Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

My boyfriend's first love died a few years ago as well. Sometimes I feel like he still feels for her, but I don't bring it up because a) it's a sensitive subject and b)I don't want to start a fight. Those things, I feel, are best left alone.

 

What he said.

 

Oh it wasn't his first love. That would be Tina, but he hates her.

No, it was more he never got his closure because right after they broke up mutually, she started dating Ben and he started dating me. Ben was the one driving the car when she got into the accident.

He never got the closure. And I feel bad for bringing it up, but when you're upset, you say a lot of shit you don't mean.

But whatever, it's over and done with, and I understand why he feels that way, but it was more of a "well, shit, I'll never measure up, so what's the point" than a "OMG YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YOUR DEAD BEST FRIEND" type of comment anyways.

 

Well, we're fine now, but it was just a "well, shit, I'm never gonna measure up" because he had left me for another chick at one point, and it had happened with both of my other exes as well, that I didn't measure up to another girl.

I was just aggravated. I understand he can't leave me for Brittany. Like I said, it's over and done with, it was just frustrating to think that there was something more appealing about someone who isn't alive anymore than someone who is right in front of him, that's all.

 

Exactly.

On an unrelated note, but still something I have to let out:

I really hope I get this job. I need the money so bad.

 

I agree....
understand that it's just hard for him to realize she's gone...believe me, it's like one day she's on the phone talking to you and on the other day they call you that they're gonna put her into a grave....
anyways i'm glad you two made up...

 

Who'd have thought it. I'm now completely fine with someone who I used to consider pure scum and hated more than anyone. I must be growing up.

But seriously I'm proud that I can accept that holding a fued benefits no one. I'm glad I can get past this. The real test is when he'll be coming on holiday with me and my friends to Ireland. If I can spend a week in the same accomodation as him then I know I've beaten this grudge. I'm still gonna be weary of him though, I know what he's been like in the past and although he might have changed I'm not gonna turn my back for one second.

 

I have this bizarre urge to get a tongue piercing, an eyebrow piercing, or one of those "industrial" piercings. And it appears all I'm allowed to get is another ear piercing. Why am I bitching about this?

 

i want a fucking girl

 

So she told her mother what really happened on our "walk" during the party last week. WORST. MISTAKTE. EVER. "Well, she kind of, like, already guessed that we'd drunk." KIND OF? LIKE? Thank bog her mom won't tell my mom, but yeah...now she's probably gonna get grounded. Tsk, tsk, honest kids these days...

 

When it comes to shit like that, Honesty is NOT the best policy. I know first hand.

 

Right? That's exactly what I said! Deny, deny, deny, and make the parents look stupid.

 

I'm confused...just wrote this piece & let my mum read it...now she suspects that Im depressed...I don't know what Im thinking anymore...

 

I'm tired of this. There is something that I know I should do but I don't want to do it. I don't have to. It would be my choice but the underlying factors of it are certainly not fair. Not fair at all. Perhaps a decision sometime in August. But we'll see. I probably won't go through with it but I know full well I should for my own sake.

Oh well...no sense dwelling on it now.

 

Azraa, you can talk to me if you want to...

 

Thanks Penny.....