The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter One This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. A Note For devaintART Readers: Although there is no “Mature Content Rating” on this story, this is not for viewing by younger kids. The overall rating of “The G.L.I.V.E.N. Edited” would be a PG13, but for the most part is PG or G. A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. deviantART owns nothing of this, except for the name, insignia, and their hosting capabilities. Any non-disclaimer use of deviantART, is respectably copyrighted and trademarked by its owner. All rights reserved. And finally on to the story---- In the Northern part of Alaska, there was Military Base. The base was located on top of a huge mountain. This base was filled with scientists, doing research on a project. After years of hard research, work, experimenting, and Internet Porn breaks, the scientists had finished. This project was going to make the United States indestructible. Of course they need a huge celebration for something of this size. Every scientist in the place was gathered into the auditorium “Four years ago this seemed like a dream. But, after forty-eight months of intense work it’s a reality!” At this every scientist started clapping. “Now we can unveil this new type of solider!” The scientist pressed a button on his remote. A platform raised up. Nothing was on it. “What the hell is it?” yelled a rowdy scientist “It is the G.L.I.V.E.N.” “Wow. Thank you! That was very descriptive!” the scientist yelled, sarcastically. “Well, it is really the--“ The main scientist tried to continue but was yet again cut off by the rowdy one. “Just freakin’ tell us!” “Well, umm, you see--“ “Come on genius!” “DAMN IT!” The main scientist was getting really pissed, and pressed the “Disintegration Ray” button. It shot the annoying scientist, and left only a pile of dust. “Now, as I was saying it is the G.L.I.V.E.N. The God-Like Interchangeable Venison Eating Neurotransmitter.” “Where is it?” asked another scientist “It is microscopic before its first meal. But that why I called you all here. For his first meal!” He pressed a button, and Bambi got lowered on the stage. “NOO!” yelled Walt Disney, as he came crashing through the roof carring a machine gun. “You can’t kill Bambi!” The main scientist yet again pressed the “Disintegration Ray”. “ANYONE ELSE WANT SOME OF THIS?” He asked. The Janitor from Zoey 101 raised his hand and got shot down. “Okay, so as I was saying the G.L.I.V.E.N. eats venison, or deer meat. So we got Bambi and brought her here. Now, we will present it to the G.L.I.V.E.N.” They dropped Bambi onto the platform. They wait about two seconds until Bambi was devoured. It was eaten by an off-whit-ish green, blob. It had huge teeth, that were now blood stained. The blood of Bambi ran down the stage. “DON’T TOUCH IT!” yelled the lead scientist “The blood of Bambi is as bad as poison! Anyway, after eating deer meat the G.L.I.V.E.N. can now eat anything!” “Won’t it eat us?” asked a wimpy scientist. “Not unless someone destroys this!” After saying this the scientist pointed to a “Swiper, No Swiping” Dora the Explorer backpack that the G.L.I.V.E.N. was wearing. “As, I said before unless this gets destroyed then we’re all safe.” Everything might’ve gone all right, but IT DIDN’T! The Hamburgalar had snuck into the labs. He was wearing a trench coat made of Disintegration-proof vests. He was carrying a sniper rifle. “All right, the time is now, Mr. Hamburglar!” said a voice through an earpiece “Yes, Mr. Charles, sir!” The Hamburgular took aim through the scope of his sniper. He aimed for the backpack through the scope. Direct hit! The G.L.I.V.E.N. was knocked unconscious! “The G.L.I.V.E.N.’s been released!” yelled the main scientist. He looked around for the cause of the shot. He saw the Hamburglar. He then pressed the “Disintegration Ray” button. It hit the Hamburgular’s coat and Disintegrated the coat, but fortunately not him. “DAMN AMERICAN MADE COAT!” At that moment the Hamburgular’s hamburger tie was exposed to the labs, and the Alarm went off. “HAMBURGULAR ALERT! HAMBURGULAR ALERT!” screeched a blaring alarm. He quickly jumped into an air duct. He climbed around a while and fell through an open grate. He would’ve continued but there was a huge air filter ahead. He landed into the “G.L.I.V.E.N. Feed Containment Centre”. It was filled with Deer. “Hmmm…I have a plan.” The Hamburgular took one of the deer and put it into the Air Duct. He then pushed it into the air filter. Quickly, he hid under a pack of deer. “I get your plan,” said Charles, “Make everyone smell like deer and the G.L.I.V.E.N. will eat them, not you!” “Correct as usual Charles!” Soon enough everyone had blood on them, and the G.L.I.V.E.N. was just escaping. He sensed deer and started munching away at the people. The main scientist tried pressing the “Disintegration Ray” but this only angered the G.L.I.V.E.N. He transformed into a tank with the word “G.L.I.V.E.N.” written on it. “It can transform?” asked a scientist that was running away next to the Main scientist. “DUH! What else would you expect from a G.L.I.V.E.N.?” They then got hit by a G.L.I.V.E.N. missile. After about twenty minutes the G.L.I.V.E.N. had destroyed/eaten everything in the labs. He went out a door and saw the Hamburgular in the Wonderful Whimsical MacDonalds Helicopter. “Wanna lift?” He asked The G.L.I.V.E.N. transformed into a man dressed all in black with two sub-machines guns; and aimed for the Hambugular. “We have deer meat martinis!” The G.L.I.V.E.N. dropped his guns and said, “Let’s roll!” He then proceeded to hop into the Wonderful Whimsical MacDonalds Helicopter and they flew away. “Small HB here with candy, for Big C!” “Don’t talk in fking code, you idiot!”
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Two This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. A Note For devaintART Readers: Although there is no “Mature Content Rating” on this story, this is not for viewing by younger kids. The overall rating of “The G.L.I.V.E.N. Edited” would be a PG13, but for the most part is PG or G. A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. deviantART owns nothing of this, except for the name, insignia, and their hosting capabilities. Any non-disclaimer use of deviantART, is respectably copyrighted and trademarked by its owner. All rights reserved. And finally on to the story---- The Hamburglar landed the Wonder Whimsical McDonalds Helicopter in a huge mansion. The sign outside was labeled “The School for Young Hot Girls”. They landed inside of the building. A man walked up to the chopper. He was wearing a maroon shirt and dark pants. He was twirling a basketball in his hands. His face was so happy that it illuminated the whole place. “Okay, what the hell was up with that last description of me?” asked the man, talking to the author, “I mean how was gay that?” “Anyway, G.L.I.V.E.N., this is Charles.” said the Hamburglar “Hello G.L.I.V.E.N.! I’m in charge!” He greeted the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Wasn’t Charles in Charge that extremely bad sitcom of the 1980’s?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “BAD? What the hell are you talking about! It was excellent…Plus, We’ll explain about this later.” He led the G.L.I.V.E.N. through the halls. They came across two girls. “Oh--no she didn’t!” The first one said “Oh--- she did.” Said that other one “THAT BITCH!” exclaimed the first one “Ladies, ladies, no swearing. Here’s a detention slip.” said Charles “sex-fully”. Charles continued and led the G.L.I.V.E.N. to a library. There was fire burning. In the room was a stick-man. “Ahh…it’s the G.L.I.V.E.N. Finally” said the stick man, “I’m Hunter. The Hunter.”, as he rested his shaken martini on a coaster, on a side table. “Hello.” Responded the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Where’s church?” The hunter asked “ How the f k am I supposed to know?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N., “Okay this is really pissing me off.!” Yelled, the G.L.I.V.E.N., “Some burger creep kidnaps me from the military base and takes me to giant friggin’ boarding school! EXPLAIN!” “We were just about to explain it to you.” said the Hamburglar “Did you read ahead in the script?” asked Charles “No.” The Hamburglar pulled a white piece of paper from behind his back. The only thing written on it is: Hamburglar: Yes. “I mean, uhhhh, yes.” “Well here’s the story. We are locked in a war against them…” said Charles “Who’s them?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “The John Deer Company.” said Charles “Well, it all started in Aaschen, Germany, in 1944. It was the big war---“ --Flashback (general plot © E.A. Games)-- (From the Hunter’s POV) “Okay troops! We are going to have destroy the town to search for the Nazis.” said the General, on this dismal day in WWII. “But sir what about the armored buildings, meh?” asked Commander Benny Church “We’ll destroy them, son.” said the General. They all walked over and started firing. “Hey Church! You’re a wus!” said a younger, more muscular Hunter “Shut up, whatever your name is! Meh!” “My name is Hon Tor! And at least it’s not a name like “Benny Church”! God, who in hell would give you a name like that?” “You wanna take this out side Hon? Meh?” “We……are…….outside….”He responded “Oh. Meh.” Church dove at Hon Tor, with a knife and slit his shirt open. “Oh that’s it!” Hon Tor responded. He pulled out a machete. He started whacking away at church. Church did a back flip and landed on top of the library. Hun Ton jumped into the library. There was a librarian. “Hello young man. I’m Mrs. R! Do you want a book on---“ The hunter decided that he didn’t want a book so he slit her throat. He jumped on top of a book case and jumped through the skylight, onto the roof. “Listen, Mr. Tor. Do we really have to fight? Let’s just settle our differences. Meh.” The hunter pulled out an M-1 6. He started rapidly firing as it destroyed countless things. For example, you all want to know who shot JFK? That’s who. --Flashback Interruption-- “Okay who just interrupted my flashback?” asked the hunter. “I did.” said a little girl, “JFK wasn’t shot in the second World War…it was much lat--“ The Hunter took the girl and brought her over by the firing that was burning nicely in Charles’s library. “Listen, I know you’re right. I know he wasn’t around but--“ the Hunter then pushed her into the fire, “DAMN GOOD-GOODY BITCH!” “So then pretty much all that happened was that he escaped, and had a gay relationship with Jimmy Dean.” said the Hamburglar. “Jimmy Dean?” double-take-ed the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Yes, the undisputed lord and ruler of John Deer.” said Charles “GOD DAMN IT! THAT BITCHY GOOD GOODY TOOK MY ONLY FLASHBACK IN THIS STORY AWAY FROM ME! May I?” The Hunter asked as he pointed to the button. “Why not?” asked Charles, as the hunter pressed the button. Suddenly spikes from all angles came in on the fire. “Was that absolutely necessary?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “NOPE!” responded the Hamburglar “So that’s why we need you. So you can help us defeat Jimmy Dean.” said Charles “Can I eat him?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “After I’m done torturing him.” responded the Hunter. “Excellent.” Next time in THE G.L.I.V.E.N. … “SHUT UP AUTHOR!” yelled the Hunter “This isn’t your line….” Responded I, the author, “WE’RE NOT DONE YET!” “Yes we are….” I responded “YOU DIDN’T EXPLAIN ONE THING!” “What? We’re done with the chapter! We already previewing for the next Chapter.” The Hunter pointed to a line in the script. “Oh. Yeah.” I responded. “We did.” “WELL TEL THE PEOPLE!” “In the World War II flash back…god this is stupid…we called the Hunter, Hon Tor,” “AND?” “And…it was a pun. An unfunny pun.” “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA?” “Why the hell was that funny? It was a stupid joke and most of the reader’s didn’t even pick up on it!” “HA HA HA HA!” “Goddamn….This chapter’s over… …now.”
