ok, here we are guys with my new work, im goin a bit more free form here, though there is some rhyming, hope you like it. Don't forget. don't be shy to post that you hate this. tell me why i don't care. all i want is to learn. There isnt even any repition in this one (in the shadows ) One Race, One Mind This world today, Is ruled by machines, Even the people seem, To have lost their humanity, Not allowing for emotions, Like pain, truth and love, Yet we’ve all been programmed To have hate in out metal hearts We may be one race, But each of us is different, At least that was once true, Because now it seems, We are slowly melding, Into one unit ruled by hate, One being that keeps, Repeating the same mistakes. We kill each other, Though we should be friends, We are jealous and deceitful, And we never forgive, Each day I see good, Being brought to its knees, I see the earth’s destruction, Becoming a reality. Every day a new war has begun, Not all on the earth’s surface, For the wars that are more important, Are inside the soul of every person. The battle to resist temptation To not let the devil control, But it is human nature, To given in and pay the toll. We all fight this war mindlessly, With the armies of the devil, Trying to destroy an enemy, That is really on our side, What sort of race wages, A war upon themselves, A war to kill our souls, To extinguish our last hopes. We humans think we’re strong, But in truth we are so blind For we cannot see the battle, That is fought on the inside, We cannot see we’re puppets, For the evil that’s always near, Always walking blindly, To a fate that we all share.
You know what, i may worship you man, awesome poem! great job (as always). Like I once said (i hope you remember), you have that sense of awareness. besides, you care about what's going on around you. You're not locked inside a bubble. Not tryin' to be rude, but honestly, you should take the devil out of your poems. I believe you've used this lots of times and it would be a good idea to come up with some fresh ideas. I have absolutely no doubt that you'll make it. you are really creative and I'll believe you'll succed as a writer if that's your dream. Very well done, I liked it a lot
Devil out of the poem shall be done, i could see it was becoming over used, it's just my poems always seem to lead to how the devil seems to control us. anyway i'll try to come up with something new. Dont know what, but ill try. AND NOOOO DEVIL.
Well, you know i wasn't trying to be rude. This was just my humble opinion. but like i said, you are VERY talented, and I'm pretty sure you'll come up with some fresh content. no doubt about it!!!!
please write something bad I want to criticise you ,but you never seem to give a chance for anybody to criticise you,about the poem its in one word awesome,I was wondering why didnt I write such a poem(I duuno if I would have written such a great poem),you are amazing,the thoughts expressed in the poem are very much similar to mine,coz I too hate(to a great extent) the human race and the deeds that they have done to nature and themselves,hope to read more(I want more :whistle: )
Thanks alot. all your posts make a great contibution to my confidence as a writer. I just want to say that we need more people to come and vist this section of a forum so i was wondering if anyone would put something in their sig to get people to come here. Thanks all of you
another new person, hey i was just wondering if it was my sig that made you come. or u just happened to come after i added the writers cove bit to my sig.
let me answer.. i've just noticed that i have read nothing from the topic called writer's cove this morning.. i had exams the last few weeks, so i couldn't stay long and read all the posts. now i'm sick and staying at home, so i have time to read your poems and stories..