Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

All lies and fucking bullshit. Go fucking figure.

 

Holidays.... Yet I'm not excited. I won't see her for over two weeks. Its gonna kill me.

*sigh* at least I got a hug this arvo.

 

I have this rare friendship with this girl, where we're incredibly close, total trust between us and everything, we understand each other perfectly. And we don't have feelings for each other other than as friends.

It's great. Until the last month or so, we seem to be getting further apart.
So tonight I said to her that I feel we don't talk like we used to, and all she said was "I guess"
Trying to get her to say something more I went on, telling her how important our friendship is to me, and all that sort of thing.
Her response: "ok"

I dunno, it may not sem like a big deal, but this is so different to how we used to be, its almost like she doesn't care about our friendship. And that hurts.
We were like brother and sister, she always told me I was like the older brother she could always go to when she needed someone to look after her, or care about her or whatever.
But suddenly she doesn't care. I don't know what I can do, I can't force the issue or I know she'll get angry.

This is really almost the final straw.
Constant agony with these migraines. I wake up, I'm in pain until I take enough painkillers to knock me out at night.
My grades are going downwards at school.
My family seems on the verge of splitting down the middle.
My best friend, my 'little sis', doesn't give a shit about our friendship anymore.
And the girl I believe I have been in love with for the last 2 years hasn't given a shit that I even exist for at least 6 months.
I miss my ma, and I still have these images of her when she was dying in hospital every time I think about her.

I've never been so depressed, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I know people will tell me it'll all be better in the future, iI'm just going through a rough patch. But this rough patch has been going for 2 years, and I'm tired of going nowhere with my life. I haven't done a single fucking thing worth remembering.
These are meant to be the best days of my life, and they're fucking going to waste.

And I seem to be losing the one person I could talk to about this.
Goddammit...

 

Damn, it's only been ONE week, and I miss her like hell. Fuck the next three.

 

I have a maths resit class in half an hour. With her. I just want to be as passive as possible about it but I can't. :\

 

There's nothing I can say, so I'll just give you a hug.

 

I can relate, dear.

 

Wow a girl from my school got run over by a train while she was trying to get her MP3 off the rail. I didn't know her but it feels weird.

http://angedansleciel59.skyrock.com/

 

*is shocked* Holy shit! That's terrible!

 

Wow, how materialistic our society has become.

 

She's such a fucking bitch. Not only does she not seem to give a fuck about the fact that she started talking to him only five days after we broke up, but now she's making it fucking public for the whole world to know. On top of that, she even went as far as to claim she'd wanted him to like her for a while, which would entail that she wanted him to fucking like her while we were still together. And to further add insult to injury, she supposedly "chose" me over him to begin with. What a fucking bitch. I hope every relationship she's ever in turns to shit. God damn, fuck you.

 

Ugh, more bullshit today....

Fuck it. I don't care anymore. *sits back and listens to iPod*

 

what the fuck.
Today she kept staring at me in the Pep rally.
if she wanted to say hi she could have fuckin walked up to me she was like 3 rows down.

she dumped me, so SHE should just forget about me because its not making it any easier for me to get over her if she keeps giving me all these looks and wanting to talk

i wish i didnt have to deal with this complicated shit, ESPECIALLY Homecoming day..the dance ought to be interesting

 

And it was a good hug too

 

I'm talking to my Ex now, and things are much better.


Really though....do I still have feelings from him?

 

I'm definitely an alcoholic.

 

i just want things to fucking change.

 

Time and time again I help the bastard through all his problems and look the other way when he's being an asshole and it's always in vain because the stupid son of a bitch always does something to jeopardise our friendship.

I've been nothing but a good friend to the fucker, hell I even gave him a job at my company even though the guy's dumb as a brick purely because he's a good friend (and the work he's got is pretty simple), but sometimes I just can't be bothered with him because of some of the shit he's done. Always acting like life's out to get him and being depressed for ridiculous reasons leading to him being an out and out attention seeker. He has fuck all to be complaining about and yet he bitches about fucking everything.

The last few months have been a living nightmare for me. I've recieved news of 2 deaths to people I hold dear, because of complications with the company software delaying the company launch date my pay is 400 instead of 2000, I've been pretty much betrayed by my best friend and I can't seem to shake all this bad luck. And yet I persevere through it and take it on the chin because bellyaching about it gets you nowhere but with him the tinyest problem is a fucking catastrophe.

I hate to say it but the guy is just an emo. Plain and simple. He might hate emo etc. but he's a typical emo. And to be honest I've lost so much respect for him that I don't and probably won't ever consider him one of my best friends anymore.