ok, here is something new. I would really like some feedback on it. It got a bit long but i still hope you all read it. Hope you all enjoy it. Venemous Cold An Earth so cold, It freezes me, Chills me right down to the bone, So I can’t feel, I cool wind passes by, Numbing the skin, But making me hurt within, And making the lights go dim. Try to gain some heat, From the warmth of the sun, But look up to see a cloud, Consuming the sun, Consuming out of pure need, For this cloud was created by greed and hate, It chokes the light, Representing our fate. A destiny, So cold it’s hard to imagine, Where the ice freezes over, The heart of every man, And everywhere you look, People full of hurt and pain, And dark thoughts so intense, They’d make you go insane, And I try to run away, Try and escape from the icy winds, That plagues me with temptation, And makes my desires break from within, For this cold created from greed, Turns people hearts cold, And it reeks of ill doings, But has an unescapable hold So I try to hide away, Deep within myself, And relish in the warmth, An escape from this frozen hell, A statue on the outside, A sanctuary within, I’ve found some warmth for now, But the future seems so grim. And as I hide, So deep within, I slowly feel the cold, Start to penetrate my skin, Seeping in like venom, With no respect for flesh and bone, Eating away at me, Getting closer to my soul. And as the cold reaches my heart, I feel my blood turn to liquid ice, And I loose my body, To the cold and the night, But within me, I still put up a fight, And the blizzard rages within, With incomprehensible might. And though I fight, The cold is too strong. So greatly embedded, With so much hate and wrong, Too many people, Feed its might, Giving it the power, To destroy my life. To drain the warmth, Right from my breath, Become cold and hard, Yet I’m still not dead, To become what I, Tried to take down, To feed it, nourish it, Just a statue on this hard ground. Hate and greed, Has left me only scared, My heart log ago shattered, And broken into a million parts, The blizzard has let me bare, Dead, lifeless, numb, I’m just another vessel, For a venemous cold which cannot be outrun.
wow! it was longer than most of your poems but you have managed to keep the focus of it. this is quite an intersting poem and it has a deeper level to it. i actually really like this one. not really sure what else to say but i think you have to read it a few times before you get the entire message that you are conveying and thats always a good sign of a great and well thought out poem. well done!
Thanks, i'm glad you both liked it. And to fallenangel: yes i did reed over this alot of times. I probly spent longer on this than any other poem. Though it is longer than most of my poems i'm glad i was able to keep the focus. Thanks.
Thanks. What was it you said on MSN, i believe it was something like this. :whistle: OK mabye not that exactly but i'm sure it was along those lines
Thanks. What was it you said on MSN, i believe it was something like this. :whistle: OK mabye not that exactly but i'm sure it was along those lines [/b][/quote] I'm not positive that's exactly what I said. But good job nonetheless.
*applause* that is absolutely fantastic! a master-piece! it was very intense yet i could feel the song sail in my mind...that was a hell of a soothing feel... great job, David!