Camp Kill Yourself Indeed.

Friskey™ · Jul 5, 2006

From the CKY Alliance website:

yes, the vermont show was a total disaster. and of course i've been condemned before anyone knows the reason. i walked offstage because i had no control over myself at that point. half a bottle of jack and a handful of anti-depressants didnt help much. i have tried unsuccesfully for years to quit these habits, but to no avail. the problem seems to be getting worse and worse... it wasnt because of a stage diver, equipment or roadies...it was going to happen regardless. in my life ive had about 15 of these black out episodes where i conjure up something thats been bothering me and get out of control to the point where i have no idea what im doing.
many of you think that being in a band for a living is non-stop luxury and amusement. but being in a narrow bus with 10 smelly dudes for months on end will make you go nuts. its an ongoing party day by day, but if you dont want to party its no fun. when you're doing this with your life, the words "party" and "relax" switch places. its hard to leave your family. you look forward to relaxing and you dread the party part. everyone wants to buy you a drink, get you high, etc. when everyone on the bus is smoking cigarettes and pot and drinking booze, its hard to just sit there and segregate yourself, especially when youre trying to quit those things. to make matters worse, we play at bars!!! and then when we're done playing that bar, we go across the street to a different bar!!! there is booze everywhere. none of you do this so none of you know what its really like to do a band full-time.. touring is very very difficult. its repetitive, its dirty...your clothes are dirty, you get rashes and warts, pneumonia, bronchitis, you cant always shower or sleep and it gets to feeling like 50 rats in a small cage. the show is only 2% of the day!!! that is why so many musicians are either addicts, or dead!
im not making excuses, i dont think there is one and i dont think i need one. this is MY problem. i am sorry that some of you drove a long way and were dissapointed, but that was your decision, not mine. and everyone should know that for any live event, anything can go wrong, and... travelling that far is really under your own risk. the VT show was absolutely the last straw for me in terms of carrying on like this. things will have to change a bit for me to keep moving forward. im using the month of july to check into a detox program, going on vacation, and writing new material. i dont know what will happen, but my plans are to do all the tours we have coming up and carry through with all plans. what im saying is that i havent quit. but this is not all completely my fault. yes im an alcoholic but i do have a few personal frustrations about this band currently. a good friend of mine always tells me that my points are always valid, but i use the worst behavior to get them across. i agree. we definitely owe VT a 2 hour show soon. and what happened that night will never happen again. some of you are worried about your lost $20 and gas money, but im worried about my life! to everyone that gave me the benefit of the doubt: i appreciate it and it was very mature and considerate of you...to everyone that said the usual, "they suck now and i've lost respect for them" thats fine. i dont know what music has to do with that, but its fine.
hope to see you soon
deron
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Ouch. Hopefully he gets well soon. CKY is one of the greatest bands out there today.

Evil Angel · Jul 5, 2006

i love CKY too.get well soon

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Camp Kill Yourself Indeed.

Friskey™ LPA Super Member LPA Addict

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Camp Kill Yourself Indeed.

Friskey™ LPA Super Member LPA Addict

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