If I had the chance. Drop on your knees cry disturbing pleas. I don't listen to you 'cause I have a proper mission. To destroy every possible way and kill everyone. Media puts across we do this for fun. [I wanna kill you but I can do better. Family address? A bomb in a letter? Lie on the floor-Bullet up your anus. Don't scream you twat-You ignoramus.] The repeat Know one understands what I go through. Hating my country- death caused by you. Everything you say is a lie you're so dispicable. This is whats caused by men who are political. Pockets packed with my blood and your face. This is the crap called the human race. The twats are supposed to be better than we are. Stand up with me and revolt-show them who we are. [] The repeat. They won't understand 'til a pistols in their sight. I hope they cry and say "Sorry, alright?" Then I can say NO and scream in their presence. You killed all these men and THEN ask for penance? [] The repeat. I had a massive chunk of block, and I hope this pulled me out of it. I hope you like it.
"Better be ridiculous, how sick is this?" That is what I feel this is. Man I'm loving this B) Oh and check out the FM boards, I gave you props there to.
Drop on your knees cry disturbing pleas. missing a word or punctuation I don't listen to you 'cause I have a proper mission. To destroy every possible way and kill everyone. every possible way of what? Media puts across we do this for fun. [I wanna kill you but I can do better. Family address? A bomb in a letter? Lie on the floor-Bullet up your anus. made me laugh Don't scream you twat-You ignoramus.] The repeat right Know one understands what I go through. Hating my country- death caused by you. Everything you say is a lie you're so dispicable. grammar helps flow This is whats caused by men who are political. Pockets packed with my blood and your face. dont follow This is the crap called the human race. The twats are supposed to be better than we are. Stand up with me and revolt-show them who we are. [] The repeat. They won't understand 'til a pistols in their sight. I hope they cry and say "Sorry, alright?" Then I can say NO and scream in their presence. You killed all these men and THEN ask for penance? these needa be put in quotation marks... if not then change the word "they" to "you" from the second line [] The repeat. to be honest.. it wasnt a great read.. i think your emotion to the subject had blurred whatever you were trying to create here.. your message is blatantly obvious but as a piece of writting.. its really bad.. no one is going to take you serious if you rhyme anus with ignoramus subtle or dramatic imagery without the use of cussing can go a long way..
Every possible way to destroy. It actually says it. I am not here to be taken seriously. And you are trying to say..... I curse? Well, no swearing in there. OR I did crap? I don't follow you. If you have read alot of my other writes,you might have noticed that not a whole lot of it makes sense. Not everything I write is supposed to, I write for the sounds. I don't write for people to look for the 'deeper meaning' shit which I feel is ridiculous. What I meant to say,is there. So, my emotion did not 'blur' what I was trying to create. I wrote what I created down. You also might have noticed that I said I have been through a chunk of block, this is completely forced to try and get me out of it.
I found this as good. The spelling mistakes didn't bother me, because I know you allways make them Plus, I read it how it was and undrstood it.
alrights.. where im from cussing just doesnt mean swearing.. but usually any vulgar or derogatory words/remarks.. calling someone a twat for instance i havent read your other work but when i said that i didnt follow.. i was saying i didnt understand what you meant by that line, like, what underlying sentance was i (the reader) supposed to extract from that? Writting something for the sound of it is half the job.. if you can find a way to fit it into context, then it wouldnt matter how abstract it is or how much it doesnt make sense literally. ok so your emotion didnt blur anything.. thats good.. however, you did say you were in a block.. so you must agree that most of this is forced.. that alone can affect whats intended... writting to create deeper meaning isnt ridiculous.. its hard and very challenging.. if you have a link to your writting that is more than just a hobby then i dont see how you can not want to grow.. how to be totally lost in a page and to constantly try and beat the last thing you wrote or change a line so its perfect.. Its obvious that you want to grow otherwise why else would you submit this for us to read and comment on? This isnt aimed directly at you.. but anyone can rhyme and write angst, its how you do it that defines you i know you're defending your work (you have every right).. but dont take my critique as offence
Deeper meaning IS stupid, describe one thing and mean another,why? It's not that i took offence, but i dont think you understand what my writing is all about. My writing,is similar to operas,the words arnt that great ,but its the sound that makes and opera worth watching. All forced=altered meaning,yeh i take your point there.
saying one thing and mean another is a poetic technique that draws the reader away from looking at everything through literal eyes... to say its stupid as a fact is rather ignorant in your part.. if you are questioning why someone would write a piece with an underlying message.. why not question why you would write something just because it sounds good? if you can meet in the middle and write something that makes one think while keeping within the bounds of telling a story/message that's intended... it will give you the best of both worlds and you can hear and watch your opera .. heres something i wrote a while ago with great focus on deep meaning and messages.. please take the time to read it and then tell me if its stupid "The Carousel boasts the routine of her pain, while blood spills whenever she gapes her mouth. The skin catches in her scraping hangnails as she stands hiding her acts in the familiar shelter of crowding peers. Whoever dared say that the child had a future was dragging the truth to a bitter darkness. A darkness impaled only by a keyhole, the focused beam of light that showed the agony when young Adora lifted her casing like a falling sleeve. Relaxed among the masses, but behind a frail smile the child lived a monotonous life full of angst and forgotten promises. Cradling her lonely heart to sleep with calm promises and intangible arms. Fifteen springs of pragmatic realism. Eleven plagued with the drunkard grinning in pain as he pushes his climax to a bitter consciousness deep within her soul. The shadow only leant against the numb, overwhelmed with familiarity. Called the 'beloved' every day, a bitter irony.. Daylight. The overpowering image still haunts everytime she sees the darkness. The shadows depicting his figure in every peripheral angle. Still, she's relaxed among the masses. With the sun burning from the sky, sunlight seemed to hold the only chance to sigh away her pain from the night before. For no one even glanced at her long enough to notice her clothes stretching. No one cared to question the matter as she bends over the school toilet spilling her nausea. no one seemed to care no one seemed to notice she bore his child" no line or word was written because it sounded good, it meant something to the story.. everything was pieced together through alot of thought. All im saying is that everyline you write should have an individual purpose and a meaning, whether it be obvious or hidden.. that line i commented on doesnt make sense.. but it didnt need to, it just had to have relevance, which it didnt
Well for me, that is one of the most pointless things I have ever read. What does it mean? Whats the point in it? Nice choice of language and all that, but for me it is crap. I am not saying it is crap,but to read it, well,I just don't see the point. It meant nothing, I couldn't see anything in it. This is what I get from 'deeper meanings'. Nothing. I am not trying to insult you for bashing my writing, I understand that people will not like it, and im cool with it. But it is stupid.
saunderitos you're reminding me of me, a while back. It's fun and great to just put things together to sound good, but a deeper meaning is like life. You're always looking for a deeper meaning in it. You can still write how you do now, but I suggest that you at least try and do some writings that have a deeper meaning. I enjoy always reading your work and I'm looking towards to saunderitosRap ThreadIII. Tremulant you seem like a very knowledgeable person so comment t on my writing please. saunderitos no wonder I haven’t seen recent stuff from you, because you had a writers block. Did the rap battle help you get out of it?
1)- Nah, like I have said earlier, deeper meaning isnt my thing. 2)- I would have battled more but this block has really slapped me in the face.