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Three This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. A Note For devaintART Readers: Although there is no “Mature Content Rating” on this story, this is not for viewing by younger kids. The overall rating of “The G.L.I.V.E.N. Edited” would be a PG13, but for the most part is PG or G. A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Abbreviations: In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. deviantART owns nothing of this, except for the name, insignia, and their hosting capabilities. Any non-disclaimer use of deviantART, is respectably copyrighted and trademarked by its owner. All rights reserved. And finally on to the story---- The Jimmy Dean headquarters, was a was a small hick-like house in the mountains. Or at least people thought it was. No, wait it was. The only difference from a real Hick house it that it had John Deer tractors all around it. Actually, the only difference is that these tractors had a working engine and their axles were not on cinderblocks, and completely stripped down. Jimmy Dean brought down a John Deer hovercraft and ran inside. He was holding a burlap sac. “You’re just in time for dinner! Meh!” said Church, so jubilant it sounded like singing. “I got the I.V.E.N.!” Jimmy wrote on a piece of paper, and showed it to Church. He never talked or anything. He was like, a mute or something, man. “I told you to get the G.L.I.V.E.N.! Meh.” “Shut up! You could get in a copyright war with the author.” wrote Jimmy Dean as he pointed to the author in a skyscraper waving his fist angrily at them. “So, I got the I.V.E.N. the Insignificant Veal Eating Ninjas.” “Well, I guess they ain’t that bad. Meh.” Said Church. Just then one of them threw a ninja star at his “Gay-est Man In Gay Pride of 2004” award. “NOOOOOOO! Meh.” “Actually,” said one of them as he pulled off his mask, “We’re really those kids on the Burger King ads.” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Meh.” responded Church Meanwhile in the horny-est place on Earth, Charles’s school. “G.L.I.V.E.N., I would like you to meet Grumio. He’s here from the Roman Empire.” said Charles “How’d you pull that feat?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Because of my awesome disco skills. OH YEAH!” yelled Grumio, pointing to the disco ball, which for some reason no one had ever noticed before. “You know...I don’t think I’m going to ask.” Responded the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Then don’t,” said the Hamburglar, pointing a salmon at him. “I’m getting hungry. When’s my first mission?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “I never though you would ask.” said Charles He pressed a button on a remote and a screen came down. “This is one of many John Deer tractor making locations. It’s in New York. Your mission is to find out the locations of other John Deer locations. You’ll be accompanied by the Hamburglar. Good luck!” The G.L.I.V.E.N. walked out and got into the Whimsical Wonderful McDonalds Helicopter. “So, what’s the deal with Charles?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Well--- Flashback The year was 1990. The sitcom Charles in Charge was on the air for six years now. Charles, before an episode walked up the stairs. He walked into the girl’s room. She was completely naked. So, he decided to do what any man to a reasonably hot girl would do. He impregnated her. Unfortunately, the she told the FCC. Charles liked having sex with underage girls. So he made a boarding school. For only girls. Now, when he hands out detentions, he sexually harasses the girls. End Flashback “Whoa…that’s fricken’ awesome!” said the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Yeah, I know.” Responded the Hamburglar “So, what’s up with you? Why are you here?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Well, back in the day…” Flashback I started my job at McDonalds. I always wanted to eat some hamburgers but I never had enough to buy em’. One day an “activist” came and gave me a Hamburger. He told me that because this was my only job, that she wanted to help me out. Turns out he was really a drug dealer. From that moment on I was addicted to Hamburgers. I dressed up like a real burglar and sneaked in at night. One day Charles drove by me, and I was wasted on the curb. Charles liked my style and let me have a job at his school. End Flash Back “You are one messed up guy!” “I know!” responded the Hamburglar, poking his eye with a pencil. “So, here’s the place?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N., looking down. “Yep,” said the Hamburglar landing the Whimsical Wonderful McDonalds Helicopter on the skylight. “You know, glass might not be the best thing to land on. Considering this was made by McDonalds…” The chopper broke threw the glass. “Aha! Coincidently there’s the John deer chip!” said the Hamburglar. The G.L.I.V.E.N. walked over and picked it up. “Weird………no guards…..” “Or is there?” asked Larry King “Not that meeting important people and not caring isn’t out of character for this story…but since when has Larry King been with us?” “WUH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!” Larry King turned into a 100-foot robot. He finger nails turned into missiles. The hands turned into laser guns. He arms and legs transformed into fiber optic knives. His feet transformed into spikes. His knee caps transformed in Jimmy Dean sausage patties. Then Optimus Prime, the Pink Power Ranger, and the R.L. Stine-bot joined them. “Let’s do this THANG!” yelled the Pink Power Ranger, in a masculine voice. “Wait-a-minute…” said Optimus Prime, “I thought you were a chick…” “Why does everyone think that?” “Because Pink is the gayest color…..” “That makes me angry. YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY!” And then, to break more copyright laws, the Pink Power Ranger Transformed into…DOCTOR OCTOPUS! The G.L.I.V.E.N. expanded to a large size, and ate them whole.
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Four This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. A Note For devaintART Readers: Although there is no “Mature Content Rating” on this story, this is not for viewing by younger kids. The overall rating of “The G.L.I.V.E.N. Edited” would be a PG13, but for the most part is PG or G. A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Abbreviations: In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. deviantART owns nothing of this, except for the name, insignia, and their hosting capabilities. Any non-disclaimer use of deviantART, is respectably copyrighted and trademarked by its owner. All rights reserved. And finally on to the story---- The G.L.I.V.E.N. walked out with the Hamburglar and got into the Whimsical Wonderful McDonald’s helicopter. Then Charles called them, on the Charles cell. “Turn on Channel Four!” “Okay, okay,” The G.L.I.V.E.N. said as he tuned into channel four. “We are currently having reports of rapeings! With this increased threat we advise all little kids to stay inside, lock the doors, and throw away all Kellogg’s cereals. We now go to Bob.” “Okay, thank you Linda. We are in the Frosted Flakes factory, A.K.A. the Playboy mansion of all breakfast cereals companies. We have here a little kid in this box. Now watch as we put him under a table and take the box off.” The man ripped the box off and a Flash of light appeared and took the child. “THEY’RE GREAT!” yelled a voice “We have reason to believe that the rapist behind this is one: Tony the Tiger.” The screen flashed back to Charles’ Video Camera. “I want you, G.L.I.V.E.N., to hunt down Tony and try to recruit him. Or kill him. You know, I really don’t give a damn what the hell you do. Hamburglar, come back to base.” The G.L.I.V.E.N. transformed into a jet and sped off in the direction for the Frosted Flakes factory. After five hours of flying and shots of Charles’ Home Made Whisky he finally got there. He went to the Kellogg’s Main Office where he found them having a funeral for the janitor of Zoey 101. The blob-like G.L.I.V.E.N. slithered into the room, and someone shouted “Hey there’s the bastard who killed the janitor!” “I FKING HATE YOU!” There was about 500 people in the room. They lunged for him and he opened his mouth. They all fell in, and subsequently died instantly. “Now, where’s the Frosted Flakes lab? Ahh there it is.” The G.L.I.V.E.N. walked towards a door painted psychedelic pink. When he opened it he saw about 750 hundred tables with toddlers underneath them. There also about 20 mini-jeeps that kids were in. Tony the Tiger came in wearing only a jockstrap. The G.L.I.V.E.N. transformed into a businessman and walked up to him. “Ummm…Mr. Tiger, would you be wanting to join Charles’ army?” “HOW DARE YOU INTRUPT MY WEEKLY MASS RAPINGS!” “There would be more girls to rape if you joined Charles’ army.” “No! ANYWAY I’m A MEMBER OF JIMMY DEAN’s ARMY!” “Wha-what? Wha-wha what?” Tony did a back flip, picked up four little kids, and jumped into his escape pod. “Bad news Charles! Tony is a member of Jimmy Dean’s army!” “Never trust a Hispanic tiger. Damn Hispanics!” “Isn’t that a Hispanic giving you a blow job now?” “Yes. Yes it is.” Suddenly the G.L.I.V.E.N.’s communicator got destroyed by a ninja star. “What the hell?” Suddenly, five kids jumped down. “We are the amazing Burger King kids! We shall destroy you with out ninja power!” They threw their ninja stars at the G.L.I.V.E.N. who ate them. “It’ll take more then that to destroy me!” “How about….” They threw ninja stars with a bombs on them at the G.L.I.V.E.N., who ate them up. “How about a ninja star with a Jar-Jar Binks: Porn Star Action figure on it!” said the black Burger King kid. Everyone, even the toddlers under the tables, stared at him. “HEY! We can all have different erotic fantasies!” “DAMN! THIS IS TAKING AY TOO LONG!” The G.L.I.V.E.N. transformed into a cell phone and called the Hamburglar. “I have some kids here who knows the king of burgers!” He tantalized “WHA-WHAT?” The Hamburgler suddenly crashed through the roof. He cut open the Burger King kid with the Jar-Jar Binks action figure, took his intestines out, and tied them all together. He captured all of the kids in 2.5 seconds and put them into his chopper and flew away. “G.L.I.V.E.N.!” Charles called the G.L.I.V.E.N. in cell phone mode, “Come back to base! I’m sending Grumio on a mission to bring back some bitchin’ babes from South America!” “I thought you said that you hatred Hispanics!” “The sex is worth it, G.L.I.V.E.N.!” Later As Gumio landed in South America a mysterious fox spied on him through a telescope. “Hmmm…there he is. I’ll kill him nice and--” Said Swiper the Fox to himself. “Okay! We went over the bridge, through the mystical woods and to the International Airport! Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport! Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport!” Over the bridge, through the woods, to the airport! AHA! Swiper, we’ve found you once again! Now hand back my telescope! Say it along with me! Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!” he heard Dora the explorer saying “Dora. I went to my psychiatrist and he cured my obsessive compulsive disorder. So, no. That doesn’t make me hand this back to you. In fact, I’d be rich with all the stole stuff, if it wasn’t for you!” He took out a gun and killed Dora, Boots and the stars. He also killed the backpack because it knew too much. To be continued…
