the abyss the abyss that is gapping the wound that will not heal the river of tears that flows from the eyes the windows to the soul seem lifeless and cold when will it end the pain felt deep inside when the world ends or when the end comes to life the growth is painful crying out in vain to the angels of darkness seeping deep in your vains every word that is spoken that is ill willed cuts deep within all pain is felt too much to handle no more can be taken stop saying anything cause everything hurts each tiny thing amounts up more and more and it's aplified every word spoken pricks deep like a thorn oh angels, how far now to fall this state of depression here the pain call the whirling maddness thats felt deep inside sucks up all energy feeling of worthlessness is all consuming can't see the beauty all seems lost in the dark mist this life is crul to many the will is weak and it's dieing inside withering away to nothing falling down to the bed closing eyes, tears falling to the pillow going to sleep to never wake up seeing all that is black no light to be seen the abyss sucks all in and swallows all whole a large gapping whole thats ment to be filled with feelings of love, warmth is just large, dark and cold exhaustion is taken to the brink no more left to give it's all been used up the battle still rages on but the fear of losing is getting ever closer ok, i wrote this then i left it planning to rework it but i guess i am too close at the moment to be able to rework it. so all comments would be great. if you don't like it, or think it needs reworking, please let me know. thanks!
LOL, i don't think i can be much help. I don't know how i feel about it. I don't get a feeling of raw emotion but that is because you are not describing an emotion. you are describing the void and a void = nothing. there for when tryng to explain nothing there is nothing to explain. yet you have explained the nothingness in a way, usuing indirect metofores. So in the end it makes me feel all twiested inside. So if you were to fix this up i would just start from scratch, not because it is bad, but because of the way it is written at the moment cannot be changed by slight alterations. i don't know how i feel. as i said, it leaves me like i'm trying to work out how deep a void goes. So if people don't get what i just said The poem is very strange and does not envoke any strong emotions from me other than making my mind feel like void. i don't disslike it but... yer, i don't know So really i am no help at all. But on a lighter note it is veins not vains.
ha ha! i am an terrible speller, i wish there was spell checker on this! i actually don't really know how to feel about this one either, so your not alone. i guess i was in a pretty mixed up place when i wrote this. but never mind...