Drunk Rape my senses from normal function In an air of passion two hand’s conjunction The focus of an out of focus life Reach towards my back and retract the knife You whisper some words You touch my hair Damn, you smell so good It fills the whole air I see your bright smile I taste your sensuous kiss “Damn,” I say softly, “This day will be missed” Plunged into a pool of arousal Drunk with pure love Numb when I close my eyes The kiss is all I think of Feel the warmth of your skin Piece my heart back within Intoxicate me with a kiss so strong, so wet It’ll kill me like Romeo’s Juliet A kiss to die for One I’ll never forget Your breath is a drug I’ll inhale ‘til my death In your arms I have the greatest view In your eyes Your love shines through Substances and emotions Formulate a proper potion That smooths us out like a lotion Covering us in love in the commotion Think of me today and tomorrow You’ve broken my spell of sorrow Please stay and say you’ll never let go of my hand I have a hangover from you and it’s real bad
the 'think of me today and tomorrow/you've broken my spell of sorrow' make me think that you work hard to make words rhyme, but if you try to construct it like that, sometimes you dont choose words too well, because the today thingie is kind of feels not natural, forced into ito to make a rhyme with sorrow and it doesnt sit well, feels to me like a cliche a bit. i think when you just write without wanting to make it like this or like that, if you just let the feeling you want to express to take hold of you, then it comes with rhymes naturally and the words come sitting good. thats what i can think of to say right now.
You're right though. I have my moments where I can't finish a piece and I end up writing some weird-cliche' piece of shit into my work just to make it rhyme with my original line. Scary how you noticed. I'll try to avoid that more often. I really hate when I do it, but I just get so desperate in finishing my work sometimes I fill in holes with crap. Thanks for the criticism.
just forget about perfection! there aint a thing like that yet we all are brought up to chase it like manic dogs. if you get into feeling the way yo said, just stop writing for a while, and come back to it when you dont pressure yourself. there is no Slayer standing on top of you waitin to do you in if you dont finish it right there.
Again, terrific work. My favorite part is: "Rape my senses from normal function In an air of passion two hand’s conjunction The focus of an out of focus life Reach towards my back and retract the knife" 10 again for the Vamp .