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Five: Yeah, we do that type of thing here in San Andr--- South America! This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. A Note For devaintART Readers: Although there is no “Mature Content Rating” on this story, this is not for viewing by younger kids. The overall rating of “The G.L.I.V.E.N. Edited” would be a PG13, but for the most part is PG or G. A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. And finally on to the story---- Grumio got off of the plane and looked around. No hot chicks. He went into town, but only saw old women at stands. He went to the church and only saw nuns. He went to the He-Shes United meeting, and I won’t go there. He walked up to to an old women and asked, “What happened to all the Young Girls here?” “Senor Doug!” “Doug?” “Si, senor Doug.” “Doug?” “SI! SENOR DOUG!” “DOUG?” “GOD DAMMIT YES! SI! THE FRUIT LOOP IN A GREEN SWEATER!” “Where is he?” “Over on the East Side.” “EAST SIDE?” “Oh, don’t start that again, Grumio.” Gurmio’s eyes became angry. “I OWN EAST SIDE! I’LL GET THE HOT GIRLS OUT OF THERE!” He jumped into a Mustang, that was subsequently sitting next to him, and drove away. “There goes 60 years of work,” said the old lady as she watched the Mustang speed away. “Damn! I can’t believe that a Nickelodeon TV Show Character took over the east side! YOU’RE GONNA DIE DOUG!” “Who are you talking to?” asked a creepy guy, with a messed up eye. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IN HERE FOR?” “I’m the old women’s husband. Are you going to save my daughter?” “Yeah…save…heh heh…I mean, YES! But, this is my car now. So, goodbye old man.” “MY NAME IS THE TRUTH!” “YEAH AND I’M FROM THE OLD ROMAN EMPIRE! Oh, wait, I am…well…Fk it.” Grumio finished, as he pushed the old man out the window. “Yeah, we do that type of thing here in San Andr--- South America!” Grumio shouted out the window. He continued driving until he got to the east side. When he got there he got out and took out his implement of destruction: his good ol’ fryin’ pan. The East Side had a huge hole in the Middle of it. Suddenly, a missile came into contact of his car, blowing it up. “WHAT THE HELL?” He yelled. Just then, Swiper the fox jumped in front of him. “I didn’t think you’d come.” He said “ARE YOU WORKING FOR HIM?” Grumio asked “Who is this ‘him’?” “DOUG.” “You could say that.” said Swiper. “No, wait, yes.” Grumio took his frying pan, and hit Swiper with it, knocking Swiper over. “You wanna start?” Swiper asked, getting up. He pulled Dora the Explorer’s grandmother out of his back, and used her for a human shield. Grumio jumped up, and hit Dora’s grandmother. A metal disc fell out of the area where her breast should be. Grumio stared in disgust, but Swiper jumped and preformed his Super Soccer kick, on Grumio. Grumio jumped up, and hit Swiper again, knocking him out. Grumio walked over to the hole, and jumped in. He landed 20 feet down, and looked around. There was a long hallway, with a door at the end. He ran, and broke the door down. “Oh…oh…oh yeah! PUT IT IN! YEAH! YEAH! OH YEAH!” yelled Doug. He was in the process of putting a sandwich, made mostly of Mayonnaise, in his mouth. In the room there were about 20 bound and gagged women, being held in bondage, and Doug was sitting in his royal throne. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!” “Who the hell are yo---YOU’RE GRUMIO!” Suddenly Doug whipped off his belt, put it on his head, and his underwear suddenly appeared on the outside of his pants. THEN HE TRANSFORMED INTO QUAILMAN! “HOLY ST!” yelled Grumio. Quailman jumped up, but then realized that he couldn’t fly. He fell with a thud, and started crying. So, he took out his journal and started writing. Grumio walked over, and forcefully hit the back of Dougs neck with the frying pan, killing him. About 20 minutes he had untied all the women. They all walked out. Grumio led them to his plane. When they were about to take off, all the moms and dads came for them. Grumio ran over them all. When they were in the air, he put it on auto-pilot, and started “testing” them for their sex knowledge. --Meanwhile in a hick town-- “Sir,” said a menial worker to Church, “Yes?” “We have no more special hunters to go out on missions, except for this one,” As he pointed to Uncle Pat. “You mean Uncle Pat? THE UNCLE PAT? The Uncle Pat that was the man in the sexual education video who tell us that penis size doesn’t matter? He will do just fine. WUH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Meh.” To be continued... Courtesy of TV.com All rights reserved
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Six: The Hamburglar’s Turn This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. PLEASE READ BELOW. IT IS NOT THE USUAL YADDA-YADDA (as Google would put it). Chapter Note: This chapter (Chapter 6: The Hamburglar’s Turn), is a completely new, originally written chapter. Why? You ask? Why didn’t I just edit the original Chapter Six to make it age appropriate? The answer is simple. The original Chapter Six was beyond saving. Seriously. There was simply too much sexuality to be edited. I may, at a later time, release the un-edited Chapter Six. Most likely, I will release it to my deviantART account, but with a “Parental Warning”. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! And finally on to the story---- As Charles surveyed the new-found girls that Grumio brought in, he would check their names off on a list. “Hmmm…Girl 01928370 ….yep! Well, looks like I’m all done here.” Charles walked over to the head of Staff, Clara. Clara was a young woman, probably in her late twenties, or maybe in her early thirties. It was pretty unclear. After creating The School for Young Hot Girls, Charles needed a staff to help run it. So, he put an ad in the newspaper, and began to get workers. To join the staff you only needed to be three things. First, a female. Second, a hot female. Third, a hot female that’s a lesbian (but exceptions have been made for bisexuals). The Staff had a dress code, too. Miniskirts, fishnet stockings, and no shirts (or bras). “Here’s today’s new comers, Clara.” Said Charles, as he handed Clara the checklist. “Please put these fine young ladies in the Brainwashing Centre…” “But, sir…” she interrupted. “What is it?” “There’s one girl missing.” “WHAT?” “You didn’t check off girl “06969690”.” Charles’ eyes widened. “GRUM-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He yelled, with anger. --Meanwhile-- Grumio was in the kitchen, making his famous quiche. He was grading cheese. He put down the cheese grader, and sighed. He was thinking about his old home. Suddenly, he had a flashback. Actually, it wasn’t that sudden. But whatever…. --Flashback-- The time was 250 AD. The place was the Roman Empire. Everyone was talking in a dead language, and Grumio was a slave. Grumio was in a kitchen. He was chained against the wall. A man walked into the kitchen. His name was Caecillious. He pwned Grumio. I mean, owned. He owned Grumio, for Grumio was a slave. “Hey slave!” He yelled. “I do have a name!” responded Grumio. “SHUT UP! Make me a peacock burger. I expect it to be ready by the time I get back.” “Get back, from what?” “Me and some of the other guys are going to go play on top of Mt. Vesuvius.” Grumio, picked up the rifle. “I’ll have it done.” “Good.” Caecillious said, as he walked out of the room. Fifteen minutes later, as Grumio was skinning the peacock, he heard a huge explosion. He looked out the window and saw that Mt. Vesuvius had exploded. “Well, there’s another name off the ol’ list.” Grumio, pulled a sheet of paper labeled “People to Kill”, and crossed a name between “Al Sharpton” and “That Annoying Whether Guy With The Rubber Ducky” off of it. Suddenly lava, began to spill into the house. The lava melted Grumio’s chains, and he was FREE! Except for the fact that he was surrounded by lava. Suddenly, a time rift opened before him. “What the hell?” Grumio, asked himself as he walked in. The rift appeared to be a party. Jesus was DJing, and Abraham Lincoln was break dancing on the floor. “What is this?” asked Grumio. Suddenly, the music stopped. Jesus took off his head phones, and yelled, “WHO THE HELL OPENED THE TIME RIFT?” He scanned the room, and looked at George W. Bush, who was standing next to a huge red button, labeled “Time Rift Opener”. Dubya quickly pointed to George Coloney. “COLONEY!” yelled Jesus, as he flipped him off, and re-started the music. Suddenly, everyone heard sirens. “EVERYONE RUN! IT’S THE COPS!” yelled Jesus, as everyone began to scatter. George W. Bush, pressed the Time Rift button, and jumped off at year 1999, and so did Grumio. He landed in Charles’ kitchen, and decided to stay there. --End of the Flashback-- DING went the alarm. “Ooh! My soufflé is done!” said Grumio, as he put on oven mitts. He carefully picked the soufflé out of the oven, and rested it on the counter. Grumio smiled, as he saw the soufflé all puffed up, right in front of him. Suddenly, a big booming voice yelled, “GRUM-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”. The soufflé then de-inflated. “Damn you Charles!” thought Grumio to himself. He walked out of the kitchen, and right into the elevator. “The garage,” said Grumio, to the half-naked elevator lesbian. “Cuming right up!” said the