tell meeh wat u think of mai poems.. kk?? My Name is Nameless I am something That doesn't exist If you look my direction You'll only see mist People say they know me They call me their friend But when I ask for their help A hand, they will not lend I sit alone in my corner Deprived of any fun Hidden in the darkness I am a no one Without any senses left I live a life that is aimless What is my name? My name is nameless *and* Silent Tears I despised the world It rejected me; it spit me out I didn't belong there or anywhere Everywhere I looked, I found doubt It caused me to hurt It caused me to hate I waited to let the feelings out But when I did, it was too late For I had buried too many emotions The hole was too packed The right thing to cover and it with Was the one thing I lacked The emotions overflowed As sharp and painful as spears But despite all the pain It was just a stream of silent tears
Those are both very good. Let me give you a few tips though... 1. You will get more people if your subject title is more mature. ie... if you had put "Tell me what you think of my poems", you would have probably gotten some more reply's. Use actual words. Also, if you put the title of the song(s)/poem(s), that too may help, because if the title of a certain song/poem is unique, people will be interested and decide to look. 2. Try to stay away from the same old - generic ABCB rhyme scheme. It get's very boring, and is used all the time. I'm not going to tell you to use another rhyme scheme, because I think you should write it however you feel you should, I'm just saying it wouldn't be as ... buh ... that kinda describes it I suppose. If you like how you write them, keep writing that way, but try to, every once in a while, try something different. 3. See 1. (Especially what's in bold/italicized.) All in all, very good. They are both very relatable. And don't think I meant your poems we're boring - far from it - but how you write it is bland. My Name is Nameless......8/10 Silent Tears..............9/10