This was VERY hard to put into words...I have the feeling it may be a bit confusing. I still hope someone likes it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Problem = Me: Exhausted, I fold my arms on my desk Slowly I lay my throbbing head to rest Words / images fill my mind and somewhat agrivated, I try to sway them aside I'm upset with the minor errors you make And eventhough they're minor, they occur every single day Like a dam, eroding, after years of pressure You can't outweigh misery with pleasure No, now stop apologizing you don't know what it is What bothers me / what fills me with doubt I guess you'll never figure me out Maybe... (it's just me) Stick around, we might just make it through I have to admit, I really like company... When it's you I feel confident, once more, when I look you in the eye Until another mistake makes me want to die No, don't bother apologizing you can't possibly know what it is... I've figured me out / I don't like what I see Stubborn, mishap and I swear: One day, I'll correct 'me'
Hmm I liked it. I think I got what you were saying. I really got kinda absorbed in the writing, I thought it was very good. Kudos. And yeah, I can understand how that would be difficult to put into words, but I think you did well.
It wasn't bad. A few lines did seem to kind of collapse, but overall it wasn't bad. I felt it was about you being in a relationship with someone, and while really liking them, not being able to stop obsessing over the little mistakes they made. You know you are being unreasonable and want to fix yourself, but it is hard.
Pretty good, if a little straight-forward. There were some nice similies (don't know how to spell that for some reason). Overall 7/10
I agree with you. This piece was a bit straight foward, but I did get the message. I relate to it a bit as well so I would rate it on a scale of 5 a 3.5/5. Try not to be too straight foward.
If you could point out which parts were straight forward, that would help a lot...that way I can improve. Thank you very much for the feedback