Please tell me what you think...feedback is very important to me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Blue Butterfly: I believe you love them, but wouldn't it be great to get away? Like the lips of strangers, you so desperately try to persuade Kissing nightmares Biting tongues, too eager to control You want to get away? Then seperate you from your callous soul Like a rash, tearing your skin Like an itch you have to sink your nails right in I know you're confused, Squirming, hoping to cut loose But this leash, the harder you pull, the more it acts like a noose Like a rash, tearing your skin Like an itch you have to sink your nails right in Like an ache within your skull A meltingpot for pain and your still only half-full
I wrote this after thinking about life a lot. For some reason the image of our bandname kept appearing (Xerces >>> Blue Butterfly >>> Extinct). So I just went after this feeling...that came up, it was like ''it would really suck, if you were about to die out or extinct in some way, and no-one really cared enough to save you'' After that, the words just came together...It has a lot to do with neglection for the most part. Actually, it seems a little farfetched...even to me. I'm still not completely sure how this came together.
Sometimes a title can be interesting when it is linked more vaguely to the song. Interesting story you have behind it. However, I don't see it like something from Trent Reznor really at all. I don't know why, but people seem to *love* telling you your writing is like that of other people lol. More so than anyone else on this board I find. Your initial stuff was very Nu-Metal/Linkin Park influenced, but you've grown and moved into your own creative domain long since then I think. I know you mentioned it frustrated you when you were always said to be "like" another writer, and I do agree that is getting unmerited. On the poem itself, it wasn't bad. A few lines did come across as a bit awkward (primarily "Then separate you from your callous soul" and "the harder you pull, the more it acts like a noose", they seemed too long and a bit clumsily worded). I liked the idea though, and in general it was realized rather well. Good job .
Thank you very much. Sometimes I'm so fixated on getting something out, I don't really give the wording that much attention. I am working on it though, and I really appreciate your constant support, as in telling me where to improve and so on.
I don't think it's bad when you're compared to someone else. We don't live in caves isolated from the whole world and it's normal and not neccesarily bad thing that our work might resemble someone others. And you can be sure that my comparing to Trent was a compliment.
I think what esaul means is: When looking at a poem or lyric, you should forget about other writer's, because of this: It's nice to get compliments every once in a while, that your work is similar to that of some famous writer's. But all in all, you write stuff to create your own style. To express your own feelings, not those of other people. I've even been told a certain poem sounded like LP (and believe me...it was not even close to LP's style)...after that, 3-4 or more people focused on that only and told me that the fact, it sounded like LP took away from the poems originality. then esaul popped in and compared LP and the poem making some very good points, as to why it wasn't like LP. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy being compared to trent. But I was a little worried others may agree and I'd be left there thinking I'd have to change my style even more, so I don't get labeled as some Trent wannabe. get where I'm coming from? (Like I said, I'm really glad you liked the poem and hope you don't think I'm trying to tell you it was wrong to say it sounded like something he would write...)
Well I guess you have a cmpletely different point of view on all this but that's ok. I promise I won't make any more comparisons.
it's like poetry doesn't have one understanding...or one language. it doesn't even have one language of understanding.