told me and I've been told to not talk to him for a month by my parents and that the shit that he's been saying like the pregnancy was all my fault is just out of line.

And there's the age old argument about how he was starting to refuse my parents gifts because it was 'pride' that he should buy EVERYTHING brand new despite the fact WE DON'T HAVE ANY REAL SAVINGS BEHIND US AND IT'S GOING TO GO INTO THE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR THE BASICS!

I'm over him. It's now taken 3 days of my life to get over him and I've been hanging with friends to occupy my mind...because what I feel, the baby feels as well.

 

I know that this is none of my business and I probably shouldn't say anything but, why not accept child support for him? I think he should have to take some responsibility but I can completely understand why you wouldn't want someone abusive in you or your child's life. However, I think it is his duty to at least help out financially.

 

Well after much talk and no action today, I went to the police today seeing what I could possibly do about him. I really can't do anything about him at this time at stage, or at least until the baby is born. The reason why I don't want his $25 a month money because he has no real job either and by putting 'Father Unknown' on the birth certificate entitles me to more benefits in the long run. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to but they way he acted towards me on Monday and today, is unforgiveable. I still want this child and I'm not going to raise a child around a man who deals out verbal abuse everywhere, trust me, this has been happening for a couple of weeks now. I consulted a solicitor about this and she firmly agrees with me. And now I've been told that he wants nothing to do with my child, so be it. I'm not going to fight him in courts week after week, he's already made it clear he doesn't want to be in my child's life today.

On another topic, OMG MY MUM IS GETTING ENGAGED!
Oorry that was completely random but it's so true. I just found out through my soon-to-be stepsister, Vanessa. I know Mum showed me a ring in Sydney but she didn't tell me it was an engangement ring...

 

My 2 cents is this Phrase.

No pity, no remorse( for the guy ).

Fuck it! IT's his child too. He has to take financial responsibility as well and weather he likes it or not, if you got court papers that he's paying child support, so be it. Don't have pity on him, dont remorse the fact that he doesn't have a job! He'll get one, and He will pay you. Court orders are Court orders, I'm sure he will find a job one way or another...rather quickly.

^ Yeah, Odd of me to take such an aggressive stance but seriously! Fuck him, If he's so shitty to you like that, Why must you suck up to him and let him by and leave him be? He's changed your life dramatically, but that doesn't mean his life wont have to change too!


okay /rant.