elevator lesbian. After a few floors, Grumio got to the garage. He exited, and walked over to Charles. “You, ahem called?” He asked. “Where is girl 06969690?” asked Charles “You mean she’s not here?” asked Grumio, pointing to the huge Gerbil cage, with women inside of it. “Nope!” said Clara, handing Grumio the check list. “Hmmm…well, looks like it’s time for Plan B.” said Grumio “What is Plan B, sir?” asked Clara “Well, just like any good animal keeper would tell you,” said Grumio, while reaching into his toga, and pulling out a remote, “You must have collars on all your pets. And since, these woman are our pets, I’ve put GPS readable collars on them all.” Grumio pressed a button on the remote, and a huge “78 Widescreen Plasma High-Definition television screen, came down from the ceiling. There were about two hundred yellow-orange dots in one congregated spot. “That’s all these girls.” Said Grumio, pointing to the Gerbil cage. There was another yellow-orange dot about 5 inches away from the other dots. “That’s probably 06969690, over there.” “What’s that red dot over here?” asked Charles pointing towards a red dot. Grumio stopped in his tracks. He dropped the remote. The TV turned off. Grumio’s pupils became small. The soufflé became even less deflated. One of the girls in the Gerbil cage, stopped running, on the giant Gerbil wheel. “That’s……Uncle Pat.” Said Grumio in his harsh tone, as there was a flash of lightning outside. “Since when was there a thunder storm outside?” asked Clara, “And who the hell is Uncle Pat?” “Have you two ever seen the Sex Ed video?” asked Grumio “No.” said Clara “Nope. I was born with the talent.” Responded Charles “Well, then watch this,” said Grumio, picking up the TV remote, and pressing another button. -- In The Video -- “In Anytown, USA, a class of students will learn a life altering lesson…” said an announcer, as the camera zoomed into a school. “Now class,” started the teacher, “Next week we will be seeing a video.” “GOLLY GEE WILIKERS!” yelled a kid with a propeller hat on. The teacher picked up an apple off her desk and lobbed it at the child. “Little Johnny that is about the most clichéd saying in a sexual education video….ever…” Little Johnny, got up, and sat back in his chair. “So as I was saying…next week we will be seeing a video about the changes that you all will be—“ “Is the movie Winnie the Pooh’s Heffalump Movie?” “No, Johnny, it’s not. The movie will be on—“ “Is it Must Love Dogs?” “Johnny, it’s not a chick flick. It’s on the chan—“ “Is it Brokeback Mountain?” “NO IT’S NOT!” The teacher then pointed to the most muscular student in the class, then she pointed to Little Johnny. “You and Johnny. 3 o’clock. Today.” The strong student smiled evil-y, and cracked his knuckles, as Little Johnny began to cry. “So as I was saying, the video will be on the changes that your body may or MAY NOT (at these words she stared at Little Johnny) be going through at this time in your young virgin lives. So, we need you all to have your parents sign this form saying that we can sexually harr---I mean, show you this video.” “Later after school…” said the announcer, as the camera zoomed in on Little Johnny’s house. As Johnny returned home, with his clothes ripped, and with blood coming out from his nose, he opened the door, and walked inside. “How was your day at school, honey?” asked mom. “I GOT BEAT UP!” said Little Johnny “That’s good.” She replied. Little Johnny handed his mother the permission slip that his teacher had given him. “I GOT BEAT UP!” He repeated “Shhh…honey…I’m trying to read. Hmmm…honey your Uncle Pat is coming over this weekend. You and him are building a new patio.” “Yay! Uncle Pat! He’ll listen to me when I tell him that I got beat up and began to cry!” “You started to cry?” asked his father, who was reading the newspaper, with a pipe in his mouth. “You’re a loser.” “Yeah.” Agreed his mother, “Go to your room, you little puss.” “That weekend…” announced the announcer Uncle Pat and Little Johnny were outside building the patio. “…and then he beat me up…!” “Listen, Little Johnny, your mother invited me here to talk to you about something else.” “YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT HOW I GOT BEATEN UP?” “No, it’s not that I---no. I don’t care. She wanted me to talk to you about changes. Do you have any questions?” “Well…my gym teacher was making fun of my size...is there a standard ahem SIZE?” “No, Little Johnny, there isn’t. You see many guys have really small ones. So, they do everything to make up for loss. What do I do to make up for the loss, you ask? I don’t comb my hair, pop my collar, and brag about my Italian heritage repediatally.” --Reality Check-- The television screen then went back into the ceiling. “SIZE NOT MATTER?” yelled Charles “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! GRUMIO GO GET THE HAMBURGLAR, THEN YOU TRACK DOWN THE MISSING GIRL!” “Do I haaaaaaaave to? I really don’t like his room. I swear there’s rotting meat in there—“ “DO IT!” yelled Charles in rage Grumio once again walked into the elevator. He told the elevator lesbian to take him the Hamburglar’s room. When the elevator stopped, he got off and walked to the room. The door handle to the Hamburglar’s room was a hamburger. So was everything in the room. Grumio knocked on the door. “Ummm…Charles wants you.” “Okay, I’ll be there in a second.” Grumio went back to the basement. About five minutes later a tubular slide descended from the ceiling, and 5 pounds of hamburgers came out! A few minutes later, the Hamburglar came out, munching on one! “Was that absolutely necessary?” asked Grumio, skeptically. “NOT IMPORTANT! GRUMIO, GET THAT GIRL!” “Gah…fine!” Grumio, said picking up a shotgun. He cocked it and jumped out of the window, into his car. “Why do we even have doors?” asked Charles “The real question is; how does Grumio have a car when he’s from the Roman Empire—more importantly, how the hell does he know how to drive?” asked George Coloney. Everyone stared at him until the Hamburglar threw a hamburger at him. “Hamburglar, you go after Uncle Pat!” ordered Charles “Where should I start looking for him?” “The favorite sport of guys like him.” “What is that? Street water polo? Competitive piano battles?” “Drinking contests. By the way, how the hell did you ever come up with the idea of street water polo?” “I was young.” Said the Hamburglar, “I needed money.” “You should go to Old York, the world home of wrestling.” “Old…york?” “GET ON IT!” yelled Clara “SIR, YES SIR!” responded the Hamburglar “Now please use the doors provided for your exiti—“ started Charles, before the Hamburglar leaped over the window into the Whimsical Wonderful McDonald’s Helicopter. “Damn.” It took the Hamburglar 18 hours to find Old York on the map, and 10 minutes to fly there. In fact, it was the next town over. The Hamburglar stopped the Whimsical Wonderful McDonald’s helicopter in front of an old, run down bar, called “O’Hooligan’s”. He walked in, and walked towards the bar. The bartender was cleaning a glass, like they always do. “What’ll it be partner?” asked the Barkeep “I’m looking for a cliché old creepy guy; preferably with only one hand, but I’m not picky; who sits in the corner of the bar and knows everything about everything going on. Who would that be?” “Aye, that be Ol’ Batman, right o’er th’er.” “Thanks.” The Hamburglar meandered his way over to the caped crusader sitting alone at the back table. The Hamburglar pulled up a seat next to Batman. “I’m looking for someone.” Said the Hamburglar “AND I’M LOOKING FOR A NEW HIP! OTHERWISE THE BATMOBILE ISN’T COVERED BY MY INSURANCE POLICY!” yelled Batman “His name is…” the Hamburglar moved closer to Batman and whispered in his ear, “Uncle Pat.” Suddenly the entire bar gasped, grew silent, and starred at Batman and the Hamburglar. “Are you all really listening to our conversation?” “Yeah…I know where he is.” The Batman responded “Really?” “He’s in the back room there. But there’s only one way to see him, Burger Man.” “What is that?” “You must compete and get to the top of the game, Man of Burgers.” “My name is the Hamburglar. And what the hell are you talking about? What game?” “Well, Burger Lad….DRINKIN’ CONTEST!” --Five Minutes Later-- “The Hamburglar has made his way up to the top rankings of drinkers. Through the mild abusers to the AA-quitters, he had defeated them all. This young Hamburger lover has the heart of the glass, Bob.” said an announcer, passionately. “I’ll drink to that, Tim!” responded Bob, raising his glass. “His next match will be for the title.” Said Tim, chugging his Jack Daniel’s. “IT’S TIME FOR THE FINALS! IT’S THE HAMBURGLAR VS. UNCLE PAT! DRINKERS APPROACH YOUR GLASSES!” The Hamburglar and Uncle Pat both walked out and pulled out barstools. Uncle Pat was a creepy man with black hair. His hair was messed up and he had a popped collar, and was wearing a “Kiss me I’m Italian” pin. “He fits the description.” The Hamburglar thought to himself. “GENTLEMEN...HOLD YOUR GLASSES…AND…BEGIN!” yelled Tim “MAN! I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH DRINKING IN MY ENTIRE CAREER!” exclaimed Bob, as the drinkers began to chug. “You say that every time Tim.” “Yes, I do. But that’s because I’m stoned. I’m so stoned that I don’t even notice that there is no camera, and my microphone isn’t actually plugged in!” “Well that’s blah blah blah blah blah blah…” Just then everyone’s heads began to expand like a balloon, until they all popped. “HAMBURGLAR! You’re on in five!” yelled a man “Where am I?” he asked. “WHERE ARE YOU?” yelled the man, “The year is 1921, the probation has just started, and onion’s are all the rage. You are an experienced stage dancer. You’re about to go dance the Charleston on a tiger cage. YOU’RE NOW ON!” The man pushed the Hamburglar out on a cage of lions. -- Five Minutes Later -- After executing a perfect Charleston, over the lion’s…I mean…tiger’s cage, the president of the United States walked up to him. “Hello, Mr. Burglar.” Said the president, “I’m the President of the United States, and my name is…well the writer can’t remember my name…I mean…uhh…Here’s the Nobel Peace Prize for that dance! You are now the President of the US of A!” Suddenly the ground underneath him changed into the White House. “Where am I?” asked the Hamburglar “Well, Mr. President, you’ve just been re-elected for your fifth term, and you just changed our country’s national flag to a picture of George Coloney nude. Germany has just contacted us. They want to trade with us. It might be a good way to ring in 1943, I mean, what could they POSSIBLY have up their sleeves….blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…” Suddenly the Hamburglar woke up. He saw a half-naked Doctor lesbian looking at him. “He’s up!” she yelled “Where am I?” “Well,” said Charles “You got so wasted that you slept for a week.” “What about Uncle Pat?” “He died of Alcohol poisoning.” Said Charles, smiling evilly. “Good, good, now all we need is a chapter closer…” Just then George Coloney’s car exploded, and the chapter ended. \
