Coming here with something new Making rhymes straight out of the blue Trying to create something that will grab you I don’t know what else I could do Here in my mind I am getting a clue It’s all coming to me now I am getting ideas that will give me the crown Watch out I got these knights that will dethrone you So think about it once I am giving the one, two punch I am giving you a chance to just step down You better hurry up before you get clowned This my thrown bitch You’re getting drowned in an army of fists I am counting on my fingers now getting bored 1,2,3,4 my flow is getting better you know Listen to me, you owe me,if you don’t giveshit you can blow me Give me the decent courtesy, pack your shit for Wyoming
nice,the flow gets intteruprted sometimes you might wanna add some syllabels here and there,maybe remove some aswell ^^
I am currently working on it. I keep looking at it and changing things in and out to get it to work perfectly.
lol my version Coming in here with something thats new Making my rhymes straight out o' the blue I make something that grabs you I don’t know what else that I could do Here in my mind I am getting a clue Ideas flow from the mind to the pen Get my ideas ,give me my crown Watch out I got these knights that will dethrone you [So think it through] Giving you the one punch, two punch,three punch Giving you reason to flee or to step down You better hurry up before you get clowned See this?This my thrown bitch You getting drowned in an army of 10000 fists I'm counting on my fingers and i'm gettin' bored now 1,2,3,4 flow is getting better now Listen , you owe me, don’t give a shit ,blow me Give me the decent courtesy, pack your shit for Wyoming thats the best i could do keeping it your work
Reminds me of some of my earlier work.Keep on working on this and it could become quit good however I'm not seeing anything special here,sorry.
rappish....very rappish...perhaps it's the rhyming that makes me feel that way, but the flow may just come in if you actually make a song of it. try that too.
I don't mind swearing in a poem, but in this it was very unessecary. First of all, i found the rhymes to be a bit too much. They weren't constant, and in that way furined the flow but also so many words were out of place because you've put them in their for the sake of a rhyme. They rhythm was a bit disjointed, but overall it wasn't too bad. I have to agree that i don't think this poem is brilliant, but for a a writer just starting out, it's not bad. You just got to keep writing and getting better. Just stick to it.