Wow, I just met up with a friend I knew from university last year and...wow...it seems I really like her all of a sudden. I wrote this poem really as a "stream of consciousness" styled piece without a lot of direction. It throws some events out of order and makes it drag on a bit, but it also let me be more personal than I have usually ever been before in my writing. I usually try to have a bit of ambiguity and avoid details so it is more easily relatable to for others, but this time I decided I wouldn't post this on my website or somewhere anyone I knew could read it so I could get away with using names and specific details without the person this is about seeing it. I also used her name as the title, something I would usually never do. Comments would be quite appreciated because this is a bit of change from my usual writing. Hope you enjoy. --- Christine (Revised version) I met you near a year ago Before I’d fell in love Before I became who I am Or knew who I was I smiled but never shook your hand And barely knew your name Introduced by a common friend Pawns in a greater game We talked a bit but nothing clicked And I loved someone else I never saw that much in you Or even in myself The year it slowly trickled by And we barely swapped a glance A meal or two in the dining hall No thoughts of romance I remember when I lost my love I never did find you The idea wandered through my head And I chose not to pursue As I felt you were closed and cold And I was afraid to be hurt again You would often be depressed But would never let me in Then the summer came and you went And our interaction nearly ceased We complained a bit about our jobs Until we were released Then school returned, a month went by And I was walking down the street On a Wednesday night at five o’clock Who did I happen to meet? I smiled and said hello You quickly did the same We planned to go for coffee And I could not complain But I still recalled the reasons; How you seemed so closed before But on that Friday afternoon None of that mattered anymore I showed up a few minutes early Your arrival broke my solitary confinement You showed me the CN tower in the distance And stood by a row of pillars in alignment So when looked at just right You could see the top of the tower Lined up with the peaks of the pillars Resting in their static pallor We continued to stroll by my apartment And you admired the autumn leaves I should have taken one for you As you were shorter than the trees But I’m always slow on those sorts of things Afraid to take an action Thinking of what could go wrong What might be your reaction? But after this slight mistake I saw you still seemed warm You told me why you felt down A pleasant deviation from the norm Your boyfriend had cheated on you And is now with your close friend You laughed as you relayed your story Wishing the pain would end I told you how I sympathized How I had lost my ex last year And while your situation is still worse I can imagine how you feel And I was glad I could go for a walk with you And take you away from them The building where you both resided That sheltered who it should condemn We continued to stride forward A church and sanatorium sat side by side You laughed at the fitting irony I followed in stride You invited me to see a movie Said I had to watch Star Wars While I cared little about the film Such a request I could never ignore I walked you back to your res You had said you’d eat alone For a moment you might have wanted a hug But at the time I hadn’t known So now I sit and smile in awe At how much I now like you And wonder to myself late at night: “Could you feel it too?” --- Christine (Original) I met you near a year ago Before I’d fell in love Before I became who I am Or knew who I was I smiled but never shook your hand And barely knew your name Introduced by a common friend Pawns in a greater game We talked a bit but nothing clicked And I loved someone else I never saw that much in you Or even in myself The year it slowly trickled by And we barely swapped a glance A meal or two in the dining hall No thoughts of romance I remember when I lost my love I never did find you The idea wandered through my head And I chose not to pursue As I felt you were closed and cold And I was afraid to be hurt again You would often be depressed But would never let me in Then the summer came and you went And our interaction nearly ceased We complained a bit about our jobs Until we were released Then school returned, a month went by And I was walking down the street On a Wednesday night at five o’clock Who did I happen to meet? I smiled and said hello You quickly did the same We planned to go for coffee And I could not complain But I still recalled the reasons; How you seemed so closed before But on that Friday afternoon None of that mattered anymore We met outside your building I sipped water from my cup You offered me a taste of your drink And showed me how these pillars were lined up We continued to stroll by my apartment And you admired the autumn leaves I should have taken one for you As you were shorter than the trees But I’m always slow on those sorts of things Afraid to take an action Thinking of what could go wrong What might be your reaction? But after this slight mistake I saw you still seemed warm You told me why you felt down A pleasant deviation from the norm Your boyfriend had cheated on you And is now with your close friend You laughed as you relayed your story Wishing the pain would end I told you how I sympathized How I had lost my ex last year And while your situation is still worse I can imagine how you feel And I was glad I could go for a walk with you And take you away from them The building where you both resided That sheltered who it should condemn You invited me to see a movie Said I had to watch Star Wars While I cared little about the film Such a request I could never ignore I walked you back to your res You had said you’d eat alone For a moment you might have wanted a hug But at the time I hadn’t known So now I sit and smile in awe At how much I now like you And wonder to myself late at night: “Could you feel it too?”
Some stanzas are more powerful then others but overall great piece, flows really well. The piece is a great retelling of a story and is a lot different from other pieces i've read on here. Great job.
We continued to stroll by my apartment And you admired the autumn leaves I should have taken one for you As you were shorter than the trees I love it...this part really got to me for some reason. I still relate to this on some level and am being totally honest when I say: I believe this is my absolute favorite poem you've ever written... It's really simple compared to most of your other works which I really enjoyed P) but it still has the same 'power' I 'feel' when I read your other poems. 10/10
Thanks a lot, both of you. I wanted to try to write something really simple and heartfelt, as the whole series of events were so fresh in my head and I just felt so fondly about it. Sometimes things just go well like that, and to me this was one of them. It is kind of odd how you can meet people and all of a sudden get that feeling that, even though you are nervous, and even though you don't know her very well, you also feel really close. I'm glad you liked it Edit: I took out one stanza because I didn't like it, and added three to fill in a few details I didn't want to leave out. I Italicized the added pieces. I didn't know if the one stanza was clear before, but there were some pillars that were lined up in a row so that, when you looked at them head on, their peaks were in alignment with the peak of the CN tower. ....................| ...................O .....|.............|| ...| |.............|| .| | |............|| Pillars CN Tower It was kind of symbolic of how things can be distant and seemingly unrelated, but still in some was in sync and aligned, like how we were separated for so long but seemed to really click when seeing each other again. Also, one of my favourite parts of the whole meeting was when we laughed about the church sanitarium thing. My ex was a strong Christian (denied evolution and didn't want to marry be because I might make our children go to hell) so it was really nice to be able to laugh about religion and agree on it. We both can see how religion is more or less insanity, and it just made me like her that much more, so I felt odd excluding it.