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Seven: The Hunter Is Now The….Hunter! This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. And finally on to the story---- “Please call the Hunter into my office.” Said Charles into the intercom. “Just tell me it!” said the Hunter “Well, an alliance between the WFF and the QFQ’s has been made!!” “WFF and QFQ?” asked the Hamburglar “Yeah what the fk are you talking about?” asked the Hunter “World Federation of Feminists and the Queer Federation of Queers.” responded Clara “ Yes, and I have a feeling that they are plotting against the most manly place in the world!!” Responded Charles, “CHARLES’ MANSION!?” yelled the Hunter, “So you want me to intercept their meeting?” “Yes.” “I’ll get right on it!” The Hunter said, as he jumped out a window. “DAMMIT!! WE HAVE A DOOR!! A DOOR!!” yelled Charles. “Welcome to my world,” said the mom on Dawson’s Creek. “GRUMIO!! Get the Desinigration ray!!” yelled Charles --Meanwhile, with the Hunter— “Now, I need a ride!!” He walked out onto the road and jacked a Porche, which was parked outside of Charle’s mansion. The Hunter walked over to it, and wrenched the person who was sitting in the car out of it. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice that it was really a woman. A suspicious looking woman. After he was on the road a while he remembered. He didn’t know where the hell he was going. He took out a map. “Let’s see…I’m here…and Boston is over here. I only have…….1023 MILES!!?? There’s only one way I’ll be able to do this…looks like it’s time for a…..ROADTRIP!!” --About fours days later, 230 beers, 197 bags of chips, and 456 shot hookers later-- “Yes! I’m finally here!! Ahhh…Boston…home of some crappy baseball team! ” The Hunter walked around he found a farmer hobo. “Where’s the gay meeting held at?” asked the Hunter “A few streets down!” said the bum, Hunter drove his Porsche to the meeting. It was being held at the Bum Backpacks factory. He took out a pair of binoculars. “This is defiantly the place,” The Hunter thought to himself, as he watched the Numa Numa guy start to pole dance. “I’ll need a distraction…hmmm…” He reached in his pocket, and pulled out the latest issue of Playboy, and threw it inside. “Like, oh my god is that?” asked the Numa Numa guy, “I, like, don’t know!” said Elton John “Let’s shoot it!” said a feminist “I, like, don’t, know that seems, like, a little violent!!” said a gay guy “Fk you!” said another feminist, pulling out a shotgun, from her bra, and shooting the magazine. “Like, order in the room,” said the president of the QFQ “SHUT YOUR TRAPS!!” yelled the vice president of the WFF. “The attack of Charles’ mansion will become under way soon.” She continued to say. “WHAT!?” thought Hunter to himself. He was hiding on the catwalk of the meeting house. “…and now for, like, the winner of the Gayest Man in 04’, like, award, COMMANDER BENNY CHURCH!” yelled the QFQ president. “Church!?” Hunter asked himself. “Hello everyone. Meh. As you know the feminists are on their way now, back to Charles’ mansion. Meh. And this whole meeting was to distract the most dangerous member of their team: HUNTER!! Meh.” “Mr. Church, like, what about the gliven?” “It’s pronounced G.L.I.V.E.N.. Meh. Second, we all ready caught him, and we disposed of him! Meh.” Suddenly, the Robot Blacksmith (Church’s secret weapon), came out of the shadows. “Sir, that was a squirrel.” “But we still destroyed him, right? Meh.” “No, he escaped.” Hunter couldn’t bear anymore of this. He jumped down from the catwalk, guns flaring. He killed about twenty people, and the space where he was about to land. “I‘m gonna finally finish you off!!” Hunter said, as he fired. Just then he heard about twenty gay guys screaming “Noeowee!!” and it killed them all, except for Church. “Anyway, I’m just a robot!“ “How cliché!” said the Hunter. He kept trying to shoot the Church, and Gays kept sacrificing themselves, until there were none left. Then Hunter had to focus on the feminists. “GIRL POWER SUCKS!!” yelled the Hunter. All the feminists pulled shotguns out and started shooting. The Hunter pulled out some guns, and started returning the shots. The Hunter shot some of the women down, but then a hippie van, ran over all of the women. “GOD DAMN HIPPIES!!” yelled the Hunter A woman opened the door. It was Aunt Jemima!! “The president of the WFF!!” “Idiot.” said the Aunt, “Every second you waste is one that us feminists take over your boss’ base!!” “Oh shit! I almost forgot about Charles’ base!” He jumped in his Porsche, and sped away. About 100 miles, later he noticed that there were about 50 hippie vans following them. The Hunter knew their weakness. He got a can of Axe Deodorant and lit it on fire, he then launched out of the window. It exploded and all the hippie vans crashed together. And they all died. --Meanwhile in a Hick Town-- “Now that Charles and his army is all tied up I have more time to recruit more members. Meh. The only person we have left is Smith, the robotic blacksmith. Meh. I have an idea! Meh. Come Jimmy Dean! Meh. To the Meh mobile! Meh.” Jimmy Dean and Church jumped into a John Deer tractor and sped away. About three hours later the arrived into Typicaltown, USA. They proceeded to Typical Junior High. They got off the tractor, “You see dear, Jimmy, we will kill them using a Nickelodeon character. The one, the only the typical, Meh.” Church opened a door, and pointed to a girl with orange hair. She had no breasts at all. She was as flat a Dutch pancake in a steam roller factory. And her face, it was filled with huge zits. It was Miss Pizza-pie-face herself: Ginger Foutly. (From As Told By Ginger) “Ginger, do you want to join me on a quest for world domination? Meh.” “Well, I don’t know…since I’m the typical average teenage girl…I don’t know…I’m typical…” “Git in the Meh mobile! Meh.” --About 45 Minutes On The Normal Side-- Jimmy, Church, and Ginger, were in a city, near a beach. It was late in he evening. There was a white dotted line between the beach and the city. Church pointed to the beach and said, “That’s the wild side! We’re gonna take a ride on he wild side. Meh. C’mon! Meh.” Church put the tractor into second gear, and sped onto the wild side. After a little while of riding the found a little man on another John deer tractor. He had a big orange baseball cap, that was completely covering his face. He had really big white and black shoes. He was wearing blue jeans and a red shirt, and had a foam hand that said “#2” on it. “Do you wanna join our team to take over the world? Meh.” asked Chruch “If I work for you could I have ice?” “Yeah. Meh. But, why would you want ice? Meh.” “I smoke it, man. I get high off it, man.” “Oookkkaaayyy…. Meh.” --About twenty minutes later, in suburbs-- Church ran up to a house and rang the door. He then jumped into a bush. “I’m coming to the door! I’m coming! I’m coming! With the feet and the door and the gigabehdkfljksj; you know what I mean!” Bill Cosby yelled as he came to the door. When Bill opened the door, Church covered him in a burlap sack. “It’s dark in here! With the black and the sack and the ddsjfkkldsjfidjsfiikjdsflj; you know what I mean!” Church brought him to the Meh Mobile. ---Abut two hours later, in Hollywood-- As the Meh mobile pulled up to a house, they realized that the house was surrounded by the US Sanitation Department. “What’s goin’ on here? Meh.” Church asked the head of the police “The guy in this house has 4.9 cubic tons of rotting cheese in his pool. We’re tryin’ to get him out!” “I’m from the US FBI. I’ll take it from here. Meh.” “I usually wouldn’t let you, but tomorrow’s my last day on the job. So fk him for all I care. I’m finally gonna retire from 20 years of cleaning out rotten food!” The guard summoned for all of his officers to leave. Church walked inside of the house, and looked around. He found an orange dinosaur crying in a closet. “Ummm….hello? Meh.” “GET AWAY FROM HERE POLICE!!! Oh, it’s not the police. Who the fk are you?” “I’m Church, meh. You wanna help me take the world over?” “Can I bring my cheese?” “Sure. Meh.” The John Deer tractor had quite a load to carry. It had to carry enough tampons to feed an Asian town for two months, another tractor, and 4.9 cubic ton of cheese! Rotting cheese. --Meanwhile, at Charles’ Mansion-- It was Sunday at the mansion so that means that they were watching the game. And by that I mean lesbian mud fights. It was a normal day at the mansion. Until red lights started to go off everywhere, then Clara appeared on the television screen. She was topless. “Charles, there appear to be a large number of Feminists heading this way! Initiate lockdown mode?” “Are those new nipple rings?” “Why yes they are, you like em’?” “I’ll have to try them out later!” “Shut up you idiot!” yelled the G.L.I.V.E.N. ; “Initiate lockdown mode! Hamburglar you man the turrets! Clara get all the lesbo guards into the safe hold with Charles! I’ll go onto the battlefield!” Charles mansion began to lockdown. The boat entrance was shut down. The whole outside was covered with metal, the fence was electric-ified. The janitor was shoved full of explosives. And a turret; with the Hamburglar on it rose from the chimney. --Meanwhile, with the Hunter-- The Hunter continued running from the feminists. He finally made it to Charles’ Mansion. But his flag of the communist flag wasn’t there. It was a flag with the Venus sign. The Hamburglar and the G.L.I.V.E.N. were knocked out, in the courtyard. “What the fk happened to you two?” asked the Hunter “Uhh…” The G.L.I.V.E.N. was just waking up. He suddenly was angry. “DAMNIT!! THEY GOT INSIDE!!” “What!?” asked the Hunter “I’ll explain it all………………” To be continued next chapter.
