Ice plus salt plus hand equals ouch There’s a place where the white clouds rise like the yeast, In the oven sky of gold as the sun peaks from the east And the birds commence a sweet song of love and peace, In the solemn cemetery atop a tombstone that reads, “Here lies another brokenhearted deceased Killed while begging at the crime scene. ‘Forgive my foolishness,’ he did plead, And she replied, ‘it’s not meant to be,’ Sending a bullet through his heart at its seams Ignoring his guilty tears and agonizing screams, Watching him collapse onto the cold street, As bystanders pointed and gasped helplessly. But when the police arrived onto the murder scene, Two wounds were located the witnesses hadn’t seen. They never knew, holding her hand helping with the firing, Was the woman’s accomplice and new husband to be."
i loved the imagery, rhymes came easy here, flow is good, and it has a lightness, the unbearable lightness of being...... seriously, its got a spark in it i like, i like it a lot there is a song, think its 911 called by wyclef jean with mary j blige have you heard it? i didnt, but my ex sent me lyrics, its kind of paralel theme to yours.
Thanks so much both of you. I think this is one of the best things I've ever written and it didn't take me long to write. If I hear a song that really strikes me, I put it on repeat and write whatever comes out. In this case, the song was Crepuscolo Sul Mare - Piero Umiliani.