a song i wrote (again for my band) not my best work,but i thought i'd share it constructive criticism welcomed Distort my voice[slow] Make it noise Dont listen to what we say[speed up] You know better anyway [chorus]Put-Your-Trust-In-Lies-And-Sci-ence [Yes]-We-Are-The-Last-De-fiance Kill the guy whos a liability Cover it up with your lie-ability Dont you listen to what we say We dont matter anyway [chorus] Smash us with your ironfist(Listen) In your body well be a cyst(system) Well poison you until you die until that point,no-one is fine [chorus twice-screamed second time] You SUCK!!!!!
i like where you are going with this but i believe it could do with some more work. maybe some more in the chorus? i believe if this is worked on more, it would be really good. there is some definit potential there! if you do decide to work on it more, please post it! i want to see it in all it's glory! it's good work!
I also liked where you were going with this and definitely agree that you need to have a longer chorus, i believe with a bit of work this could br onr og your best pieces yet.
thanks guys,i was gonna leave it but seen as you said with more work it would be better,ill make it better