Poison Often Strikes Twice

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by a life in ashes, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. #1
    a life in ashes

    a life in ashes mercury summer

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    Poison Often Strikes Twice

    Guess my face is not the first to break,
    The heart beats on and on,
    My breath is sharp just like your knife,
    These eyes have seen too much,
    Your words are misery,
    So I just keep on staring,

    Did we forget to wake up,
    The dreams are a reflection of life,
    Poison often strikes twice,

    Stop screaming and don't breathe,
    My life only has one more scene,

    The lies between your lips,
    I'm standing on my heart,
    Choke once, choke twice,
    Your waves have drowned me now.


    a bit shorter than usual, but reviews would be appreciated...
     
  2. #2
    Methybrea

    Methybrea Well-Known Member

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    A vivid short poem, I like it.

    Although I think the one line would be better if you said:
    "The lies between your lips,
    'Are' standing on my heart"

    I thought that would have been cool! Good job!
     
  3. #3
    a life in ashes

    a life in ashes mercury summer

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    good idea, will change it...
     
  4. #4
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    i admire poetry with no story line. something that comes from the heart. something that strikes the reader. and this is one of those.
    the lines just seemed to end abruptly, but otherwise, it's great!
     

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