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Eight: Feminist takeover!? My ass! “The only one that hasn’t been caught is Charles!” said the Hamburglar “What happened to the flashback?” asked the Hunter “That’s not what’s in the script.” Whispered Grumio, who was sitting next to them. “No, but seriously! What the fk happened to it?” Suddenly a hand from the clouds picked the hunter up. He then put down a clearly-brainwashed Hunter. “NOW…LET…US…CONTINUE…WITH…THE…STORY…” said the Hunter, monotonously. “What should we do Hunter?” asked Grumio “I think I have an idea.” The Hunter pulled out a cell phone and called someone. About an hour later they heard an extremely high pitched whistle, and a ship broke through the fence. Suddenly, a three foot high man dressed all in blue jumped out. He was wearing white shoulder thingies. He had a pimpin’ hat. It was Cap’n Crunch. “CRUNCH-I-TIZE ME CAP’N!!!!” yelled the Hamburglar. The Hunter slapped him. “Get Charles outta there!” yelled the stick figure. “Aye aye!” the Crunchmeister hopped in his ship and crashed through the side of the building. “Won’t this we just destroy the building rather than fixing the problem?” asked the Hamburglar. Everyone glared at him. “Hamburglar, who let you back inside?” asked Peter Griffin, from Family Guy. “Aren’t we….already outside?” asked the Hamburglar. “Oh yeah. I was as stupid as that time I went to the ghetto with Fat Joe….” --Flashback-- Peter and Fat Joe are walking down the street. Suddenly five rabid bears with GATs jump out and kill them both. --End Flashback-- “What the hell was that!?” asked Hunter “Well, when ever we say ‘…remember that time I….?’ we flash back. No matter how gay and annoying it is.” Responded Meg Griffin, also from Family Guy. “Meg….who let you out of Charles’ Re-Hot-ification Centre?” asked Grumio “She did!” said Meg, pointing to Aunt Jemimah, letting Elen Degeneris, Rosie O’Donnel, and Papa Smurf out of the Re-Hot-Ification Centre. Peter Griffen jumped, and killed the Aunt. Promptly, after that, him and all the other Family Guy cameos, got run over by Cap’n Crunch’s ship. The good Cap’n dropped Charles off. “Ahh..thank you Capn’. Hey, if you destroy all of the feminists, and repair this mansion then I’ll give you….ummm…”as Charles rummaged around his pockets, he suddenly pointed and created a distraction. “Hey look over there! It’s George Coloney!” Sure, enough it was. George Coloney saw that everyone was looking at him. “AHHH!!! THEY’RE LOOKING AT ME!!! I’m GONNA MELT!!!” He yelled as he dropped the Ground. He didn’t melt, but Charles stole a ticket to the annual Sci Fi convention. “You can have this!!” “Neato!” said the Hamburglar. Everyone glared at him. The Hunter slapped him. “Well, there’s only one way to fix this problem. A montage!” said the Cap’n “But this is a story. There’s no music!” said Charles “Maybe to you this isn’t music, but to me it’s a little known thing called MRDINK Radio!” responded the Crunch “MRDINK? Isn’t that the purple fag from that show Doug?” asked the Hamburglar “I SENT DOUG TO HELL!!” yelled Grumio --Meanwhile in Hell-- Doug was writing in his journal. Dear Diary, Today was a bad day in Hell. First we went to the torture chamber. I wondered what was in there. There were no torture devices. Just a television set to one channel. Where one particular show was playing on a continuous loop. LARRY KING LIVE was playing!! Then we were forced to have sex with men. The rest of them got Tom Cruise, and other such people, but I got Mike Tyson. He bit me. But he didn’t bite my ear. Then Patty Mayonnaise walked by and threw dirt in my eyes. Lastly, while I write this I am on fire. I am burning. It is hot. Very. Sincerely, Doug Funnie --Back Near Charles’ Mansion-- Mr. Crunch got into his monster truck, and put on MRDINK Radio. He got the hydraulics’ rollin’. On the side written was “Crunch Pimp”. He crashed through the wall, and everyone heard Mr. Dink’s voice echo through the building, and woman’s screams. “Mr. Dinks’s a gayass.” Said the Hunter “I think he’s cool!!” said the Hamburglar. “YOU HAVE LOST YOUR TALKING PRIVALLIDGE!” yelled the Hunter hitting the Hamburglar with a smoothie-making machine. “Well, there’s only one thing left to do---“started the Hamburglar “—GO TO ITALY!!” cut off Charles --Hours Later on a Plane-- “That really wasn’t what I was gonna say---“ said the Hamburglar “---say what?” “I said that we should go help the homeless.” said the Hamburglar “WUH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!” The Hamburglar. Every one glared at him. “HELPING THE HOMELESS IS COOL.” Yelled Charles, as the Hunter threw a lobster at the Hamburglar. --Meanwhile— “EVERYONE SHUT UP! WE’RE TAKING OVER THIS PLANE!!” yelled a bird and clown and a man with the head of a hamburger. IT WAS THE MACDONALDS TERRORIST CREW! Unfortunately, for them, they weren’t in the cockpit. Or the hallway, Or even in the plane. They were still in the security checking place. “You know what Ronald?” asked the guy with the head of a hamburger “What, Mayor McCheese?” asked Ronald “Do you know what we did wrong, Birdie?” asked Mayor McCheese “What?” asked Birdie “I think we should’ve waited to hijack this plane…..” --Meanwhile in Italy— A car drove up to a MacDonalds drive thru window. “Hello, welcome to Mickey D’s! Can I take your order?” asked feminine voice “Let me in the mafia’s hold! Duh!” said a dark man in a dark car. “Okeedokee!” She then proceeded to press a button. The car fell down a trap door, into the Mafia’s deep confines. “Sir, your three hitmen have been caught by Airport Security, and the Charles team is on the airplane!!” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Duh.” Responded the dark man, who was leader of Italy’s mafia. To be continued in the next chapter.
