experiment cut so deep till i bleed what the heck slit the neck dead... i know this is really short and probably terrible but i may extent it or abandon it...
extend it, that would make a really good chorus, if you extended it and put in 2 or 3 verses it could be really good.
what the heck!!! girl, don't you dare to abandon it!! i believe its really good and i agree totally with Silent Sound, you should add more to it and i believe this way you'll make it deeper and more meaningful. Its just my opinion though, cuz by reading all your stuff, i believe this would be more suitable. well, if you decide to work on it please let me know!!! way to go!!
ahh, thanks babes! yeah, i think i better start getting to work on it, sleep on it, getting those ideas flowing again!
jey I was really surprised to see such a small poem,but more surpised that you have put so much in just a few lines,its amazing(though I know you have immense talent),the peom really is as you said like an experiment,so keep experimenting like this, am pretty sure that you have more to come,keep it up P.S: a small comment for a small poem :whistle:
thanks guys!!! i really didn't think i would get any feedback, let alone the amount i have had! so i am experimenting more with pieces here and there, so keep tuned! edit: so heres the full version. hope it's ok life is full of experiments, some more than others people experiment with emotions but i experiment with life between life and death there's only a small cloak of fabric this is so easly ripped apart, just like skin surrounding the veins that supports our life and this life blood is flowing throught the veil so i decide... to cut so deep until i bleed oh what the heck, slit the neck in the end dead...
OMG! girl, I knew you'd do it! A W E S O M E !!!! See? just take your time and let inspiration flow easily. If you put lots of stress into it, you won't do much. This is lots better! God, i kinda feel small beside you, cuz my poems kind of suck compared with yours lol keep on writing!! *prints fallenangel's poem to paste it on her closet* oh! and about the feedback amount: the SPARK brings luck
that is so damm sweet but so not true! your poems are fucking ace and don't let me see you state otherwise! i'm glad you all like it cause i wasn't sure cause it was a shorter piece but like i said, i like to experiment with new ideas and get those creative juices flowing! it certainly does, babe! thanks again! :hugz:
god, this one seems really old now! how the hell did you come across this one? i am really glad you like it though, and thank you for such kind comments!