WORST.REVIEW.EVER.

i sincerly hope this hasn't already been put up here, 'cause that would be beyond humiliating, but this review has been posted up on FM, FMM & LPU boards. it's very likely the worst review i've ever read. it's from www.byroncrawford.com


Fort Minor - The Rising Tied: Album Review



Fort Minor, The Rising Tied (Wonder Bros, 2005)

Fort Minor is the nom de rap of Mike Shinoda, the part-Asian rappin' fellow from Linkin Park - you know, the one that goes, "caught in the undertow, I'm just caught in the undertow." This, his debut album as a solo rapper, was executive produced by Jay-Z, the alleged President of Def Jam Records.



INTRODUCTION



Because what would an album be without an intro? Features Jay-Z.



REMEMBER THE NAME



Very Styles of Beyond. In fact, seemingly every other song on here, this one included, features one or both of the members of that group. (There's two of them right?)



RIGHT NOW



Come to think of it, this might be a nice payday for them, their first in a long time. I seem to recall they were signed to a major label when they put out whatever it was they put out back in '99-2000.



Anyhoo, this song, featuring Black Thought and, you guessed it, Styles of Beyond is pretty dang good. Mike Shinoda Fort Minor is like Slug if he wrote songs worth listening to and rapped over good beats.



PETRIFIED



Petrified, meaning hardened. Nullus. I believe this is the one you can hear playing in the commercials on MTV.



FEEL LIKE HOME


Featuring no one's favorite rap group, Styles of Beyond. There's some nice scratching in the background and the beat's got that nice Dr. Dre 2001-style thump to it.



WHERE'D YOU GO



Wow, yeah, this might not have been the best of ideas. It calls to mind when groups like Good Charlotte try to make that one serious song, about suicide or some shit.



IN STEREO



Not at all related to The Cars' "Moving in Stereo," sadly. Mikey S put out a mixtape recently with Green Lantern or somebody that had lots of cool rock samples on it. I was hoping there would be more of them on here.



BACK HOME



Ooh, Common's on this one. Will he rap about how he finds rasta's who date white girls disappointing? Nah, his verse on this reminds me of "The Corner," which I didn't particularly care for. At least there's no screaming elderly black men on this.



CIGARETTES



In the kind of metaphor you'd only ever find on an indie rap album, Mikey S compares rap music to a cigarette.



BELIEVE ME



I'm feeling the beat here. Nullus. It's kinda fast and early '90s-sounding. Not as sold on the singing (who the eff is BoBo?), but whatever.



GET ME GONE


God no, a song about how tough it is being in Linkin Park. Skip!



HIGH ROAD



Kanye West's BF John Legend is on this. Nullus. I'm feeling the bass thud and the "Chopsticks"-style piano.



KENJI



About how the Japs were locked in internment camps in WWII (seriously). Michelle Malkin once wrote a book defending this action. I'm hoping someone will lock her up, preferably in my bedroom.



RED TO BLACK


I suppose it was only a matter of time before he tried to rock the Linkin Park formula. If I was the President of Def Jam, I would have advised otherwise.



THE BATTLE



Thirty-two seconds of indie rap genius Celph Titled battling someone.



SLIP OUT THE BACK



A story about something or other. The beat sounds like what Eminem would do if he knew what he was doing.



COMMENTS: Not bad. Mikey S ain't the greatest rapper in the world, but he's probably better than you'd expect. I did find it odd though that a) Jay-Z didn't drop a verse on the whole thing and b) Styles of Beyond (terribly lame, nondescript rappers) show up on 6 of the album's 14 songs.



BEST TRACKS: "Right Now" "Petrified" "High Road"

as you can all see - only 2 lines on even the best of songs! (i really hope this hasn't already been posted.)

 

actually i doubt he listened to it; he doesn't even know who green lantern is, probably. if anything, it's very probable he got the information regarding a mixtape off somebody else.

(i think the "back home" one is seriously mean.)

 

Duh, that's why its called a review. It's one man's opinion. Quit your whining and move on, the world will not end because something that's remotley related to Linkin Park got a bad review from someone.

 

Not really, he's agreeing with Mike. He's saying that Michelle Malkin wrote a book in support of what happened during World War II & should be locked up for it. The only thing wrong with the statement is his shitty attempt at humor.