"Upon my chest my hands doth lie"

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Will, Mar 9, 2007.

  1. #1
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    "Upon my chest my hands doth lie"

    Upon my chest my hands doth lie,
    ____To forever be, to test that—our time!
    Against these odds, I lie and wait
    ____For the Hands of God to seal mine own fate:
    Heaven? Hell? That is the question:
    ____A product, thus, thus! mine own invention—
    Whether I would serve God with He,
    ____Or reign in Hell: the devil in Hades.
    And lo! I shall at once know now,
    ____For thus I will beseech, I will ask how
    Eternity has come to me,
    ____Taken me by thy hand that I may see
    What lays for me out there waiting.
    ____I have spent much of my time debating
    Whether I would much prefer the
    ____Companionship of an angel above,
    Or the lack of mercy and love
    ____From the devil and his minions; no dove
    Would thus be able to help me
    ____Escape the devil’s brutal tyranny—
    Thus I am a servant of God:
    ____And I shed thus, this my hidden façade.
     
  2. #2
    El Muerto

    El Muerto LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    Hey that was pretty good!
    I liked the first four lines the most, they sound so powerfull.
    The whole poem has a rather strange feel to it which makes it really nice.
    Great work man! :D
     
  3. #3
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks a lot! :)
     
  4. #4
    Linja

    Linja Good. Be magnanimous. Über Member

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    Will, this is just.. dazzling + breathtaking + terrific + fantastic + other awesome words describing this beauty = dazzthterrintasticotherawesomewords!
     
  5. #5
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Haha, thanks! :)
     
  6. #6
    Amanda

    Amanda RIP Chester LPA Super VIP

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    Beautiful use of the English language, Will. This is really well developed and shines in light of your other work. [And I though those were all great pieces as well.] I think this may, in fact, be your best effort. You are very talented.
     
  7. #7
    Casual D

    Casual D I WON'T BE YOUR CASUAL D. LPA Administrator

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    Very well written. Love the use of Olde English rather than modern day vocabulary. Impressive.
     
  8. #8
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks for the comments!

    Keep them coming. I'm looking to keep working on poems similar to this one (the language).

    Maybe I'll publish them... :)
     
  9. #9
    Deewy

    Deewy Well-Known Member

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    I really liked it.
    Good usage of english, You should write more :)
     
  10. #10
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks. :)
     
  11. #11
    Daniel

    Daniel Run for your life. LPA Super Member

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    One word came to my mind when reading this: Epic.

    I love it man :)
     
  12. #12
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Haha. I don't know about epic, but thanks. :)
     
  13. #13
    Version One

    Version One Well-Known Member

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    i really like this piece. particularly how it develops and the overall structure. very poetic. i look forward to reading more.
     
  14. #14
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thank you. :)

    Keep the comments coming! I can't write any right now but I will once I'm on holiday.
     

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