Darkness Reigns

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by DiSiLLUSiON, Oct 19, 2004.

  1. #1
    DiSiLLUSiON

    DiSiLLUSiON Ambient

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2004
    Messages:
    1,049
    Likes Received:
    3



    Here I got something I wrote a few years ago, when I was somewhat (understatement :D) depressed.

    I haven't let that many people read it, but I recently found it while cleaning up my harddisk and by now the times of the subject being too painful to handle are long gone, so I'd like some opinions.

    It's not really a poem, it's not really a story. Maybe it's both, or maybe it's better classified as neither. I don't know.

    Anyhow, here it is:




    <div align=center>An old, rounded staircase, battered by time,
    battered by forces of nature. Steps have eroded
    away, leading down into the dark dungeons of the
    mind, ending near a passageway. A doorframe, with
    broken hinges, keeping the troubles hidden no
    longer. A battered, shattered soul. No longer
    able to ignore the deamons that have broken
    their way into the mind. The passageway leads
    into a chamber. The center of the mind.

    It's quiet, eerie perhaps. There isn't a whisper
    of sound except the ragged breathing of the sole
    occupant of the before mentioned chamber. A per-
    sonification of the soul. An broken entity. A
    broken young male. On the brink of chaos, the
    verge of destruction. Sitting on the dirty floor
    on his knees, bowing down to the ground, holding
    a knife in his right hand. For an eternity there
    is no movement whatsoever. Then a single tear
    escapes. It crawls it's way down, like a river
    of sadness. It has reached the lowest point of
    the entity's face and it lets go. It falls down
    onto the ground and splatters, breaking like the
    last shattered remnants of the entity's soul have
    broken so long ago.

    Then, at last, the entity moves. As it moves, the
    chamber is breaking down, the whole gestalt is
    breaking down, knowing beforehand what the entity's
    moves are going to be, since the entity has already
    decided. It's all interconnected. A representation
    of the entity's soul in the entity's soul itself.
    For perhaps the first time since ages, his eyelids
    flash open. A few strands of thought, coalescing
    into a new purpose. A brand new determination is to
    be found there, though no-one will be around to see
    it. The hand with the knife moves closer, just as
    the walls of the chamber are closing in. It brings
    the knife close to where the heart is. Then, with
    one final act of agression, the knife tears through
    the flesh.

    Blood pours out, splashing on the entity's form,
    creating stains of death everywhere. Pain surges
    through his body. Life becomes Death. Still, the
    man continues with his strength fading away. More
    flesh is ripped, more blood tries to escape. Beyond
    the ripping of flesh and the splashing of blood
    against every available surface, not a sound is
    heard. Before the entity could finish his task of
    carving out it's heart, his strength has diminished
    so much that the knife falls out of his hand, the
    hand not having enough grip anymore and it falls
    onto the floor of the chamber. With his last
    strength, he grabs in his chest, ripping out his
    heart. Bowing down forward again, the entity brings
    his bloodcovered fingers to a stone on the floor
    wich is raised above the others, and writes with his
    last strength: "Please... forgive me", though there
    will be no-one to forgive him. As his conciousness
    is fading away, so does everything else.

    The entity is no longer. The boy is no longer. And
    all it wanted is to get his heart out of the equation,
    to stop caring for others. To stop being able to be
    hurt. Now, it can be hurt no longer. Death is welcomed.

    And darkness reigns.


    -DiS.</div>
     
  2. #2
    Adam

    Adam !!!! LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2003
    Messages:
    7,585
    Likes Received:
    7



    Pretty good :)
     
  3. #3
    Jamie

    Jamie Super Member LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2003
    Messages:
    3,081
    Likes Received:
    6



    Pretty cool..Very descriptive...Dont see much of that about these days..
     
  4. #4
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    16,155
    Likes Received:
    258



    Woah, that's cool. Like Jamies said, very descriptive. I like it very much. :)
     
  5. #5
    Leones

    Leones Super Member LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2004
    Messages:
    3,473
    Likes Received:
    82



    that was beautiful :'(
     
  6. #6
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2004
    Messages:
    2,604
    Likes Received:
    1



    Great story, although not much of a song or poem. I loved the description, but the word entitywas a little overused. Nontheless on of the best stories I have heard in a while. Congrats.

    As a song/poem: 7/10
    As a story: 9/10
     

Share This Page