This is a terrible poem. I probably shouldn't even post it here. But for some reason when I feel like this...I like to know someone else, even if only a stranger online, may have read and sympathized with me. Even if they just pity me. This is long, and lacks direction. It has no structure, no rhyme. It's awkward and unwieldy. It suits me. --- Happiness You made me cry again today It was just like old times No I didn't see you or hear you Smell you or touch you Taste you But I did miss you If my heart is in pieces Then my memories are intact Like the necklace you'd wear Like the noose around my neck Something to hang onto When there is nothing left I'm dying to talk to you I want to tell you I still love you Or a part of me does at least You had made me feel terrible No, I'm not blaming you But it still happened So many nights I would lie awake in bed Sobbing Wondering again and again Why you weren't at my side When I was with you I was miserable Mostly But there were moments Where I honestly believed you loved me And I loved you Oh, how I loved you And in that moment That infinitesimal iota of time When our eyes would meet Or our lips would lock And I was happy Happy And I feel better now Maybe not today But usually I have new friends Even if I lost my old ones People care about me One girl even asked me out (And she was pretty cute!) I'm okay now I'm decent Fine But I'm not happy Just stagnant Occasionally dancing with depression But I'm alright Just sick of every song reminding me of you Of thinking about you ever day I remember once when we were together You told me about your ex boyfriend How he sometimes still writes about you You laughed a little Laughed that he still missed you Are you laughing now? What have you said about me Whatever it was, it can't be worse than my words Than what I have said about you But I take it back Too little too late I'm sure But I'm doing it anyway And I feel different today Because while I still know we're incompatible That if you were mine I'd be sobbing right now That things are better off this way I don't care. I miss you I want you back And I'd sob alone every night Feel like a waking corpse each day And think to myself “You can always die” Every time you hurt me Which would be often And I would know this wasn't your fault That it was my own insecurities My own vulnerabilities leaving me like this I would whine to my friends Until they didn't want to talk to me anymore (Or betrayed me) And I'd cry on your shoulder Until you called me a burden Fucking pathetic Immature If I could once again share with you That moment of happiness And for an instant have a reason to believe I am alive Other than the fact that I wish I wasn't And no I'm not suicidal (Again) And I don't feel like this all the time I'm usually okay Decent Fine But I love you And you Only you Made me happy.
i think i have read this on your blog. but i'd like to add one last comment on how i love the fact that you've named such a broken emotionally confused poem with something so confidently reassuring like "Happiness".