Wretched I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, There’s something inside me, It hides just beneath the surface, It’s calling, To leave now, And its name is you, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, Another day outside my soul, I’ve been hurt from within, It hurts how, You left me, Don’t play your games, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, I will run now, (It’s calling) I will run now, (It hurts how) Shut up now, Shut up now, Shut up now, Now, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched. thoughts please...
It's okay. As much as people could possibly relate to it, it's not the best break-up song. The Shut Up part is not really necessary even though it's anger is still relatable. Keep up the good work.
Ok. but it feels as if some parts are just stolen from linkin park songs. i mean the shut up part (one step closer) seems like crawling mixed with a bit of papercut.
oh yeah heh heh i only just noticed that it's similar to LP's stuff-it wasn't intended to be-i guess that great minds think alike lol. , It's more of a break up song for people who have been two timed or something like that, for those who are really pissed off with their ex-especially if their ex keeps giving them abuse, rather than those who are sad about the break up Edit:I fixed the lyrics see what you think now please... Wretched I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, There’s something killing me, Hidden just beneath the surface of my skin, It’s calling, To leave now, And its name is you, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, Another day outside my soul, I’ve been hurt from within my shell, It hurts how, You left me, Don’t play your games, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched, I will run now, (It’s calling) I can’t trust you, (It hurts how) You betrayed me, (It’s calling) Now you’re one of us, (It hurts how) I am the wretched, I will run now, I can’t trust you, You betrayed me, Now you’re one of us, I am the wretched.
better but still not fantastic. I just feel the lines are too short and there isn't enough rhythm. Keep writting though. It aint terrible either. Just not fantastic.