My last post had me confused and un amused. I was kind of let down and not proud of what I had posted. Now I hope this one is worth it. Look around, and look inside; all you’ll see is crazy times Joke around, I’ll turn around, and watch you’ll get dropped to the ground I got jokes, I am not broke; I am working my way up to the top while drinking pop I am going to rock, just for the props, I am backing it up only to get caught I fought too many times (we fought too much); you must think I am committed to doing crimes (This isn’t suicide) Well you’re blind, now take off that fold, my words are getting stuck in the bold Your mind is feeling old and stuck in the mold; Do I must say I told you so? (too much drinks it all gets fuzzy buddy) This great news, your face is turning blue, hey look what that crazy kid drew I sit back sipping on Mountain Dew, wondering what ever happened to you, now I know I should be drinking Pepsi fool (your getting a clue) But don’t worry, I am in no hurry, I am just kicking it with my crew (Krew) Did I spell it with a k? It must be getting too late Wait Look, I spilled soda on my shirt, now I am getting dirty girly What did I do? Is it what you knew? I know we have are problems too, but don’t sue There’s only enough money for my dog’s flue I am feeling pretty crazy, and speaking kind lazy, I don’t want you crying out loudly baby Just step out, I am ready for our bout, cause I know what happens when you pout You shout “stop it honey,” I say you’re not my sunny bunny It’s funny, how we connect; I drop back on the couch and regress (You protest) Are you ********, I didn’t start it, and it was you who went coo-coo when we parted Who farted? It must have been me drinking old milk from the drinking carton Shut up, my show is on; my homie Cartman is singing a song Yeah its thong song, it’s got me feeling pretty long (Thong, thong, thong thong thong) Hey, lets remix; I am getting kicks, using the joystick, I am no prick, you’re just a dick “Hello,” good by, I am wasting my time playing the Halo, when was kid I must of ate Plato Ok let’s end this time, my faith is getting testified
i don't really like it.. the song is about nothing i think.. i like more serious lyrics.. some lines are good though..
I had so much fun with this one. The other rap I tried was just...wack, so I tried something else. Thanks for the reviews. I want more though
OK, I don't want to come across as really harsh but here is what i think. I've got nothing against long poems, but this get's, hmmm i'm sorry i can't say it nicer but boring. The poem is about nothing and drags on way too much. Again the rhymes often feel forced and the rhythm isn't great, again i must say it isn't great but in certain aspects you have improved from the last poem.
It's constructive critacism, if you want to be good, you have to take it on the chin, and try to improve yourself.
Oh well, I will try again. Oh, and yes it does feel like a slap in the face. I do understand that other people will have different opinions, he gave his, and I like that he did. This will make me work at it harder, and there is no shame in it. Thanks. B)