The watcher As I stand at the top of the stairs I look down to see your face You were the one who caused all that grief and in me all I felt was disgrace You are not sure that I am watching you; you turn around and see me stare Standing looking up at me, I suddenly become very aware That watching you, I am looking deep into the window of my past Watching the long-ago events run by; those times, how long did it last? Forever, it all seemed those long ago days when you always pulled at my hair All the laughter and abuse you inflicted on me made me feel naked and bare Back to reality I now become, looking down upon you once again And seeing that you are not a monster but just like me, only human I need to forget the past and get on with my life without this bitterness Cause if I don’t, my life and my head will always and forever be a mess
i loved the second stanza...the theme of the poem flowed very well, but you could use extremely selective and vague words to give your poem some extra recognition....keep it up otherwise!!!
Really good overall, i felt the end of the 1st and 2nd stanzas lost their flow a bit but other than that it's quite good, not your best, but still very good.
sorry i haven't replied earlier but i haven't had that much time to go online! but thanks all you guys for the comments. i wasn't totally happy about this one and the subject matter may be best told in the form of a short story/prose. i couldn't get half of what i wanted to say in poem form. but i tried... if i do manage to rework it into a story form (and if it isn't too long!) i may post that up. but thanks again guys for the positive and honest feedback!
Good job fallenangel. I like it quite a bit, I think it might be runner-up for your longest so far too.
REALLY! :embarassed: that's so damm sweet! i am working on some more stuff. stay tuned! arT saveS thank you too. really glad you liked it! i didn't think it was that great, as i said before and i still may rework it or write a short story form. we'll see...