In three beats I opened my eyes What was this place I entered? Blood and life and love and screams And around me they centered In three beats on my hands and knees Forward I was crawling Laughs and tears and thoughts and hopes And upwards I was falling In three beats on my own to feet Lost in a sea of faces Pens and smiles and words and books And many unknown places In three beats out in the world Melting held against her chest Claims and pain and sex and lies And feeling so depressed In three beats lost and lonely Trying not to fall apart Days and nights and lust and loss During three beats of my heart Not my best poem, but I wrote it rather quickly. Feedback is appreciated.
Are these three beats heart beats, and about a journey? From the start to the end. I like how it progressed. Child at birth, teen life in school learning, then out into the world to face it yourself. Then finding a companion and then losing them in the three beats you began with. I hope I'm right. I did like this one a lot.
This is probably one of the more simplistic things you've written, but it's definately one of my favorites. I can really relate to the 3rd and 4th 'verses' EDIT: I read it again...I have to admit...this is growing on me more and more. It's just so beautiful. I've already shown a few friends and they said you're a genious. Thank you so very much for sharing.
Wow, I am surprised I got such positive feedback on this one lol. Thanks a lot guys. And yes heshboy, you did get the general idea of it .
you know, it's very rare that lyrics or a poem could go wrong. in your case, i doubt it will ever happen, or it will be apocalypse. i very much recognized the pace of your writing as soon as i finished the first verse. and that's the whole reason i love it even all the more because...it's like three beats and it's almost like you wrote this poem in three beats and so, it kinda helps the poem explain itself better with it short and quick pace...the desperation of it... the confusion of it. it works well...amazingly well for me.
Wow, it is always an odd feeling when a poem you write quickly and didn't think was very good garners so much more attention and praise then one that you put a lot of time into and was more proud of lol. Thanks a lot to everyone for their comments. I'm pleasantly surprised at how well this went over.