Untitled

Lay with me in a bed of razors
a bed of silken rays
cutting thru all this worthless
pretending to be of this dimention
I don't think you even have a clue
where I'm taking you

I'm standing in your shoes
I can see you every night
not happy with living with your lies
you say you wanna be
free from life
you should not have said

oh yeah, I do need a friend
but I don't think you understand
where I'll be leading you

I will never take you back
to what you've called home
i'll take you where you can't see
what you've seen
where you won't hear
what you've heard
and believed to be real

it was the last time
you have been a stranger
here we are now

I don't think you had a clue
when you asked me for
what's true

Time is now
for you to wake up
don't take your time
just hurry up
the choice was yours
very dangerous

I like it and I won't miss you
as I destroy who you were and more
I'm not gonna cry when you are gone
for all the days and for all I care
because I found death
and I still live
and you now know
what it means

Maybe somebody can come up with idea for title?pls

 

any comments please before it dissapears into the dump of the history?

 

I like the title: Resurrection in Your Farewell.

Hopefully I got the message right. It seems this person wants to stay in your life but you don't want them to be because they hurt you. You're trying to show them the wrongs they did and how much they killed you inside. Now that you've broken away, you're alive once again [hence the resurrection in my title idea]. Really good and no, this was not morbid at all. You want weird and twisted? Read my piece titled Piñata.

 

ha i didnt write it with that in my mind. something like that, sometimes i just sit in front of my pc at home, listen to some music and let my mind come up with the goods, it does, sometimes i dont even know what is gonna come out with. maybe its even what you said its about, i just didnt had it in purpose.i was also writing it as abstraction to having had near death experience and sometimes that sets your thinking as if you are somebody alive yet dead, and you wanna take somebody to that kind of mindframe. whatever. i like the name you came up with though. thanks for feedback. i did read your poem, yes you were right, mines no morbid compared to that one, my imagination is quite visual and , i had to cringe at times! but good aaaayyyyyyyyyyy!

 

Is that all you do: peer review people's pieces? How about constructive criticism? I'm not saying it's wrong but a little more than just editing suggestions would seem ethical.

 

thanks vampire, worthless was as worthless because it joings to pretending - worthless pretending...... yes i do make spelling mistakes, 'cos i type too fast and dont have much time to check. the pc in my home isnt pc that i use internet from. simply my pc at home is dumb, its just upgraded calculator and being a nomad i am not dropping another bill for internet as yet. so library it is and its limited. but i will try to spell my pieces right. yeah, constructive critisism as to the form would be approciated.....