a poem about myself

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Mrs.Shinoda, Oct 5, 2003.

  1. #1
    Mrs.Shinoda

    Mrs.Shinoda Active Member

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    I've felt this way for a long time, it doesn't seem to go away
    I can't feel you, numb is how I'll always stay
    I guess feeling physical pain helps the pain inside
    It's obvious now. Everyone can see the scars I try to hide
    I can't stop hurting myself,it's become a part of me
    Cut myself and scream the pain,cut myself just to bleed
    Cut myself and start to cry,cut myself to give you signs
    Signs to tell you I'm in need of a true friend
    A friend who'd help me put this to an end
    It hurts so bad to have open wounds inside and out
    It hurts so bad to know I'm always put in doubt
    So I cut myself again, but nobody seems to care
    I cut myself again, but all you do is stare
    I can't take this anymore, too much pain in me
    I'm giving up on life now, trying to be set free
    And then I cut myself once more, but you won't let me go
    And I cut myself again, but care is what you show
    And I try to cut myself, but you seem to stop me from feeling more pain
    Now I can't cut myself because you showed up before I sliced the vein
    And I'm still in this great depression, I'm still in pain
    But thanks to you, I know I've got less to lose and more to gain


    HOPE YOU LIKE IT!
     
  2. #2
    Methybrea

    Methybrea Well-Known Member

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    Sounds great, you got a flow to the poem that I like, but one thing:
    Maybe you should replace some of the "pain"s with a synonym of the word instead of saying "pain" 6 times throughout the poem.

    Otherwise, I love it! :D
     
  3. #3
    _PianoPaPercut_

    _PianoPaPercut_ Ambient

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    its good.. quite powerful.. brought slight shivers to me.. heh.. nice flow..! good work.. ^^
     
  4. #4
    Mrs.Shinoda

    Mrs.Shinoda Active Member

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    WELL, THANKS!!!! I HAVEN'T THOUGH OF HOW MANY TIMES I USED THE WORD ''PAIN'' BUT THANKS ALOT!!!!
     

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