You dream of sunshine and moonlight No clouds to block your childish view of life In your dreams there is magic You don't live with us any more Your own little world Beautifully crafted Made just for you Magical World People around you Nod and smile indulgently 'Gone with the faeries,' they say And half of that is true You're so far into your Magical World You do not see us beneath you Any more I see you in my dreams Sometimes Surrounded by butterflies In a beautiful white gown Usually stormy grey eyes Unnaturally clear You do not try to return Others do not try to bring you back You have never harbored hate Towards those cruel, shallow souls That torment you with every breath You need not wait for the sun to set To wander back to your Magical World You do not believe in lying You know that the only way is the truth You have no need for rushing Do everything at your own sweet pace In you dreams there is magic You don't live with us any more Your own little world Beautifully crafted Made just for you Magical World Fills the gap in your soul I know this one wasn't too good. But I couldn't think of any ways to change it for the better. For those of you that bothered to read this post, can you please, please suggest how to make this better, or how to make future poems better? Thanks for troubling, Ciao M
i really liked the concept of this one! as for making sugestions about future poems? no can do! they have to come from you and only you. poetry should be an extention of yourself and only you can do this. if you like it, then thats whats it all about and as long a you feel that you are getting across what you want to say, then that's what makes a great poem. keep writing and most off all, enjoy it!
Different to how you usually write but i still liked it. I can't see much you can do to make it better either, just accept that it is not one of your best and move on, that's my opinion. We can't always outdo ourselves, if we did, we would all become the best poets in the world. Good job, can't wait to read more.
Thanks all. True, fallenangel, I'd forgotten that. Oops. Thanks d a v i d, truer words were never spoken. Well they were now. So nevermind. Thanks all for replying.