The G.L.I.V.E.N. Chapter Nine: The Dark Mafia Has A Dark Leader This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is re-released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. And finally on to the story---- “HOW’d THEY GET CAUHT!? Duh.” asked the Grimace. “Well, ya see boss…they apparently didn’t get passed security when they started threatening people….” Responded a random guard “DAMN IT! Duh.” “Well, that’s what you get when you cut back on our budget!” exclaimed another guard “Hey! Selling merchandise is just as important as whacking people!” the Grimace responded pointing towards a bunch of T-shirts that said “I’m With Dark!” and an arrow pointing to the left. “Now, that’s a good pun! Duh.” Said the Grimace, admiring his own work. “But what’re we gonna do? Jimmy Dean’s team sent out those Charles bastards to kill us!” “Little do these fools know that the Charles team hates Jimmy Dean, and would never work with them. Now let’s see what going on with—“ started the announcer “HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS THE ANNOUNCER DOING IN OUR SECRET- LAIR!?” yelled a henchmen “Let’s get him!” yelled the Grimace --Five minutes later-- “…get him some merchandise, that is! Duh.” Finished the Grimace “Oh I liked this mens sports bra! It gives me the comfort I so desire!” responded the announcer, as he walked out of the lair. “Isn’t that a woman’s spor—“ “Shhhuuuutttt iiiittttt. Duh.” The Grimace cut him off. The announcer shut the door with a slam. “Hey Grimace, why do we have woman’s sports bras?” asked a henchmen “Because, I look damn sexy in em’! Duh.” Little did they know that they were being watched. There was a little wire. It was watching them. It went through a pipe that went through the McDonald’s Cleaning Supplies closet. Because the McDonalds staff never goes in there, it was never found. The wire transmitted to a high tech Inspiron 82-X-0809, the most advanced in its class. It was equipped with the latest fiber optic, ultimatum improvised, ultra mega extra output file lines for file transfer protocol utilities, neat-o burger powers, and extra hyper text markup language electric boxes. All that information was sent to a hick somewhere in Hicksville, USA. He would then use a broom to tap out morose code to his master….JIMMY DEAN!! Suddenly the Hickmobile pulled up to his base. Church got out of the tractor. “YES!! AFTER, LIKE TWO FKING CHAPTERS WE ARE FINNALLY HERE!! Meh. ONE OF YOU IS REALLY FAT AND WILL NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT! Meh. “I THINK IT’s….” The Kraft Dinosaur looked at his feet. Please don’t talk about my weight problem, I’m very sensitive. The Kraf Dinosaur thought to himself. “…GINGER!! Meh. LOSE WEIGHT! Meh.” “I’m not fat! I don’t even have breasts!” she responded. The Kraft dinosaur Rudely, yet accidentally yawned. “Is something wrong, Kraft Dinosaur? Meh.” “I just got no sleep. Damn Cosby! He couldn’t stop fking ranting!” “HOW DARE YOU DISS THE COSINATOR!! Meh. THREE MORE HOURS IN THE FAT CAMP, GINGER!! Meh.” “But, I didn’t say anythi—“ “MAKE THAT FOUR HOURS!! Meh.” “YOU’RE AS MEAN AS THAT TIME MY FAGGY FRIENDS MADE FUN OF ME FOR MY LACK OF BOOBIES! WAAAAAA!!” Ginger started typically crying. --Meanwhile on the plane-- The Hamburglar pressed the “call button”. A flight attendant came over to him. She was very hot, and had an extremely tight and short skirt. “Can I have some soda, no ice?” He asked “Why sure thing!” She called up to the flight attendant with the soda tray. Charles noticed the flight attendant. “Hey babe…” “Don’t SAY THAT !! THAT’S SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!” She responded in a “know-it-all” tone of voice. “Damn she’s prude!” Charles said to himself. “There’s only one thing to do…” “Hey, can you give me the time?” asked Charles. As she put her head down to check her watch, then HE CLOROFORMED HER! “Here is your drink, Mr. Hamburglar!” said a fat gay flight attendant. “Wait a minute….there’s ice in my soda….I ASKED FOR NO ICE!” Suddenly the whole plane went silent. Everyone glared at the flight attendant. “HEY LOOK OVER THERE IT’s A HUMBURGER!” yelled the Hunter. The fat flight attendant looked out the window, and the hunter pushed her out. Unfortunately, the Hunter had picked the wrong distraction, and the Hamburglar also jumped out. Fortunately, they were already in Italy. The gang got out of the plane. “Now what should we do now?” asked the Hunter “Go to those nice Italian strip clubs!” said Charles “Let’s go to the good ol’ coliseum and watch a girl girl fight!” said Grumio “Isn’t that where two hot girl fought naked and killed each other?” asked the Hamburglar Charles slapped Grumio. ‘WHAT A WASTE OF GOOD GIRLS!” “Didn’t you just last chapter watch those fights on televis—“ started the Hamburglar “Shhhuutttt iiiitttt…” “Let’s eat!” said the Hunter. The gang went around searching for a place to eat for a while. The only two places they could eat. One was MacDonald’s, and the other was a restraint owned by a creepy guy named Earl. Top of Form After a long discussion, and the realization that Earl’s didn’t have a “wet T-shirt night”, they chose to go the MacDonald’s. After all ordering they sat down. Suddenly an alarm went off. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?” yelled Charles “It’s-a the retard alert! It means that-a a retard is coming this way! EVERYONE RUN!” yelled the manager Everyone ran away and only the Charles crew remained. Suddenly, Joe, from Blue’s Clues walked in. Everyone was hiding behind him. “WHERE IS EVERYONE? WHERE ARE THEY?” Joe yelled, even though everyone was clearly behind him. An Italian man came up, gave Joe a letter, and ran, with everyone else. “What the hell? HEEEEEEY! It’s a letter from our friends!” said Joe. Suddenly, a white powder flew out of the envelope. “OH GOD, it’s anthrax!!!” He then dropped dead. The alarm stopped sounding. Then it started back up again. “Why is it still going?” asked the Hunter “Because I’m gonna be bouncin’ with you guy’s!” yelled the Grimace as he crashed through the roof, wearing a spacesuit. “WHAT!?” yelled the Hamburglar, as the Grimace took him as a hostage. Suddenly the G.L.I.V.E.N. jumped up and, jumped, and caught the bullets in its mouth. “DAAAMMNN YOU!! Duh.” said the Grimace. He through down a smoke bomb. As the smoke cleared, the Grimace was still there. “Ohhhhh yyyyeeeeaaaahhh, I’m supposed to leave now…..duh…….” The Grimace slowly backed out. “DAMN!” said the G.L.I.V.E.N., “I haven’t been in the last few chapters, and now this…..GAH!!!!!!!” To be continued in the next chapter.
Chapter 10 “Isn’t this story called “THE G.L.I.V.E.N.?” This story is rated M for drug use, swearing, intense sex scenes, violence, gore, alcoholic beverages, gambling, George W. Bush, and use of tobacco. Abbreviations In this story I will use the following abbreviations: POV--Point of View A/N -- Author’s Note R&R--Read and Review A Note For FictionPress Readers Although, this story has many copyrighted characters in them (please refer to Copyright Note below), it is still FictionPress acceptable, this is only because it doesn’t “fanfic” from any specific others, and it has a completely new plot. And now a Fun Fact: FictionPress was the original birthplace to “The G.L.I.V.E.N.” until it moved to being an email-upon-request story, until being an FGBM27 Profile exclusive. Then moving to deviantART and now it is re-released on FictionPress. A Note For FanFiction Dot Net Readers: Although this story doesn’t respect one standard series that I’m “fanfic”-ing, it should still be considered a fanfic for the reason that it is basically a “mash-up fanfic”. Editor’s Note: This story has been edited for a PG13 rating. The F-word and N-word (and occasion the S- and AH words will be cut as well) and some sexuality will be cut. The words “goddamn”, “god damn”, “dammit”, “damn it”, or any word(s) related to the word “damnation” will not be cut. Copyright Note: Evil Dogfish Productions does not claim to own any pre-copyrighted characters, although the story formulated for theoretical characters are owned by Copyrighted by EDP in 2006. A Special Note From The Author: This is the first Chapter of The G.L.I.V.E.N. I’ve written in at least seven months! All the other one’s I had prewritten and were on my hard drive, and Ch6 was a remake. And finally on to the story---- “LET’s GET THE HAMBURGLAR BACK!!” yelled the Hunter, getting up from his chair. “SIT THE FK DOWN!” yelled the G.L.I.V.E.N. “I haven’t even been in the last few chapters, and the story is named after me for god’s sake!” “Chapters? Story? What?” asked Grumio. The Charles gang exchanged looks, until Charles yelled, “Sunglasses people!” Everyone except for Grumio put on sunglasses. Charles took out an object, and flashed it in Grumio’s eyes. “What? Where am I?” asked Grumio, in a daze. “C’mon Charles! Lets get the Hamburglar back!” yelled the G.L.I.V.E.N. taking out a GAT. “Awww….I wanted to look at the leaning tower of Piza…people said that it looked like a giant d—“ “Shut up, and get your gun!” interrupted the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Okay, fine…” said Charles reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a pink dildo. “Whoops!” He reached in his pocket an pulled out a red dildo. “Whoops!” He reached in his pocket an pulled out a blue dildo. “Whoops!” He reached in his pocket an pulled out a green dildo. “Whoops!” He reached in his pocket an pulled out a see-through dildo. ---Two hours and 467 colors (including 37 shades of light-magenta) later -- “Ahhh….here it is!” said Charles as he pulled out his pistol. Charles looked into the holder and realized, “SHIT! There’s no ammo!” “FINE! Here’s some!” The G.L.I.V.E.N. exclaimed as he threw some ammunition at Charles. They suddenly jumped up and ran away. “So….where’s my McNuggets!?” asked Grumio, pounding on the counter. --Meanwhile with the G.L.I.V.E.N. and Charles -- “So…how the hell are we going to find out where they went?” asked Charles “Well…we might start over there…” said the G.L.I.V.E.N., pointing to a sign that said, ‘The Grimace’s Secret Mafia Hideout’, with an arrow pointing into a hole. “Maybe…” said Charles, “But just to be sure…” He threw Donald Duck into the hole. “What was the point of that?