It's Different Here

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by The Emptiness Machine, Aug 19, 2008.

  1. #1
    The Emptiness Machine

    The Emptiness Machine Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    This is not a great poem
    And the title isn't definite but here.
    pls comment

    It's Different Here

    Clouds overhead are floating
    With a gentle briskness
    Spots of white in the deep blue
    As my eyes are peering curiously
    Deepening red, behind them
    The sun lights the sky

    It's so different here
    Far off in the distance

    Usually I hear the engines of vehicles
    And feel the soft breeze of the nights wind
    While florescent pole lamps run up the road vertically

    But right here
    In this scarlet clearness
    There is such a serene scene
    From within a grove of trees
    A softness glows between their leafs
    And upon gazing upward towards the scattered light
    The sun shines down through the branches
    And there are filtered shadows everywhere

    A soft sigh
    A heavy moan
    The sound of a near by stream
    The water rippling over the small twigs
    As if in a dream

    The afternoon rain showers pour down now
    And it's beginning to get a little chilly
    I close my eyes as the sun starts setting
    Beyond the hills you can see it dulling
    Night is coming quickly

    The moss is thicker in this gloom
    To the left the logs look like limbs
    An outstretched arm,
    Moving forward, a tree stump
    Or a severed head?

    I hear the voices murmur
    Surely no insect could make that constant scream
    beginning to shiver, and burning up
    Sensing movement behind me
    Eyes are growing heavy

    The only light now
    Is that of the moon
    Shining weakly, projecting reflections
    I look into the stream
    While sitting on a log
    A hand grasp my leg
    And looking down the face is clear
    The blood , it's everywhere
    Thick and corrosive
    It covers the mossy surface of the wood
    As if in a nightmare
    I scream

    Now I wish it wasn't so different here
    So that I could hear the engines of vehicles
    And feel the soft breeze of the nights wind
    While florescent pole lamps run up the road vertically
    And surround me with their safety.
     
  2. #2
    vasiab

    vasiab Banned

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    I see you like describing the world that surrounds you...nice!!
    :)
     
  3. #3
    Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

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    That was quite beautiful.
    What exactly was going on in the end?
     
  4. #4
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Oooh chilly. Nice one Jesse. ^_^
     
  5. #5
    The Emptiness Machine

    The Emptiness Machine Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    Basically I tried to make this poem into a story.

    At the end, As night completely comes, the person sits on a log and looks into the stream, thinking that they'd see their own reflection but instead they see someone else , a body, a hand grasp their leg, something is wrong there, they scream and wish that they were back to their normal surroundings, were things aren't so different.

    Thanks for the comments everyone ^_^

    Any suggestions ? hehe
     
  6. #6
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    I enjoyed reading :) Very pleasant use of Descriptions and story.
     
  7. #7
    El Muerto

    El Muerto LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    I quite enjoyed it. :thumbsup:
    I'll make sure to check out your other poems
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2008

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