Broken Once again I step inside, Myself I claim to go from here, Just until the end of time, This noose around my neck, Here I draw the line, Let me go tonight, Let me leave your sight, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains, Broken dies my heart, Never again I cry tonight, But I still can't control my shakes, The reflection changes again, I wish you didn't hurt, But it's still killing me, Cold inside your kiss, Cold because of this, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains , Broken dies my heart, Thorns amongst the crown, Words that cut me down, Salvation that we need, On my own I bleed, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains , Broken dies my heart, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains, My world died tonight. thoughts please....
Once again I step inside, Myself I claim to go from here, Just until the end of time, This noose around my neck, Here I draw the line, good intro Let me go tonight, Let me leave your sight, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains, huh? Broken dies my heart, this line doesnt make sense Never again I cry tonight, you need to change the wording of this line But I still can't control my shakes, The reflection changes again, what relfection, if you changed"the" to my, it'll make sense I wish you didn't hurt, But it's still killing me, Cold inside your kiss, Cold because of this,not bad Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains , Broken dies my heart, Thorns amongst the crown, replace "the" with "this" Words that cut me down, what about them? Salvation that we need, On my own I bleed, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains , Broken dies my heart, Broken on the inside, Broken from the outside, Broken your touch remains, My world died tonight. powerful ending overall it isnt bad.. but not too great.. you can kinda get lost in the wording if you try and look deep into the words.. with writing, you have to try and make something that seems atleast understandable at first (which you did) and then try to create intricate messages if any reader were to read your words carefully
i love the beginning and the ending and i kind of agree with tremulant you do get a bit lost in between, but i suppose u could work on that and produce a masterpiece.
looks good, sounds good, great job man i especially love this line : "Cold inside your kiss, Cold because of this,"