Ok this is my new poem. And there is nothing about the deivl (Sparkling diamond) and no repeating (in the shadows) this one felt different when writting. and is different to my other poems so i dont know what reaction i'll get, whether it is worse or better. It sort of starts off with short lines and then they gradually become longer. But this is what my mind vomitted as ahamLP puts it so here we go. and to in the shadows i hope you are not let down by the title again. So please go into this poem with a mind free of judgement. I’ve locked away, My heart so deep Somewhere I can Never reach, I just wanted to get away From all the hurt, To escape away, From this world. And if I ever wanted it back, I could never reach it, It is buried too deep, Underneath so many walls. Those walls are their, Because of you Because of all the suffering You put me through, I thought you were, My best friend When all you did, Was cause me pain, I put my trust in you, And you let me down again, I gave you one more chance, And you kicked me one more time. So now I’m on the run, From you and all the pain, To find something much better, Something to make it go away, But a feel the scars are everlasting, The memories will never fade, And no matter what I do, You will always be with me. Now I need my heart back, Why did I burry it so deep, Why did you turn me into a shell, That is completely empty, You made me burry my heart, And in turn it killed my soul, Now all I am, Is an empty hole. Is life worth living, If you cant feel a thing, If you become so numb, That you cannot move or think, What is life worth living for, If there is no chance to love, Look what your hate has done to me, It has made me a vessel for nothing, Now I think I’ll disappear, Become one with the wind, Become a forgotten memory, To all those I once held dear, Then I might find peace, But I’ll never be whole again, For I’m a shell, nothing more, For you killed what I need to live.
I just couldn't believe my eyes!!! this is absolutely an exquisit work. i love all your stuff, you just got that touch... lol well, this is very very very emotional (at least to me). i really loved the part when you said: Now I think I'll disappear, Become one with the wind, Become a forgotten memory, To all those I once held dear, Then I might find peace, But I'll never be whole again, For I'm a shell, nothing more, For you killed what I need to live. i kind of feel identified with this poem. You seem to swim on everybody's thoughts and feelings and let the emotions caress your hand as it swings the pen. awesome david, please never stop!
Thanks i really liked that verse to. I was just wondering how you felt the flow was in this poem. I'm glad you all so far like it.
Thanks guys, i really apriciate all your comments. Also there has been some new faces around HURRAY. Hope we see some new poets here soon
Wow,that's really really good. You have real talent. A lot of people can't even rhyme things. Very good job. Keep it up!
What do you mean. there isn't even that much rhyming in here. also rhyming isn't everything and isn't the most important part of a poem. Some of the best poems don't rhyme.
What do you mean. there isn't even that much rhyming in here. also rhyming isn't everything and isn't the most important part of a poem. Some of the best poems don't rhyme. [/b][/quote] I mean, that alot of people can't do things like that. I'm not saying that some of the best poems are the ones that rhyme. That makes no difference. It's the word order and how you can express yourself trough poems. And,that only some people can do that. Heh. xD
the flow was good, you didnt add useless stuff to your poem and you were aware of what you were doing. i never got lost or never found it difficult to understand it. this poem was GOOOOOOOOD. i really liked it.
the flow was good, you didnt add useless stuff to your poem and you were aware of what you were doing. i never got lost or never found it difficult to understand it. this poem was GOOOOOOOOD. i really liked it. [/b][/quote] Yer. I like my poems to have a strong meaning. and envoke a powerful reponse but i also want to keep them simple enough that anyone can uderstand them.
Yer. I like my poems to have a strong meaning. and envoke a powerful reponse but i also want to keep them simple enough that anyone can uderstand them. [/b][/quote] well, you've done it!!! one of the things i like about you is that you have that power of expressing a powerful feeling in simple words. or so it is for me. dont worr, you've done a very good job on your poems and i hope you keep going on. every day you just get better!!!