I tried so hard

I tried so hard

Running my finger and drawn the line
Through the rust-rust ,dust, dirt and grime
With a friends body- On my shoulder
You are the brain and I am the soldier

[And I tried so hard
To make you see
I’m lined on the yard
Gun pointing at my body] Chorus

Make a hole in my head
‘Cause of what I said
I am just a man
I do what I can(all last words are elongated by screaming them)

[] Chorus

(Damage me
Heal me
Abuse me) Bridge

‘Cause I tried so hard
To make you see
I’m lined on the yard
Gun pointing at my body

 

impressive for a short poem...but i'm damned sure you can do much better than this. you are an amazing poet.

 

many thanks freak

i like you

 

Good stuff.

 

thanks

anyone else?

 

I must say i think you can do better than this, it lacked originality and didn't really draw me into it at all. I know you can do better, just keep writing.

 

exacly the same as in 'in the end'.. just the same melody.. i think..

 

exacly the same as in 'in the end'.. just the same melody.. i think.. [/b][/quote]
lol, i can see the exct same melody being applied to that lol. i wonder if it was intentional.

 

it's pretty hard to come up with original lyrics when you have a song in your head..

 

no what you talkin' about,all my stuff is original unless its intended to redo an already mighty song,which this is not

 

well.. the title of i tried so hard says a lot.. and the rythem is just the same..
look:
I tried so hard
I tried so hard

To make you see
and got so far

lined on the yard
but in the end

gun pointing at my body
it doesn't ev-en matter

 

nah,i don't see it.
a 4 word line is common for me

 

i didn't say i didn't like your lyric.. i just say it really sounds like in the end

 

i know what you're saying,but just cause one line from mine is the same,doesn't mean the songs similar

 

try to sing with in the end with the chorus of your song.. you'll see it fits

 

yes, i'll agree that it does.but you could make lots of verses and choruses do that

 

i know.. and my next lyric is gonna sound a bit like the pet-remix from a perfect circle..

 

Don't do the hate. If he did not realize his rythem was the same, who cares?

The poem was nice, now move on.

 

thanks hesh

 

OH what is the world coming to....
Just because a famous band uses some four words (ive tried so hard) doesnt mean the rest of the world is to be condemd if we use them....
Lets just let him/her be...