In my sleep

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Seinfeld, Oct 16, 2007.

  1. #1
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    This one's tough to explain...two people having trouble with getting along (just...a little bit more intense). The long 'rap-verse' is fron the other person's perspective...the rest is mine.

    Please, PLEASE leave comments...I spent a lot of time working on this.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    In my sleep:

    Where'd you get that scab?
    Were you fighting off our dreams again?
    Or was I biting in my sleep again?

    Does this make sense?
    Is this why you cry?
    With every breath we take,
    dedicated to the day we die.

    I've found my way through this maze
    but I'm still lost enough to find my way back in
    I've found my way out of this cave
    but I'm still blind enough to find my way back in

    Hand in hand, we roam
    Yet we won't exchange a single word
    We won't bond,
    since we're well aware of how much it hurts.

    Face pressed against the mirror, I don't like what I see
    I don't like the fact that I'm staring through the glass at me
    It's not that I can't or that I'm afraid to do so
    It's just that I know everything about me, at least as much as you know
    I'm just as heart-broke as you,
    but I had to swallow the pain and my pride along with it too.
    As always, I hate myself just like every other person does
    But here's something new: I hate you just as much

    I've found my way through this maze
    but I'm still lost enough to find my way back in
    I've found my way out of this cave
    but I'm still blind enough to find my way back in

    Where'd you get those scabs?
    Is it true?
    I bit you again last night?
    Where'd you get those scabs?
    Is it true?
    You weren't even here last night?
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2007
  2. #2
    Bryan

    Bryan Well-Known Member

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    Dude thats great..do you write music for a band or something like that?
     
  3. #3
    The Emptiness Machine

    The Emptiness Machine Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    The long rap verse is my favorite part of this. It's really beautiful.
    Good Job.
     
  4. #4
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    I'm Vox and Lyricwriter in a band, yes. ^_^

    thank you for feedback
     
  5. #5
    Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

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    I liked this a lot. Great job. ^_^
     
  6. #6
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    Face pressed against the mirror, I don't like what I see
    I don't like the fact that I'm staring through the glass at me
    It's not that I can't or that I'm afraid to do so
    It's just that I know everything about me, at least as much as you know
    I'm just as heart-broke as you,
    but I had to swallow the pain and my pride along with it too.
    As always, I hate myself just like every other person does
    But here's something new: I hate you just as much.

    these lines themselves make the whole piece absolutely...defined. complete. an amazing complete piece. usually you can never say that a poem is complete if you get the feeling that you can add something to it. but you just can't here...it's over, it's full.it's defined, and just by the above verse. great.
     
  7. #7
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    Wow...thank you very, very much. Something like that coming from you means a lot to me. ^_^
     
  8. #8
    Jordan

    Jordan Secret Robot

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    This is really great, nice work. I really like the bit about the cave and the maze/
     

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