First Poem...First Draft

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Shade, Aug 5, 2003.

  1. #1
    Shade

    Shade Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2003
    Messages:
    522
    Likes Received:
    3



    Untitled (as of yet)

    I've changed so much
    From who I used to be
    For better or for worse?
    That is yet to be seen.

    Still I am refused.
    Their thoughts can be felt.
    Who should judge me,
    Other than myself?

    I'm proud of who I've become.
    I'm better in so many ways.
    New opportunities await me,
    Day after day.

    Why do I hide then
    As the pressure mounts?
    Shouldn't my verdict
    Be the one that counts?

    Do I keep trying
    to better who I am?
    Will what I want be granted?
    Or is it just a scam?

    Fate is not without irony--
    So I am told.
    Feelings once vibrant,
    Become so cold.

    Nothing is different,
    Just the characters change.
    And though time passes,
    The theme stays the same.

    ~Shade
     
  2. #2



    This is awesome stuff!! The rhyming and flow are perfect.
     
  3. #3
    Andrea

    Andrea best friends. LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Messages:
    34,338
    Likes Received:
    332



    Very good! Keep it up! :)
     
  4. #4
    LinkinTheory

    LinkinTheory Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2003
    Messages:
    702
    Likes Received:
    0



    Couple a things that didn't make sense grammatically, and a few rough spots in the rhythm. (7/10)
     

Share This Page