Crouching Figure A crouching figure, at the end of the room, Flooded in blue light, it reminds me of its doom. A posture uncomfortable, a mind disturbed, All dressed in depression, it doesn’t seem absurd. The crouching figure feels me there, It doesn’t look up, it has no care, It senses pain but never wants to scream out, It feels me there, but never fears nor shouts. It follows my action by the mind, Tries to catch up to thoughts, never left behind. A figure so hurt and down right low, Yet it chooses me alone to follow. A breaking back and a broken heart, Never seems to leave, or come apart. It’s stitched to me in the glow of light, It flees to somewhere in the Darkness at night. And now I stare at the crouching figure there, Once again, it notices me, but never stares. A blank flat patch of plain despair, It is my shadow feels no care. a first draft, gonna work on it more...just needs suggestions, please!
like linkinpark_ben25 sais it need one more verse or so but it's like the best one i've read so far on this forum
*bigclaps* this is really good! great concept... and well, i just love it! i don't think it needs too much work, maybe an odd sentence here and there. but don't tamper it too much, cause i love it as it is! fab work!
Great work, i really like the form of it, different from the four line verses you were doing before, i like the concept but i think you could work in that it is your shaddow better. other than that fantastic work, i love it