I know this isn't that great and I appreciate your feedback. Here it is: http://esaul17.sitesled.com/Just%20Friends.htm Edit: My site went down. Here is the poem. Just Friends We are just friends I barely know you So pathetic What could I show you? You see me And I see you You see a friend Words far to true If I’m even that Sometimes I don’t know I barely see you Goodbye before hello I hate this love I hate this hate I hate it all It’s so opaque What’s wrong with me? What’s right with you? A love hate tragedy Through and through I love a friend Can’t befriend that love I love to hate But hate’s not enough I sit alone Forcibly happy Invading thoughts Painfully sappy Love and hate They’re both the same Both require effort Both reward pain Rise above emotions Above lust, above fear Gracefully ascend Above all I hold dear Sounds so simple It’s so tragic A lost soul The hopeless romantic You’re a good friend Maybe less, never more Not even a close friend But impossible to ignore You're impossible to ignore. Just impossible to ignore. You're impossible to ignore. I'd love to ignore you.
its okays but i gotta say that it could use a bit of creativity... anyone can find a rhyming word and a certain rhythm and put together something that looks like a poem or song.. but if you want to make something of it you need to be able to bend the literal meaning of your words... give your reader something to look into, create a style for yourself so your work can clearly be identified over all the half-asked angst writing that you see everywhere.. in the context of a song i say it fits in.. but in the terms of poetry.. its very weak my fav lines "What’s wrong with me? What’s right with you? A love hate tragedy Through and through" keep it up
its good, but at times the words are so direct that it hits you on the face and it doesnt really give us the actual picture of what you're trying to portray. But there are some lines that i really liked and some lines were awesome too. on 10 i would give it a......................umm lets see..................a 7