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Just watch.” Suddenly, ninjas swooped down from the sky and abducted him. “I knew it! It’s him!” yelled Charles, with a scared expression. “You know why I threw him down there, right?” “No….I don’t….” “Well there’s one person who hated him …it’s not safe here…” “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?” “We are now locked in a gang war. We will live by night and sleep by day. The world now hates--” “SHUT THE FK UP!” “TROOP LEADER BOB IS COMING FOR ME!!” yelled Charles, at the top of his lungs. “Troop Leader Bob?” --Meanwhile with Grumio and the Hunter-- “HOLY SHIT! CHARLES AND THE G.L.I.V.E.N. LEFT ON A MISSION TO RESCUE THE HAMBURGLAR!! WHAT SHOULD WE DO!?” yelled the Hunter “Well, we still haven’t gotten our McNuggets yet. After we do, then we’ll rescue them.” “Sounds good to me. I told the Hamburglar to get me a Big Mac.” --Back with Charles-- “Troop Leader Bob!? Who the hell is that!?” yelled the G.L.I.V.E.N. “You don’t know!? Haven’t you ever been a Boy Scout?” “Nope. The military never made me a Boy Scout.” “Oh I was once.” “Why?” “Too much beer. Now, sit down here, and I’ll tell you a story.” “But what about the Hamburglar?” “I didn’t really like him anyway.” --Meanwhile— “Mr. Grimace…we have successfully locked the Hamburglar up.” Reported a guard to the Grimace, who in his dark office. “BAH! I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT! HAS IT ARRIVED?” “Yes, the nuclear war heads you requested have just come in and we are currently assembling them.” “NOT THAT!” “The tanks? Yes, we are just putting the finishing touches on them.” “NO! SOMEHTING MORE IMPORTANT!” “Oh. Yes, Mr. Grimace…your monthly addition of Overalls USA has just arrived.” “Excellent.” Said Mr. Grimace, in an evil yet goofy tone. The Guard handed the Grimace the magazine. “By the way, that new hitman, Troop Leader Bob, is on his way to kill the Charles’ Gang.” “Excellent, excellent, excellent, my master plan is all coming into play!” said the Grimace, turning that page in Overalls USA. “OH MY GOD! THE JUNE OVERALL SPECIAL!!!” The Grimace ran (although he’s a purple, round thing, with half-foot feet…) over to the side of the wall. There was a box that read, “Break Glass In Case Of June Special Overalls”. The Grimace broke the glass. The box contained two things. One of them was a pair of sunglasses, and the other was a button. The Grimace put on the sunglasses, and pressed the button. Suddenly the song “Alley-Oop” by Dante & the Evergreens began to play. The Grimace began dancing the “Can-Can”. “Mr. Grimace, I’ll be leaving now.” The guard responded, a little bit scared. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!” yelled the Grimace “I’M IN THE ZONE!!” --Meanwhile at the McDonald’s-- The Hunter, Grumio, and the Hamburglar were killing time until their McNugget’s came in. “Hasn’t at least 3 hours elapsed since we even made that order?” asked Grumio. “Their quality makes up for the wait.” Responded the Hamburglar “You’re only saying that ‘cause you used to work here!” exclaimed the Hunter, angrily, “THIS PLACE’S FOOD SUCKS!” “Excuse me sir…” said a young child, dressed in a green uniform, as he tapped on the Hunter’s shoulders, “Can you please not swear? It’s not nice.” “DON’T FKING TOUCH ME YOU FKING KID!!” yelled the Hunter, as he aimed a shotgun at the child. The child suddenly grasped his ears, and began to scream. “NOT THE F-WORD! MY VIRGIN EARS! HELP ME TROOP LEADER BOB!!” yelled the child, who had begun to cry. He ran to a fat, middle aged man, who was balding, and had a five o’clock shadow. He was wearing a badge that said “Troop 439” on it. “GAH! Boy scouts!” exclaimed Grumio, as the entire Charles gang stood up. “Charles dealt with you damned Communist-loving boy scouts. WHY HAVE YOU COME BACK?” The Hunter handed Grumio a rocket launcher, and two M9 Pistols, to the Hamburglar. “Please put your guns away. It violates at least five of Italy’s Personal Firearm Laws against—“ started Troop Leader Bob before he was cut off. “Oh, just shut the fk up.” Responded the Hunter. Suddenly all the children began holding their ears and screaming in pain. One fat child’s ears began to severally bleed. “Can you please not say…the f word? Try using ‘fudge’ instead.” Said a nerdy child. He was holding a bag labeled, “Use In Cass of Sinful Words”. He was wearing earplugs. “Are you allowed to fking say the word, DIE!?” yelled the Hunter, pulling out an uzi, and aiming it at the Young Boy Scout. “Gentlemen, Gentlemen, put the weapons away,” said a high pitched voice. It was Troop Leader Bob’s. “All we want is our ADA-approved completely approved all-white meat un-pesticide, uni-testosterone-ed-estrogen-ized, anti-steroid-ed, Holy Water Blessed, Kosher, McNuggets.” “But that’s a…” responded the Hamburglar, beginning to get angry, “A SPECIAL ORDER!” Suddenly, the Hamburglar physically hated Troop Leader Bob. “So…excuuuuuse us.” Troop Leader Bob, said as he walked up to the counter. “Ahh…you must be Mr. Bob….we have your special order right here. No waiting three hours or anything, it’s all right here!” announced the women at the counter. “NO WAITING!?” thought the Hunter to himself. “And hey, you know what? Just because you’re boy scouts, here is a 70 Discount!” “DISCOUNT!?” yelled the Hunter. The Hunter now physically hated Troop Leader Bob. “Chao…” Troop Leader Bob, exclaimed, as he and the Boy Scouts walked out of the McDonald’s. Grumio noticed how none of the kids even attempted to jump out a window. Grumio now physically hated Troop Leader Bob. Troop Leader Bob put all the kids in the Minivan, except for the nerd, which he tied to the roof. As he drove away, George Coloney shed one tear. Just one. “Man, I wish I had that car.” George Coloney now physically hated Troop Leader Bob. --Meanwhile with Charles and the G.L.I.V.E.N.-- “So why do you exactly hate, and even know about this so-called ‘Troop Leader Bob’?” Asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. “Well, it all started back in ’62…” --Flashback-- The year was 1962. Everyone was hippies. Everyone smoked pot for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and occasionally brunch; but we mostly had French toast. We all lived in gangs of shower-less hooligans, driving Volkswagen Beetles; soon to be named the un-safest-car known to humanity. But, there was a person against our way of life. His name was “The Man”. Little none to us, the man was actually Santa Claus, and he couldn’t care less about us. Anyways, there was an evil corporation of Communists rising up in power, to destroy the free-American life that we know today. By raising the flag against democracy, by tying the three-point knot of dictatorship, and by helping the old ladies of the Taliban across the street they were slowly destroying the world as we know it. So, us hippies did everything we could against him. Unfortunately, the weed smoking slowed us down. And, nothing happened until the 1980’s, when we all got released from rehab, and George Coloney discontinued his porno flick career. --End of Flashback-- “WHY THE HELL DID YOU END MY FLASHBACK, G.L.I.V.E.N.?” yelled Charles “Did any of this actually happen? Are you sure you were a hippie? Did George Coloney actually do porn? Sure, everyone knows about the Boy Scouts Affiliation with people against Democracy, but are you sure that you didn’t just see Troop Leader Bob sitting on the same plane as us, when we were coming to Italy?” asked the G.L.I.V.E.N. skeptically. “If you knew who he was, then why did you get my hopes up?” asked Charles “I wanted to see if this story could go at least one whole page with out mentioning George Coloney.” --Meanwhile in The Dark Base-- Behind a dark painting in a dark room, laid a dark secret compartment. The Grimace used this dark, dark room as his secret collection of Overalls USA magazines. A guard approached him. He was laughing and “duh-ing” like a hyena. “Sir, what are you doing?” He asked “Oh, I’m just reading the End-Of-The-Year-Special of 1972’s Overall USA Magazine. These jokes really crack me up! DUH!” “Sir, I believe that those don’t have any jokes in them. I believe that it is just a shipping catalog.” “Duh, I’m pretty sure that this one has jokes in it.” The Grimace responded, as some drool darkly hung from his lips. “WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR OBESSION WITH OVERALLS!? YOU’RE A BIG PURPLE THING!! YOU DON’T WEAR CLOTHES! DO YOU EVEN OWN ONE PAIR OF OVERALLS!? YOU JUST COLLECT THOSE STUPID MAGAZINES! It’s REALLY gay.” Yelled the guard, angrily. “How DARE YOU!!” screamed the Grimace, who was beginning to cry all over the Y-2K Bug Overalls USA Magazine. Suddenly, a trap door opened, and the guard disappeared. Another guard, promptly came and took his place. “Is that covered by the Union?” asked the Guard. “WHAT DID YOU COME HERE TO TELL ME? I NEED SOME DARK TIME TO MYSELF!” yelled the Grimace, wiping drool and tears from his face “The Girl Scouts are after Troop Leader Bob. This could prove to be an issue.” “We will deal with that when the time comes,” responded the Grimace, opening the Limited Edition World War II Overalls USA Magazine. “Well, then I’ll convey that to the other dark soldiers.” The guard turned, and began to walk away. But, then stopped and turned around. “Oh. I almost forgot. The Hamburglar…is your brother, Grimace.” “WHAT!? Duh.” Yelled the Grimace “WHAT!?” yelled the Guard, that fell into the trap door, and was now burning in boiling oil “OH MY GOD!” yelled George Coloney, as he test drove the new 2007 Minivan model. “OH MY GOD!” yelled the Hamburglar, slapping his forehead. “What is it?” asked Grumio “You know how we have been waiting for about five hours to get those McNuggets?” “Yes…” said Grumio “I totally forgot to order them!” responded the Hamburglar “YOU DUMBASS!” yelled the Hunter To be continued in the next chapter.