Hitch hiking down the cold 101 I'd hate to see boring 'cause they say this is fun Ditched me out here in the middle of night All because of some stupid fight Well make me say sorry, 'cause I won't by myself My face is freezing, but it's hot as hell Am I drunk or going crazy or just paranoid? Like trying to get on a plane when the ticket's void Welcome to delirium I'm finished fighting with my mind Cancel my appointment 'Cause I give up, I'm mentally blind Hands are blue, eyes are red, the world is downside-up I'd like to entertain you more, but I've had enough Which way is it to paradise? Lights like a knife going through my eyes Electric to acoustic to nothing at all Whatever I do I just hope I fall Into a pit of pitch black without any sound 'Cause the second half of karma's coming around Welcome to delirium I'm finished fighting with my mind Cancel my appointment 'Cause I give up, I'm mentally blind Stepped out of the line Running out of time Like a child gone mad Only I don't know, I might be glad Welcome to delirium I'm finished fighting with my mind Cancel my appointment 'Cause I give up, I'm mentally blind You'd be crazy saying this is fun I'm finished walking down the 101 I put that whole thing together in about ten minutes, so I could have done better. If you're reading this, PLEASE REVIEW IT. Please...
Very nice. I like your writing style and the structure is nice. I think if you spend a bit more time with it and tweak it a bit more you could make it a bit better. Other than that I think it's great.