This is part of a concept album I'm writing about a man named Seamus who wears a chicken suit. Neighboring States Couldn't change our minds Without crossing the state lines Your goals were so high They were skyscrapers to mine You had so much to take I took the fire escape But now that I'm gone I don't know how to stay away You could say that our love was like neighboring states We had fault lines and stop signs and well hidden hate And all answers to problems were always the same If you can't tell a lie you'll have nothing to say Couldn't tell the time Cause I'm braindead to timelines And all goals were a mess Couldn't stay in the outlines You were so far ahead And I just stayed in bed Now I can't see past The halo on your head You could say that our love was like neighboring states We had everything planned but you just couldn't wait And I know that I tried but I couldn't relate So what with your problems, why am I to blame? End Remember: I like constructive critisizm.
"Couldn't change our minds Without crossing the state lines" If you take out "the" in the second line it will flow nice. I loved the rest of it, that one letter just wouldn't sit straight in my mind, because I am ahead of time. B)
If I take out that word, it wont fit in the vocal melody. Thanks for the advice, though. And thanks soo much for reading!